Men who masturbate, how does your wife feel about it?

39 comments

1. “Just wash your hands after”. That was her exact response cause I just asked her. Been together for almost 11 years.

2. Wait, your wife would rather jerk you off or please you herself and you think that’s selfish? Bro I would gladly welcome that selfishness into my life lol.

   On a serious note, is there a reason why she doesn’t like it? Past trauma? Confidence issue? It sounds like there’s a serious root cause that needs to be addressed by the two of you.

3. If she can touch me, I can touch me.

   We both masturbate sometimes, and neither of us cares. It’s healthy.

4. >Am I crazy, or is she being selfish and controlling? Its not realistic for her to please me every time.

   You are not crazy. As long as masturbation isn’t having a regular negative affect on your relationship or sex life, they really shouldn’t care if you engage in it.

5. She doesn’t care. But she would be right to suspect I don’t want to have sex because masturbated that day, and especially recently. Mostly because that’s what I tell her, lol.

   If I can masturbate, I can have sex. I try not to masturbate on days I think sex is likely. Sex is so much better if I’ve had time to recharge.

   Sex is a great way to destress, also.

6. As a wife, I think this is a bit weird. We both masturbate individually and together. Sometimes, it’s a personal thing that you want to do on your own, and she should respect that.

7. there is absolutely no reason for my gf to forbid me to touch my own body.

8. She does not care as long as our sex life isn’t impacted. If I was jerking off all the time and I didn’t want to have sex with her, I’m sure she wouldn’t like that.

9. My wife and I have a healthy sex life, but I have a slightly higher drive than her. We’ve talked about it and she has no problem with me handling things myself when she’s not in the mood due to cramping, or fatigue, or whatever.

10. Girlfriend prefers that I cum in her instead of toilet paper

11. Ironically, my wife is incredibly defensive about her masturbation habits, accusing me of “shaming” her if I even bring up the topic, but she routinely makes comments about me masturbating so much and how men are just gross animals because we like to jerk off.

    Good thing I find double standards and hypocrisy so entertaining.

12. My wife is 100% OK with it. I could do it anywhere: on the couch, in the yard, kitchen, you name it. Hell, she’d even be ok with it if I did it with another woman. The fact she doesn’t exist kinda helps with all of it, I must add.

13. My wife is a wise woman and never asks hard questions. The only time she mentioned it was when I needed to jerk off for the sperm analysis.

    However, if I knew she doesn’t want to have sex _with me_ but pleases herself same day that would definitely be a wtf moment for me. As for me, I am always up for sex. My penis may be not always reliable but I compensate that.

14. My wife and I have an open door policy when it comes to this.. I usually like to have a stroke with my morning shower. Mostly for business is what I call it (family has a history of prostate cancer). And sometimes my wife will walk in on the act. She will be getting ready for her work day and she normally asks if I need help or she will flash me or bend over for me to help get my business done. Sometimes I walk in on her having fun in our bedroom..i ask the same thing.. Sometimes I can help, other times I just stroke it next to her. Not sure why masturbating is so taboo to the west.

15. I never bothered to ask.

    If she doesn’t like it, she can have daily sex with me, lol.

    Till that happens – need that release to keep my head clear.

16. She’s being controlling. Last time I checked it was my body my choice right?

17. Shes fine with it.

    20 years married.

    She never complained about it, ever

18. She tries to sneak in the bathroom and swallow the load. It’s ridiculous.

19. She doesn’t like it if we’re going to have sex because it makes ejaculation harder to achieve for me, plus my erections don’t last completely because I jerked off and I get intimidated because I wanna ejaculate for her but I know I’ll have a tough time. I try not to jerk off as much anymore but my wife isn’t a sex object so I’m not gonna force her to jerk me off if she doesn’t want to.

20. She doesn’t mind that I masturbate, but she hates that I use porn. I almost always end up finishing with our homemade porn though. Just wish we had more of it. She was planning to make a solo video for me to keep and enjoy, and even asked me what exactly I wanted to see, but it never happened. Bummer.

    When we’ve had discussions about it, I’ve never been able to get much of a straight answer from her. I asked if she wants me to tell her when I’m thinking of jerking off so she has the opportunity to be involved. Don’t think she ever answered. So I’m still kind of in limbo with my masturbation habits. I try to predict when she will or won’t want sex. It’s not a great system.

21. Only if you’re regularly choosing that over intimacy with your partner

22. She just wants the right of refusal for sexual intimacy

23. It’s normal to masturbate. My wife and I are both supportive in that regard. There is another element when it interferes or is perceived to interfere with sex with your partner, when it can become a masturbation vs sex with your partner situation. To be clear, sometimes masturbation is more appealing, convenient, etc., and there’s nothing wrong per se with choosing to masturbate rather than have sex with your partner, but it is something that affects both of you, and it can be a bummer when you want to have sex with your partner and they’re not interested because they masturbated recently. Acknowledging that can go a long way.

    Sometimes my wife and I masturbate together because it’s intimate while being less of an enterprise than sex; if someone’s tired, injured, or otherwise disinclined to have sex, it’s a way of maintaining some sexual intimacy.

    An important thing to consider is whether your wife’s concern is about masturbation interfering with sex with you, or whether it’s about you masturbating at all. Does she masturbate? It’s also not uncommon for a partner to withdraw from sex and favor masturbation in general, and in some cases this is weaponized as a means of control. This may be something she’s experienced in the past, and can be a legitimate concern.

    Let’s say it was feasible for your wife to get you off as many times as you wanted in a day. Would you choose that or would you prefer to masturbate? If the latter, why?

24. Mate, I think your wife may have just offered up something very special and you may be missing it. Call upon her each time and see how long it takes before she says “do it yourself”.

25. It’s healthy and she’s being ridiculous

26. Just start calling for her a few times a day to come get you off, you’ll see how quickly she tells you to take care of yourself, lol

27. Stuff like this is why I’m happy the good lord had the sense to make me a homosexual.

28. Masturbation is not a substitute for sex — and, by the same token, sex isn’t a substitute for masturbation. They can both give you sexual release but they are still two fundamentally different experiences that serve different (if related!) functions.

    Namely: masturbation — in the moment — is all about you. You’re taking care of yourself, the way you want to, without anyone else to worry about or be self-conscious around. You are exploring your own body in privacy and security. Getting a blowjob or a handjob or penetrative sex from your partner is not a replacement for this experience, it is not an automatic upgrade, because all of those things serve a different purpose than does masturbation (in the context of a relationship).

    Let’s imagine OP took his wife up on her offer. He gives her a booty call any time he would normally masturbate. She comes to him and helps him get off however he asks her to. ***Now that she’s a part of the process, he can’t help but worry about what she is experiencing*** — regardless of any kinky, subby, “Use me however you want ♥” agreement they might have in place for this.

    “How do I look? How do I taste? Do I smell? Am I taking too long? Is she getting tired? Is she bored? Does she have other things to do? Is she enjoying any of this, at all — even if she said she doesn’t need to — and if she isn’t is she maybe growing the teeniest bit resentful about doing this?” <- the entire point of masturbation is that you don’t have to think about shit like this.

    What if he’s self-conscious about touching himself in a new way — does it seem right to say he has to at least let her watch, if he doesn’t want to let her to do it to him herself? (I’m sure this is the most well-worn trope on this sub, and maybe this entire website, but please: just flip the genders in your head real quick.)

    I’m going to lay my cards on the table: I think telling your partner you’re uncomfortable with them masturbating — at all — is *fucked*.

    Telling your partner you’re uncomfortable with them masturbating to anything but your own homemade material is less cut and dry and there’s a lot more to argue there, from issues of fidelity to whether there’s any porn it’s ethical to consume, but in my opinion it’s also icky. Again, though, not as clear cut as asking your partner to not masturbate at all.

29. Mate, if she is willing to give you an orgasm every time you feel the urge to masturbate, for christ sake, cash that cheque! Either she gets tired of it quickly and you continue having the occasion wank, or you’ve just tripled the amount of handjobs/blowjobs you get given… Most men dream of getting that offer!

30. I think if you are married with kids and your wife still loves to have sex with you, you are extremely lucky, don’t wreck a good thing!

31. We’ve never talked about it, I just assume she knows I masturbate, as I assume she masturbates. It’s none of my business what porn she watches or reads or who she fantasies about (unless she makes it my business of course), and vice versa.

32. I don’t think it’s a problem, but it does sound like maybe it’s replacing sex for you. I’m perfectly OK with my partner taking care of business, but not if he’s going to be rejecting me because of or in favor of touching himself. If this is not a regular occurrence, it’s not a big deal, but if you can only get there once in a day and your wife isn’t getting what she wants out of the relationship sexually.. You need to make some changes.

33. Switch roles and ask yourself how quickly you’d be identified as a childish, controlling asshole if you said these things to her.

    Same rules.

34. As a wife, I know my husband masterbates, I know he watches porn, I’m fine with it.. he knows I enjoy watching rugby for the men as much as the actual sport.. there has been times where we try to get things going and I will ask him if he’s already wanked and he will tell me straight out, if he has, then the focus is just on me getting my fun.. so in you’re situation I would advise pleasuring her in other ways that don’t involve your dick.. depending on what part of our cycle we are on sex and it’s desires changes for us, sometimes I don’t care about my orgasm, I just want him to finish (usually around ovulation – not gonna lie, it’s more “fucking” than loved up sex) at the end of the cycle it’s more about the feeling of connection and loved up . . So it can be tough if you are in that stage wanting to cuddle and your partner doesn’t want you..women’s hormones be cray cray .. I actually miss being on birth control .. 13 years together, 3 married..

35. She’s probably not mad you masturbated. She’s mad she was rejected and she’s blaming the masturbation for being rejected.

    It’s a double standard. We can get told no 1000xs, but that one time youre not in the mood… it turns to, do you still love me? Are you still attracted to me?

36. “Men who masturbate” sounds a bit like “fish that swim”.

37. This is such an odd question. If my man masturbates, what do I care? I do it too. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Now, if it regularly effected our sex life then I may take issue with frequency. But if our relationship doesn’t change because of it then I see zero issue.

38. Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids. After kids, our wives HOPE that we’d rather just masturbate most of the time lol.

39. Damn, I wish my wife offered to “help” every time 😄