I’ve been feeling lonely and have been trying to reach out to people I used to be friends with but drifted away from over the years. I’ll try to message them with a funny memory I had with them or just ask how they’re doing. They leave me on “seen” and never respond to me, it feels humiliating. It makes me wonder if they were ever actually my friend. Does this happen to anyone else? I just don’t get it, I would be ecstatic and feel so complimented that an old friend remembered me and reached out to me.
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This happened after I graduated college. All my college friends and I spread out across the country. I would try to keep up with them, mainly because I was in a part of the country that was new to me and had no friends. I had a difficult time because I worked evenings so it made having a social life hard. So I would call my college buddies but most when they answered didn’t seem very interested in talking much so I pretty much gave up. I figure they were moving on with their lives and had new social circles that I didn’t fit in to. Wish I had advice to offer other than just make new friends but that advice wouldn’t have been helpful to me at that time. Sorry it’s happening to you.
A lot of relationships are based on shared experiences and activities, being present. Not everyone wants to maintain a relationship on text. Has it been the same experience when you visit them or you’re together in person or if you play a video game together?
It can be very hard to sustain adult relationships without shared activities, or near impossible. Texting is also very passive . So, it could be the medium (texting) and not a reflection of the intensity of your friendship.
This unfortunately happens a lot if you try and reconnect. Most people only have a limit of 5-10 important people in their life and no space for someone new (or reconnecting with an old friend).
Look into Robin Dunbar’s research on the limit on human relationships.
I ran into this problem a lot when trying to reconnect with others. Now I’m kind of on the other side, I have enough friends now and don’t really have time for anyone else.