Dated men in my teens but never felt even remotely romantically/physically attracted to any of them. Kept trying for a while because I thought I just needed to find « the one ».
Realized I was just attracted to women and came out as a lesbian 7 years ago. Haven’t questioned my sexuality until a few months ago.
Typical IT guy who keeps to himself joined the company. He seemed really nice and I wanted to make friends, so I asked him if he wanted to tag along at lunch/after work drinks. He eventually started to join some of us semi regularly.
Issue is I’ve now realized I’m really attracted to him and have been for some time. It’s the first time I’ve felt that way about a man.
It took me a solid month to figure out that what I felt was attraction and not my anxiety. One day I just had a long hard look at him and realized wtf was going on.
Bit of background, he’s a good looking dude with incredible hair. He’s also pretty funny with an even funnier laugh (hyena meets crow in the best way possible). We don’t have common interests aside from music, but we have some interesting convos.
Realized I was attracted to him in February, around the time my gf and I broke up. Relationship wasn’t bad but also not great for either of us. Been dating casually since, but I keep thinking about him and how hot he is to me which is new and confusing.
Conflicted because I don’t shit where I eat and think this is probably just a one-off glitch. But I can’t shake off the attraction I feel and that curiosity to see if that’s a thing.
Has anyone experienced this before? If so what did you do and how did it pan out?
I‘ve considered making a move but I have no freaking clue if he’d even be interested?
And if I do make a move and he’s open, lowkey scared my brain will instantly go « nope, still 💯 gay ».
33 comments
Stop putting yourself in a box, you are young – go explore what makes you happy:)
Sexuality is fluid. You’re not betraying anything by feeling something for him. If you don’t want to pursue him because he’s a coworker, that’s totally understandable. If you do pursue him and he agrees, then you find you aren’t actually interested, that’s also totally fine.
But life is too short to limit yourself to little boxes and rejecting any growth that might make you leave the box behind.
Breakups can leave us feeling lost and sometimes more open to things we normally wouldn’t consider. It’s okay to doubt your sexuality or consider dating guys. You just can’t date this guy unless you’re planning to find a new job.
Not shit else you can do but be honest with him at this point. While I’m of the same camp of not shitting where you eat, this situation is going to eat at you if you don’t put it to bed.
You may be 99% gay. Sexuality is a spectrum. If you do want to try a date, just be honest about it with yourself. One date is not a forever commitment. Whatever you decide, good luck, and I hope you end up happy.
Have you asked him on a formal “date” ? Appreciate its exposing yourself mentally to this guy for possible rejection but…. You’ll always be wondering?
Maybe he hasnt made a move because he knows you’ve been in a F-F relationship so it doesnt even occur to him?
As earlier post says – enjoy, have fun, dont box yourself in if you feel attracted to him 👊👊
Ask him out for a drink just the two of you and make a move.
I was in a somewhat similar situation once. I’m a guy, and when i was in my mid twenties I decided to give Bumble a try. I got talking to this nice woman and we seemed to really hit it off. Went on a few dates, hooked up a couple times, and then she broke it off. Apparently she was gay, but was also “curious” if maybe she was still attracted to men. So I was basically an experiment and it kind of sucked when she told me that. Obviously people use dating apps for casual dating all the time, but it would have been nice if she would have been more upfront about her intentions.
I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing here, but if you do pursue him, maybe it’s something to think about! Good luck, Op!
Do whatever the hell you want.
Who cares about the label? Why box youself in?
Just go for it if that is what you want.
Nobody else than you has any say in this matter.
Do what makes you happy.
congrats you are bisexual 👍
First of all, not shiting where you eat is a personal motto of mine based on experience. Especially with a situation like this which contains a lot of complex emotions.
I think this is a thing that happens though. I’m a female and identify as hetero and have never had any desire to be with a female. Then one day I meet a lesbian woman on a mutual sports team, and I could not shake the feelings. I even asked her out once but she said no because she genuinely didn’t believe I was “gay enough”. Honestly, she may have been so shocked that she thought I was fucking with her. Even a good friend of mine who is gay said once that “there’s been a few girls before that I’ve felt weird around” meaning he felt the butterflies and attraction and shit.
The heart wants what the heart wants, man. But…if it’s common knowledge at work that you date women he may have ZERO clue there is any flirtation going on and may genuinely think you’re an awesome pal. I’d feel it out a little while longer and try to see if you could get him out of the work environment, but maybe with a few other coworkers, just to see if you catch any other vibes. I agree with being careful due to work though. Good call.
I am a staunch advocate of shitting where you eat. You got one life , send it
I’m a guy who is 99% straight, and there are some masculine dudes who are handsome and attractive as hell that I can appreciate. I’m just much more attracted to and aroused by feminine people. And I don’t really have much desire for cock other than my own. I guess my point is that sexuality, meaning what’s happening in our brains, is more complex than the straight-gay dichotomy, and even being bi can be more of a spectrum. So, stop labeling yourself and focus more on how you feel.
I would do some thinking about not just your attraction to the person, you definitely have a crush, but add in the sexy times part. Imagine how you would feel having sex with this penis-haver. Like fantasize what you would do together and how it would feel for you. If that fantasy feels good, then you’re fine. If that fantasy feels weird or not right, then maybe it’s not time to try something with a guy.
Give his balls a tug and see what’s what
In all honesty you should go for it, you only live once’s and you never know what it could have been, it’s a job and your are just a number at the end of the day, again it’s just a job and not your life. Enjoy it while you are still alive. You never know when it might be your last day. As crazy and as horrible as that sounds. And hey if it does work out then at least you tried. Good luck
Look I know I’m in the minority but I found my partner while we were working together. Been together for 6 years now, even moved across the country together. If you are really feeling it, maybe go for an after work drink and see what you think.
There’s no way unless u tell him cause he thinks u’re lesbian so never ask u out u should tell him or let him know u are bi
Give us an update of what happens next!
I’m kind of in the opposite situation. I’m a straight female who is attracted to a bisexual co-worker. I’ve never had attraction to a female before like this. Sometimes I’m tempted to ask her out, but I can’t with my mixed feelings. I don’t want to lose and awesome work and personal friendship.
I’m not able to comment on the sexuality part, I can just say that I came out of a relationship and was getting close to my coworker who also got out of a relationship.
The tension and electricity in our interactions were too much. He was my best friend but he was also so hot I couldn’t stop fantasizing about him. We hung out more and eventually I had to tell him that I liked him. We’ve been together for a few months and it has been soooo great.
I say go for it. Start talking more, float around some outside of work hangouts, etc and see where it goes
Yep, happened to me right around your age only I thought I was super heterosexual (f), then I met a woman, had the same feelings you’re describing. Figured out I’m bi, though I have a preference for men. You could be with a preference for women
So, sounds like instead of just being a lesbian, you’re bi. Nothing wrong with that. Go with your gut. Good luck!!!!
You can do whatever you want honestly.
You’re not in prison…it’s okay. I’m sure he likes you too if he is meeting up so frequently and taking an interest in you. Maybe suggest lunch and take it a step at a time…tell him you wouldn’t mind hanging out one on one.
See how you get on things take time to figure out.
Sometimes we get this one opportunity to find out if something is good for us or not. This is one of them times. Go for it before it’s too late. If not, you’ll always be wondering what if????????………….
Sounds like your Bi
Also dont go chasing love so soon after a break up, very very rarely will that last, spend time healing and loving yourself before jumping back in ❤️
Proposition him for sex and say you are bi-curious. This will likely work.
Wish I could help you, I can’t. Your last sentence though, it lold me hard.
Just be honest with the guy, tell him the situation and be like want to help me work out what it is or isn’t. Worse case scenario he says no.
If you give him a heads up and you flake he may be able to help and even understand so nothing to lose.
Lesbian is just a title you gave yourself. You can amend at any time.
The OP isn’t a lesbian she is bisexual. She is into men she mentioned dating men in the past. She isn’t a real lesbian.
News flash: you ain’t lesbian no mo’
Sometimes people don’t fit neatly into boxes. It’s perfectly okay to be a little bi instead of 100% lesbian like you thought.