When I was in primary school I never had a problem with talking to people and holding a conversation. It kind of all changed during my last year of primary school and the first year of secondary school. I feel like somehow i just because so aware of how I was perceived and then lockdown just made it that much worse. I had a friend that I used to have Skype video calls for hours, I’ve never had a deep connection with a friend like that since we grew apart. My used to be running theory as to why I don’t know how to talk to people anymore was that nothing interesting is really going on in my life but during those primary school years, nothing was really going on in my life aswell.
I can’t count on my two hands the amount of times I’ve just laughed off anything anyone has ever said to me this year and it’s frustrating because I complain all the time about how I miss having friends and particularly, that deep connection i had with my best friend that allowed us to be able to talk to eachother for hours in video calls. I miss all of that. I genuinely cry myself to sleep sometimes because I never used to have this problem and I’m growing so sick of it. I don’t know if it’s depression or if I even have it but ever since I turned 13 it’s just been awful and I don’t even know how to explain it. I feel like
I’m just waiting for a lifeline, for something to fall out of the sky, for it to stop. I just miss having people to talk to and I just dont mean the casual relationships we have with the people we interact with in school or at our workplaces and the perfunctory things we say to eachother, I mean those deep connections with people where you dont even have to think about what to say to eachother. This kind of turned into a rant but i’ve been sitting with these thoughts for I don’t know how long and I have no one to turn to really with this kind of thing