Men, how often do you call your guy friends and talk about your day and feelings?

42 comments

1. I have one guy friend I talk about my feelings every few months. And by talking about feelings I mean like boy I had a shitty week, this and that happened. That’s about it.

2. I never talk to my friends about my problems. I see no point in it, they can’t help me with these problems and I hang out with them to have fun, I see no point. Better to just have fun to alleviate some stress.

   For my problems I rarely tell my family unless they can help out.

   Personally I feel like just saying my problems out loud to someone does not help me. It actually adds stress, because now whoever I told knows I have a problem and they stress too because they can’t help. Just adds more problems.

3. Almost never….

4. Never. Guys don’t do that

5. I personally don’t want to hear nor talk about a friends problem or stresses. I would rather talk about what the fuck you are going to do about it. If you can’t do anything about it, then let it go

6. Men do have a friendship problem. We should be more social to an extent but.. Men are not defective women. We aren’t the same. We don’t need the same needs. In exactly the same way.

7. No we give progress updates, ask about life. Share links to nice things and goods. Sometimes we vent but it’s rare. Then a there’s places like Reddit where you can rant. Talking to friends everyday is really a thing about who you are as an individual.

8. I don’t. Nobody really cares. It’ll just get thrown in my face later.

9. If my friends would call me every day to talk about their day, I would come over and slap them.

   No really, I’ve a very good and old friend of 20 years, who lives quite far away now. We see eachother a few times per year and then we will tell how the previous quaters went. That takes maybe 1 hour.

10. I don’t think men and women deal with stress the same way

    Generally, if I tell someone my problems, it makes me feel worse, not better, as though I’ve burdened them and now they probably think less of me also

11. Never. When my friend was about to kill himself, yes, we talked about feelings over the phone, so that’s one time in my life. I wouldn’t feel bothered at all if someone called and talked about their feelings, it’s just not something my friends do. It would probably surprise me. I might assume it’s another case of someone struggling with suicidal thoughts.

    When I’m having problems, I call my sisters, not my friends. It’s always been women for any “feelings” conversations for me, but I usually don’t really think of talking about such topics at all, it has to be something significant.

12. Probably once to a couple of times a week depending on everyone’s schedules. Generally the call is discord and we’re playing games while we catch up. Those are childhood friends who live far away, closer people I tend to just hang out with at bars/events.

    If your bf feels like he’s bothering people it might be because he’s leaning on male friends without also making himself available to be leaned on. If he can get to a place where he actually enjoys providing a space for his friends to vent and open up about their feelings he’ll probably feel a lot less awkward about asking for their support when he needs it. I imagine he’ll be a bit rusty but it’s worth being proactive about since having a solid support network really improves your quality of life.

13. Here’s the thing: even true friends will pretend that they care, but they don’t. Even if those friends are going through some tough shit themselves that can relate to. That’s just how men are. Talking about your problems will be a huge non-stop “that’s crazy” over and over and over.

14. Never, I think your boyfriend is pretty normal. We tend to bond through doing stuff together rather than talking. Women seem to bond more through talking than doing stuff together.

15. First thing to take unto account is that, generally speaking, men and woman are *are different*. Both physiological and culturally. What works for woman doesn’t mean it will work with men.

    Some of my best male relationships we don’t talk about are problems because there’s no point, which may be difficult for some women to understand, but this is a *feature* not a bug. My best friends aren’t people who I can talk all day about my problems. My best friends are people I can call up randomly, ask for a favor, and he’s already agreed to it before knowing what it is. He doesn’t need to know what my problem is. He just needs to know how to fix it. And that is true for most men.

16. call? never.

    we talk candidly about our lives and worries and what-not in person. usually over food or a drive. it’s nice, and something i wish more people were able to do.

17. We dont do feelings

18. Never

19. Not a man but imo: you can’t control how someone chooses to De-stress, what’s acceptable surrounding that, how they maintain their relationships and more. Can’t judge what they choose either and if they disregard your advice then I’d assume they are ok with the status quo. What works for 1 person doesn’t always work for another regardless of gender

20. Enough.

21. Men usually make the experience that nobody really cares.

    So often times we just resign and just “live with it”.

    “Stop whining.” “That’s how the world works, deal with it.” “Sounds like a you issue.” “Sucks to be you.” We get that shit all the time and at some point it becomes internalized.

    I can’t really tell you methods how to crack that shell, but keep going, I’m sure you’ll find a way.

22. 0 times

23. Lol

24. As a man, its an unwritten rule to not share your problems with anyone. 3 reasons why:

    1. No one cares.
    2. They may have problems of their own.
    3. The problem is your own. Only you can solve it.

25. Yeah no… I don’t do that and don’t want to. That’s just not how my friends and I socialize and it’s not what I would want in terms of support.

26. Most men just banter with friends. Only problems we discuss tend to be around how to fix something we may not be good at like car or construction related items if they can get some help for problem solving we do.

27. Almost never.

28. Men talking about their feelings all the time. They just don’t phrase it like women do. They say something like my boss is a pain is the ass. Or hey you wanna watch the game tonight?

29. That’s intriguing to me that he shares his problems with you. I rarely feel comfortable opening up because I’m worried that sharing my worries will end up causing anxiety in her. I find that a combination of serving others and having a frequent game night with my closest buddies usually cures my self woes. On occasion, I might share something with her but not often. She, like many women it seems, see their husbands as the rock of the family (whether we feel so or not). If the rock is crumbling, wives become very concerned.

30. I only share my problems with other men when and if I think they can recommend or help with a solution.

    Just talking about feelings doesn’t help. As others said, it gets me no closer to a solution, and it makes me feel like I’m putting an unneccessary burden on others.

    Validation doesn’t help most men. Solutions do.

31. Covid left me disabled 3 months ago. I can’t walk more than 50 ft, can’t drive myself, can’t even talk for more than 20-30 minutes. Things like that. So I’m very housebound right now, and I don’t know when this will end.

    So my brother and a few others come and check on me from time to time. Lately around once a week.

32. Never…it is not something that is encouraged in our culture.

33. Frankly never, and that’s no accident. I don’t care about whether it’s a societal norm; it just sounds awful. I have no problem opening up to people, even strangers, so it’s not a problem with vulnerability per se. More like, I just never *feel* vulnerable that way, if that makes sense? I’d rather deal with perceived problems without outside interference, is all. If I need help I’ll ask.

34. Never. I hate talking on the phone. So this doesn’t mean I don’t talk to my friends about their day and feelings, I’m just not picking up my phone to do so.

35. Never, because I hate talking on the phone.
    I text my friends and chat with them over discord all the time, though. This might be a reach, given how you’ve described him, but it’s possible that he does keep in touch with his friends, it’s just not in a way that’s super visible to you.

36. Never. Unless something really exciting happens, i don’t need to share all of the stupid mundane things that happen in my daily life, to anyone. I don’t gossip, and i don’t care to hear it in the first place.

    And even if something out of the ordinary happens, I’m not going to go rushing to call my friends to tell them about it. The next time we hang out will be fine. There is almost nothing happening in my life that needs any immediate communication with someone else.

37. we don’t talk about feelings to other men.

38. Some people process stress differently. He sounds like he’s just chilling

39. I’m a 55 y.o. man. how often WHAT?

    ​

    I might call a buddy and say “hey dipshit, did you figure out how to install that U-joint yet?”

    does that count?

40. Every few days, but never my USA friends, I get far better return speaking with my foreign buddy’s as far as empathy and active listening go.

41. At most once or twice a year tops.

42. I extremely rarely talk about my feelings or my day with the boys. The last time I can remember is probably 10ish years ago when I confided in my buddy at the time about my girlfriend at the time. I didn’t know how to bring up certain things and thought he’d have insight since he had way more luck with the ladies. But that’s more “real shit”. My everyday ups and downs are so insignificant, they aren’t worth mentioning. Also, my average day is not worth talking about. It would be like watching paint dry from a distance. A lot of autopilot too so details are lacking. If I chat with the boys, it’s about hobbies or their problems. I don’t really have any. Lucky me? Not really. Makes me less relatable.