So me and my ex had been together for nearly 2 years and for me we were in the best phase of our relationship, 2 weeks ago she was telling me i was her person and she can always see when her relationship would end but not with me (we were talking about things like that) and she loved me and we were both growing more and more secure.
I was the best person I could be to her, I tried to understand her, not judge the way she expresses emotion, always come from a place of empathy, all those things.
Then I went to meet her one day a week ago and she broke up with me because she is starting to like someone else that shes met a month ago, and that person is in a 13 year long relationship, because she is scared that she will be with me thinking about somebody else and that she just keeps liking this person.
She always became very fascinated by new people, more usually friends but this person specifically she also found attractive, shes an avoidant person in general with a lot of trauma and commitment problems but we were truly getting better and better and she just broke up with me out of nowhere.
I know she didn’t cheat on me the person in question doesn’t even know she likes her yet, and she’s always very impulsive with these decisions, she runs away from strong emotions in general. She told her best friend after breaking up with me that she knows she’ll never find someone better than me and knows this was a risky decision and that she still feels the same way about me, nothing changed.
I don’t know what to do, I think i’m still in a bit of denial and processing everything and I need to know what to do, should I move on, should I try to get her back even though she’s avoidant and will probably feel relief after breaking up for like a month? How do I go about this?
We’re going to talk today and I know she’s not going back on her decision but I still have a bit of hope.
TL:DR
My ex of 2 years broke up with me out of nowhere in the best phase of our relationship because she’s starting to like someone she’s met a month ago, she’s an avoidant person so i dont know what to do, shoukd I try and wait for her, should I move on? I’ve never been broken up with and it feels horrible.
3 comments
Do you want to be in a relationship with a person who will leave you the second a mildly interesting person enters her life? She sounds unstable and probably needs to work on herself before she can be in a relationship properly.
Sucks for you, especially since it sounds like you really were very close and a breakup seemingly out of nowhere is always rough. But again; ask yourself if she’s really that good for you if all it takes for her to leave is to develop feelings for someone who isn’t even available. Not even talk with you about it first or sit with her feelings and unpack them or come up with a different solution. Just dumping you out of nowhere. That is a very shitty thing to do. Either she was lying about her feelings for you or she is genuinely utterly unreliable as a partner.
> she broke up with me because she is starting to like someone else
This came out of nowhere from your perspective, but not from hers. She has been thinking about this for at least a month, and i suspect that, whether she fully realized that or not, she had already started checking out before that; hence her enthusiasm about this new guy.
> I don’t know what to do
It’s not like you have options here; she ended the relationship. Unfortunately, it takes two; if one is out the relationship dissolves automatically. Wish her well, let her go and cut all contact so that you can disengage and start moving on. Even if she were to revoke her decision, that would be out of guilt and you’d end up with a partner with one foot out the door and another in some other dude’s life. This is infinitely worse than being single, enjoying your youth for now and meeting new people.
Only time will heal the pain of heartbreak like this. When you love someone to your full capacity it’s really sucks to be burned like that. But you should feel happy about it. You are no longer wasting your time on someone who clearly no longer has your best interests in mind. The best thing to do here is move on. Don’t look back. She made a choice she will regret. Let her regret it. You do not deserve someone who will take all your love and effort for granted. Someone who is more mature and knows the value of your effort will appreciate it and never let that walk away.