I used to be very social and enjoy talking to people and strangers but out of nowhere 2 years ago my mind decided I was gonna be awkward. I can’t make eye contact one bit, I get nervous the moment someone just stays silent, and I overthink everything. Because of my socialness before, I have a pretty good amount of friends and they’d come up to me w me having nothing to say and it gets awkward and then I think about how many friends I probably lost from this personality change. I also just feel myself being so so fake anytime I get nervous. Which is a problem because sometimes I can fake a really good I’m-so-confident-and-fun or I’m-cool-I-hate-things personality but when they like it and talk to me next time, I just get nervous I can’t do it as well as last time or I run out of things to say. And I only get nervous with certain types of people. It seems that I can easily talk to usually guys or quiet-not-awkward girls. I’m guessing I can talk to people who kind of have a I don’t care personality. But my closest friend I have has the biggest energy ever and I feel most of the time comfortable around her. Can anyone guess why I’m like this and how I can just not care and talk how I feel like talking and not what I think they like?
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It’s because you’ve changed. It could be from the pandemic — change in lifestyle, limited social interaction, maybe even a growing subtle underlying health issue. Or simply just the result of growing older.
And because of this change you find yourself overthinking because you’re afraid that other people would feel betrayed as you’re no linger who you were. You feel the need to put up the persona of your past self to appease them, because you’re probably a people pleaser kind of person. That’s probably why you prefer talking to people who have an “I-dont-care” personality because you’re comfortable that they will not judge you.
Now there are 2 ways you can help yourself with this. Either embrace this new personality of yours, or identify the cause of your recent personality shift in the hopes of reverting back to your former self. You can try the second method if you believe that the cause is very likely to be external. For example, school/work stress, change in eating habits, insidious health conditions like brain fog — all of which can cause you to be weaker, more tired or less stimulated. What I did is I tried option 2, but nothing really changed and I ran with option 1, and it helps. It’s natural for us to change as we gain new experiences, and you know as they say you mellow with age. But it’s a lot more work to keep on putting up a show. So be confident with your current self and don’t hate yourself if others don’t like your new self. Sometimes it’s beneficial to have the mindset that “it’s their problem not yours”. In this case it’ll ease your mind. It’s also perfectly acceptable to change your circle of friends as you get older, as the personality changes over time. I hope this helps.