Hey y’all! 23M with pretty limited dating experience (1 year relationship, but I still consider myself inexperienced). I’m a medical student right now, but I haven’t really met any women that I vibe with in my cohort.
The #1 thing I’ve seen on posts from people with limited experience is people saying that they need to “get out and meet a bunch of people” to get over anxiety and to simply meet potential dates. They never actually provide examples of places I could just go and meet people. I’ve tried looking for clubs and stuff outside of school I could join, but I live in the suburbs and there’s like nothing on meetup.com. Seems the only way I could possibly meet other people my age is through dating apps (no luck), or bars, but I’m realllyyy not a party/drinking person and couldn’t imagine myself in a relationship with a girl who likes to constantly go out to bars/party. I literally just feel STUCK, like where do 22 year olds go/do for fun besides drinking??? AHHHHH
3 comments
Look for hobby groups you are interested in, join them, meet girls there
Volunteer and you will meet generous women.
I am just going to keep reposting this until it becomes Canon with dating.
There is a simple four step process to get you to where you want to be.
STEP ONE: Tell yourself you are asking NOBODY out for 6 months. Totally celibate. No hookups, no nothing. Get off the apps or OLD if you are on them, just cut that shit out. It literally hurts your progress in the human space.
STEP TWO: Every time you leave your house and go out into the world, you have put yourself together. Shower. Shave. Clean clothes. Hair combed. A little deodorant, a little cologne. This is for YOU not for any women you run into. Be presentable. Feel good about how you look.
STEP THREE: For the next 6 months, you will make it a point to exchange simple pleasantries with at least two women a day. Two. More if you can handle it but at least two. And it does not matter who they are, because you are asking NOBODY OUT for 6 months. Talk about the weather with a barista at the coffee shop. Ask the checkout person at the store about the weather. Talk about the news of the day with someone you are standing in line with. You are NOT asking anyone out, so there is no pressure. LISTEN to their responses and tailor your response to what they said. Do NOT use any pickup lines or anything like that. You are NOT asking anyone out. BE in the moment. WATCH how they react to what you say. Do NOT drag out the conversations, they should be a couple, three minutes long at the most, but over a minute if you can manage it. When you are walking away from them, always thank them, say something like “Nice talking with you! See you around” or something like that. Once you get comfortable with a couple of conversations a day, try to make it to three. Or four. Eventually, you want to establish a pattern of observation. Girls who end up talking with you are going to look at you in a certain way before they talk with you. Make a mental note of what they do. Girls who blow you off will also give off signs too! Make note of them as well. If you do this EVERY DAY, you will get good at recognizing the signs. And it will all be OK because there is NO PRESSURE, you are not asking anyone out for 6 months!
STEP FOUR: Armed with all of this knowledge–you have been studying for six months, afterall–you will then have the exact same kinds of conversations before, and at the end of them, if you feel she is being friendly, you alter your exit just a bit: “Nice talking with you! Would you like to get a cup of coffee and talk more sometime?”
Once she figures out you are not a creep, she is likely to say yes. And you will find a lot more women saying yes than you ever knew was possible.
IMPORTANT POINT 1: You are going to get turned down. A lot. But that is OK because they are basically telling you that they are not the kind of person you want in your life anyway. You are approaching them from a good, honest place and if they do not appreciate that you do NOT want to get to know them any further. So do NOT take it as an L. Take it as a learning experience!
IMPORTANT POINT 2: Do NOT fumble after she says yes. Have a place and time in mind and tell her that you would love to speak with her at the local starbucks at x time in x days. Give her YOUR number, do not ask for hers. If she was just being nice to you and plans on ghosting you, you aren’t going to get a real number from her anyway. People think business cards are bullshit but I had them printed up so I could hand them out. Just my name and business name on one side, with the number. You can get them for like 5 bucks online. Make up a business name, it does not matter. Just have something you can hand her. If you want to just tell her your number that works too.
IMPORTANT POINT 3: Never ever suggest a fancy or expensive first date. Coffee or Ice Cream, something quick and cheap. Asking someone out to a fancy dinner for a first date is a total rookie move and you don’t want to look like an amatuer.
IMPORTANT POINT 4: Even after she says yes, she might ghost you. You need to think of that as a WIN because she showed you who she was before you ever got emotionally invested in her. Thank her in your heart and move on.
IMPORTANT POINT 5: Once someone says yes, take the W and apply what you have learned as you continue to ask women out. Don’t stop at one! The chances of you meeting your MRS on the first hit is astronomically small. Keep the hopper full at one end so you can continue to get dates.
Good luck! You got this!