I’ve been looking up information all damn day about sharing kinks or fetishes with your partner and I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me to find specific advice on how to go about discussing these things properly.
I have a lot of anxiety and I’d like to be given pretty specific instruction or some clear examples or prompts that I can use to figure out just exactly how I’m gonna formulate this. Advice like, “just talk to him” isn’t very helpful for me.
I would like to know the setting in which I should bring this up, what information I should tell him about bondage, how to introduce someone to that kink if they’re unfamiliar with it, etc. I am interested in trying out fairly light bondage (myself as the recipient) so I don’t think it’s anything too intense or scary to have to introduce him to, but I still don’t know the proper way to go about it.
I’m afraid if I just start talking without a plan it will come out sounding something like this,
“Umm, so I was thinking like… maybe like, would you be into like maybe sometime umm like umm ummm ummmmm….”
3 comments
I have always thought the “I had a dream” metod the best all round for bringing up any kink.
You just tell your partner that you had this silly dream where he is tying you up, whilst laughing about it. This way you introduce the idea, but can back off if it looks like he does not like the idea.
This should work very well for ALL kinks.
How long have you been together. If it’s early you can bring it up in the context of a conversation about sex on general. Likes, dislikes, etc.
It helps that I had this conversation for the first time with a woman recently. Just “hey, I thought it wouldve a good idea to talk about preferences and boundaries so we can have the best sex possible!”. I started with the only twice “rules” I have for sex which is 1) it’s about having fun and 2) no one is to do anything they don’t want to do, even if asked. “I don’t feel comfortable with that” is a totally acceptable response. It seems obvious but worth establishing so no one feels pressured to make the other person happy or something.
The you can offer to go first for like/dislikes. And you can bring up light bondage and ask if they have experience with it. It’s pretty common so they might, but either way you can continue with more details if you want.
If you’ve been together awhile you can just bring it up like “hey, so I was thinking about something I’d like us to try if you’re comfortable with it” and go from there.
As for when, a good time might be after sex if you’re laying there cuddling. I feel bringing it up when you’re getting into a sex session might feel like to much pressure to try it right away. Especially something like that requires some discussion and planning. Things like a safe word is always a good idea, boundaries on how far you want it to go, etc.
“Hey, is bondage something you’ve ever thought about? Would you be interested in trying that out together?”