So my boyfriend and I have known eachother for 2 years now. We are long distance. We were friends for a year and have been in a relationship for the last year.
He never really had a proper relationship before me. He told me he doesn’t know if he has ever loved anyone and he doesn’t even really know how to tell if he is in love or not.
I’ve brought it up to him that it’s something I worry about. I do believe he cares about me. He is faithful to me (I have no doubts about it) he always makes time for me and in general he is good to me but sometimes I worry he will only just like me and nothing more.
He also is not very emotionally affectionate which is something that is important to me. He will hug and cuddle me but he never tells me he cares about me or I’m important to him.
I do think he shows me he cares but I need to hear it.
Am I wasting my time?
4 comments
How much time have you spent together in person since you started a romantic relationship?
You can’t expect someone to change. It would be unfair to both of you and cause unnecessary drama and stress in your life. It sounds like you two are just incompatible. I’d call it a day and move on. But that’s me. I’m not one to try to fit a square peg into a round hole.
Sounds like you’re in a bit of a complex spot with your boyfriend. His lack of relationship experience might affect how he shows his feelings. While he’s faithful and makes an effort, you need emotional reassurance. It’s possible he has a different way of expressing love. Consider discussing both your love languages to understand each other better. Remember, your feelings are valid, and if your needs aren’t being met, it’s okay to have an honest conversation. Ultimately, whether you’re investing your time wisely depends on how the relationship feels for you.
From the description, it looks like that his personality is one of being defensive (if not shy) and he fears failure and rejection far more than you do. Such personalities are a lot indecisive and will keep painting scenario after scenario and struggle to arrive at any firm view. Not having any proper relationship even at age 31 possibly reiterates the personality traits that I just mentioned. Now the ball is in your court to decide if you want to play a dominant role in the relationship all life. There are advantages and disadvantages in being a life partner to such individuals. In the absence of much information, I am struggling to suggest a firm way forward. If I were to offer a simple prescription, it may help a lot if you keep offering him confidence and a feeling of security. Best of luck. Please feel free to message me, if you wish to discuss/chat.