So I (26m) met this chick (25f) on hinge close to a month ago and to say the least, we hit it off pretty quickly after matching. We would text all day, talk on the phone for hours, etc. I would come to find out that she doesn’t live in my city yet and that she lives in NY but shes coming to live in my city at the top of the year so I thought “ok cool. This girl’s cool I don’t think I’d mind doing long distance IF it gets to that point”.
Fast forward 2 weeks later, she ends up making a trip to where I’m at to see family and we end up going on our first date on her second day into the trip. I go and pick her up and as soon as I get to her house, I see her and think “hmm ok. I knew she was maybe a little thick but she’s looking a little thicker than I’m used to”. I felt slightly catfished but after a minute I’m like “man whatever. Let’s just enjoy the date and see what happens” so we did and it was a great first date. Spent alot of time getting to know eachother and left like damn she’s a beautiful person inside.
We keep talking after and end up seeing eachother a couple more times before she left. And each time we hung out I catch myself looking at her like “hmm I really don’t know about this one” but she’s kind, loving, has a good relationship with God, very respectful, mature. Basically everything I look for in a partner. & now that she left back home, we’ve been texting here and there almost daily. But the same question lingers in my mind. “Do you really see a future with someone who’s perfect for you but you don’t find that attractive?”
What makes the situation suck is that my last couple relationships were with women that were stunning & very beautiful but either didn’t hold the same values I did or just wasn’t what I needed in a partner. So to be in an opposite situation now is really weird and idk what to do. Would love some feedback/advice/etc!
*disclaimer: I’m not trying to body shame anyone. Everyone’s weight journey is personal. I’m just being real with myself and gauging whether it’s my cup of tea or not. That’s all*
TLDR; met a girl that’s amazing and has all the qualities I’m looking for ina woman but I’m not physically attracted to her looks
25 comments
Lol leave her alone and let her find somebody that’s actually attracted to her….
Plus if she led you on with her looks just end things especially if it’s long distance
I’ve had boyfriends that I wasn’t initially attracted to. I dated a guy that looked like a frog. Once I started going on more dates with him and getting to know him, I actually started to think he was super hot!
OP – think about it this way. You’re basically saying that she’s a wonderful girl that you connect with on multiple levels and would be a perfect partner, if she was skinnier.
Bodies change over time. They age, they bloat – chasing physical beauty is often a temporary thing. What doesn’t change is the beauty of the person inside. From every adjective you’ve used, this woman is a beautiful and caring soul that matches a lot of what you are looking for. My advice is to consider that when you consider what is really “attractive” about a potential partner.
Obviously it would be unfair to continue this relationship if you cannot love how she looks. But similar to one of the other comments, consider that what you find attractive about a person can encompass much more than just how they look – and that’s the key to finding someone who will be your partner for life.
Stop wasting your and her time – you deserve to be with someone that you are attracted to, and she deserves to be with one who’s attracted to her.
boyyyyyyyyyy howdy if i knew a guy i was dating had posted this online about me??? we’d already be broken up. let her go if you can’t accept her.
I think physical attraction is important and she would be better of with someone who finds her stunning. Like she wont be happy to find out you arent attracted to her. She Will get very sad obviously and if you stay togheter like that it doesnt end Well. Even if you dont tell her, its very noticeable on a dude if your everything they want or if they have it hard keeping it up. It ruins your self image than the opposite. I lose weight with someone i feel good with. I gain weight when i feel bad. Feel good=energised, easy to work out and chose healthy food, take better care of myself and think of food as nourishment. Feel bad=tired, restlessed, anxious, eat nothing or all the time, poor decisions and stuck in my head criticising myself constantly.
If you’re not initially attracted to her then you’ll spend time thinking about how much you’re not attracted to her when you see her, and then do your best convincing yourself otherwise. Leave her and go next, save you both the time
Don’t waste her time.
I dated someone I was attracted to in his tinder profile BUT the moment I saw him from the coffee shop window, I found myself thinking if I should just bail, or second guessing myself if it was him (I had to call him to verify from afar lol)… and when we got to talking, he was also missing a tooth.
I toughed it out, although the tooth thing still bothered me from time to time. He was nice and all, we dated for almost 3 years and I really liked him a lot (got attracted to him too!)… but dude played me INCREDIBLY well. So, in that case, maybe the attraction is just a bit delayed.
But then again, girls hold the record of getting played by someone they lowered their standards for hahahah so maybe lowering the standards and not prioritizing physical attraction is mostly a girl’s thing 😅
Don’t settle. If you aren’t attracted to her then let her go so she can find someone who will be. You both deserve a strong physical relationship and you can’t do that if you’re not into it
Your not attracted to her and it sounds like you don’t want a relationship, it’s kinda like your asking for validation to leave her knowing you already want to leave her. Just go bro don’t waste your and her time if you don’t want anything
Physical attraction is so important in a relationship. If you are not attracted to her by 3 dates, then that’s it. I’d be honest with her, say that although she’s great and lovely, after a couple of dates, you don’t see anything romantic developing. Wish her the best and move on. That sucks but she wasn’t fully honest with you, which happens quite often with online dating imo
I dont focus on looks. If I did I wouldnt be with my bf. In my experience, most of the best looking ppl are ugly af on the inside.
Jesus Christ she’s not the only person in this world, let her find someone who really wants her and let yourself find someone you really want.
She’s not “everything you want” then is she,
Let it go
Ok, she’s not as “stunning / beautiful” as your exes and not to mentioning she turned out to be too “thick” for your liking. You got the answer. OP thinks he basically got catfished.
You can’t only compliment your future girlfriend saying “You’re beautiful person inside” forever lol.
Don’t lead her and break her. Just let her go.
You’ll find the one you’re looking for.
I am a girl and i think you should drop her or ask her if you want to be just friends. There is no problem in not liking someone physically. However if she asks you why you don’t want to date her just say something else like that you found a gf. Don’t make her realise you don’t like her because she is overweight or think that she looks better in pictures than in person.
dear god *prayer hands* please, please please please, please. please PLEASE grant me the AWARENESS if a man i date ever asks the internet if he should keep trying to hit even though he doesn’t think i’m hot. because god…i know…YOU WOULD NEVER. also please send my hot life partner soon so i can get off reddit. amen.
I know a girl that does this regularly. In her pictures she looks curvy, with a sharp jawline and very sexy features. Nothing resembling what she looks like off camera- and she wonders why guys that she meets online ghost her after they visit.
You have to decide what it is you want, but I am of the belief that there is a girl with matching values that you will also be attracted to. Don’t waste her time, don’t waste yours.
Leave her alone
The dating pool in one Reddit post. Please do not disturb people you are not ready for.
Lmfao not another the girl was too fat for me but she’s perfect in every other way ….. Jesus fucking Christ
I would personally want someone who was attracted to me and not someone who secretly made a post about how I’m not physically attractive to him.
Sometimes attraction grows, but sometimes it doesn’t. You’ve already been on multiple dates, and you’re not attracted to her. Which is okay. But break this off before it gets even deeper.
These comments are blowing me away. You should end it mate. Physically attraction affects so much. I saw a post about a guy who was with someone for YEARS that he was not attracted to because he loved everything else about her. And he never had sex with her because he just didn’t want to. And she was so miserable. But he refused to tell her the truth and let her go find someone that would be attracted to her.
Just break up. All those good things you can find in someone who is physically your type too. But not if you stay with her.
…thats called being friends with someone.