My girlfriend (21F) and I (23M) have been friends for about a year and dating for the last two months. However, she hasn’t responded to any of my messages in five days, including ones asking if she’s alright, but she’s remained active on social media. I’ve tried messaging her there and been left on read. A mutual acquaintance reached out on my behalf three days in and said she was just feeling unwell, which has caused her to go a few days without contact before, but she could have just as easily told me this, she usually tells me when this happens, and she still hasn’t replied to me. We’re in a long distance relationship, so the messages we exchange are really our only form of contact.
There wasn’t any lead up to this, we messaged each other the morning she started ghosting me planning an IRL meetup. We share a lot of interests, enjoy being with each other, our personalities seem to click. Prior to this she’d send me a good morning message every day and every time it made my morning, and I’d reply back with memes and flirting throughout the day, which she loved. We had one rough patch before when she had a breakdown and thought she was holding me back from happiness, but we worked through it at the time, and I’ve done my best to consistently support her in the face of her self-esteem issues. I thought things were going really well.
She hasn’t blocked me on anything (though I suspect she may have muted me) and she hasn’t said she’s ending things, so it seems like there’s hope but with the lack of messages it also seems like she’s trying to cut it off. If she just needs space or isn’t feeling well, I’d happily give her as much time as she needs, but she isn’t communicating that. I have a fear that she’s going through another breakdown, and knowing I was able to help talk her back from a breakup the last time this happened, is avoiding me to actively prevent this from happening a second time.
How should I handle this? Is there any way to salvage this, or should I just consider the relationship over?
TL;DR
My girlfriend has been leaving me on read for the better part of a week while responding to other people and remaining active online. How should I handle it?
5 comments
Sounds like you should move on.
Not really no. Sounds like she wants to break up with you but doesn’t have the guts to do it.
It seems like you’re doing too much. My guess is that this level of intensity is normal for you and draining for her.
This is not an okay way for your partner to treat you. When you respect someone and care about their feelings, you don’t simply start ignoring them. As you know, if she needed some time/space she could have sent you a message telling you that.
My advice is to tell her that you’re taking this silent treatment as indicating she no longer wants to be in a relationship, and you wish she could have shown you the respect of speaking to you directly. If she comes back and blames you (“God, I just wanted some time to myself, why are you being such an asshole about it?”), she sucks. If she comes back and is regretful and wants to continue dating, I recommend not considering it unless she provides an explanation, a very full and sincere apology, and a believable assurance that she will not do something like this again.
Sorry this happened. Wishing you better luck in the future.
I would do nothing and sit tight. I would assume this is over but say nothing. Don’t get all bent out of shape over it and don’t chase her and play the pick me game,
If she is gone it wasn’t meant to be.