If you feel like your spouse crossed some very serious lines but they are in a very difficult situation/time in their life, how much forgiveness do you offer?
I can’t put my foot down because it makes things worse and leads to more of this behavior. I’ve tried to tell them several times I don’t know how much I can take. Nothing changes but they keep having crises happen and justify their inability to work on things. I feel like they aren’t the person I know but at the same time they have a lot of traits that would lead to this behavior.
I feel like I’m dead inside and my nerves are on fire but don’t want to throw away everything because I was impatient or not forgiving enough. How do you decide how much time and leniency to give a life partner in how they treat you? When is crossing a line justified?
5 comments
Since we only have vague information to work with, a vague response is about all I can get.
For their issues, I certainly hope they have sought out some individual therapy to help them process what they’re going through. If not, that would be an urgent request. If they are and there are still issues, then perhaps couples counseling to give you a more safe space to bring up the problems you’re facing and the impact they’re having on the relationship.
At some point, though, you will have to decide whether or not “sunk cost fallacy” is what is holding you back or not.
You need to give more concrete examples. For example, does he forget to put the seat down versus creating a completely other family (cheating).
Can’t really give judgement without knowing what lines were crossed.
Whatever mental space they are in, all of the repercussions may not be their fault, but it is their responsibility. If they weren’t taking concrete steps and actual actions to fix the root cause then you don’t forgive it.
You can only take as much as you can take. If you’re at your limit and you need to stop being in this relationship because it is hurting you, that’s ok. If the situation is intolerable to you, you can remove yourself from it.