I started dating this women around a month ago. We clicked immediately on all levels and things progressed faster than I’ve ever experienced. After our 2nd date it ramped up even more, and we would spend all day/night/week texting, sending voice memos and calling each other. Our 3rd date ended with us having sex (not planned, spur of the moment type deal) and we started to develop even more of a thing for each other. Our last date was supposed to be her coming over to spend the day and night with me on a Saturday, but she invited me out the night before (Friday) and introduced me to all of her friends/sister who I got along with greatly.
She came over Friday night and spent the whole weekend at my place. By Sunday morning we were still saying all the flirty things to each other, talking about how much we like dating each other and value each other’s personal beliefs and morals, did more basic things such as grocery shopping, showering togeher, etc.
However when she left midday Sunday I felt like something went wrong somehow… just a gut feeling.
Well 2 days later after minimal contact she texts me and says that we moved too fast and she needs time to get over her last relationship (it’s been around a month and a half since she got out of one) plus work on her mental state as she has a ton on her mind that’s hurting her. I’m super understanding of all of this of course, as I have no choice but to be, but I really respect her decision and her as a person and told her so.
For the last 4 weeks she’s said nothing but kind/positive things to me really indicating that she wants to try and be with me. But now this sudden switch up is throwing me for a loop.
Does it ever truly workout after someone says they need time? There was no inciting incident that led to this. I truly believe she just needs time. But I’m curious as to other peoples experiences with saying this when you’ve truly meant it, and if it ever does truly workout in the end?
Cheers.
12 comments
To be fully honest, sometimes it’s just right person wrong time. And as somebody who has been there a few times now (who’s keeping count anyway) sometimes it just… doesn’t work. And I don’t want to be pessimistic and tell you “sorry bud, it’s a no” but it’s hard to say whether these things work out because often times they come to the realization that maybe you weren’t actually right for each other and it was just a causation of current circumstances (recent breakup, emotionally vulnerable, etc.). That’s not to discredit whatever feelings you both felt in the moments you shared together because those are and should be very real to the both of you, and I think they are! But for right now, patience is key. You’re allowed to be a part of her life still but if she expresses that she needs time and also space, respect that and perhaps she’ll eventually come around to finding out what she truly wants in another person or whatever and maybe you’ll be there when the time is right.
Let them go. Keep dating others. If she is ever ready for you and wants you she will reach out. And if you are single then you can try again.
But If you are not, you won’t even want to.
Never wait for a maybe
This is a good reason why I always tell people not to jump too quickly into a new relationship after ending the previous one. You need time to grief the previous relationship or you will end up ruining the new relationship with the baggage of the past one.
But you two should just slow down. Try to go on dates like it would be your first time. And yes it can work out but she was rushing too fast with the relationship before healing from the past one and if she would have continued with that, you two would have crashed hard.
No it never works. And further, she’s a coward that can be direct with you. That’s not someone that you want to be with anyway. Move on!
It’s just a nice way of putting you down, a lot of people aren’t confrontational. Maybe she starting seeing her ex again or something. Move on! If she was truly interested she wouldn’t leave.
You will save yourself from so many toxic relationships as a man if you Google and read about vulnerable/covert narcissism and borderline personality disorder. They are rampant and failure to know what they are I think affects the majority of men in modern dating.
It kinda sounds like you got caught up in the initial whirlwind of love bombing, which can be wonderful, and then she switched it up on you – which may have saved you an ugly experience. I would learn what you may be in for if she comes back though, which may be likely. People with self worth issues do not like being alone with themselves. And relationships that start off really quickly and intensely often follow the same pattern before they get toxic.
I’ve been in the same situation last month. She said I love you and all. Everything was fine during may and June and in July she became distant. The same excuses and in reality she just wanted to fuck other guys
Like someone said: what starts fast it ends even faster
A month and a half after a last relationship actually isn’t a lot of time. My advice is give her the space she wants and if she wants to make it work she should contact you first. Keep dating others because you never know whats out there 🙂
Here is a glossary I made to decode what these kinda of statements mean
“I need some time to work on myself” = I don’t take you seriously as a romantic partner and think a relationship with you would be a waste of tine
“we should stay friends” = I’m not interested in a relationship with you/not that attracted to you
“I’m not ready for a relationship” = I will he ready for a relationship when it is with the right person
“I need space” = I am going to sleep with somebody else and want you to still be available to me after I’m done
“We need to take a break” = I am going to try with somebody else and I don’t really care what you do, but maybe I can come back to you if it doesn’t work out with this other person
“I don’t like labels” – I want to be free to see other people, but keep things ambiguous enough to possibly obscure that fact and still string you along
“I need time to get over my last relationship” usually means they hope there is still a chance of making it work with their ex and will only be ready to move on with you once that is no longer a possibility OR it is just an excuse to not tell you that they aren’t that interested in dating you
Move on
Nope, this girl I dated for 2 months told me she loved me (met in November ended up at Christmas Eve at her house her mom said she’ll make sure she gets me something nice next year ect things felt distant after new years and 2 weeks later she “met up for closure” and accidentally fucked her ex bf (bout a month out) told me while we were out at dinner said she didn’t mean it and then asked if she could stay at my place that night…moral of the story, use caution and keep your head in reality don’t let it drift off to fantasy love land
Go on dates with other women, if she doesn’t want to lose you she’ll come running back…if she doesn’t then move on it wasn’t meant to be. If she really wasn’t ready to date she wouldn’t have started dating