Well, this is beyond awkward at this point. It turns out she had no romantic interest in me at all, just thought we were friendly. Matter of fact, she is currently seeing someone else. Never mentioned that beforehand.
I must of just somehow been misreading every sign she was giving me. Compliments, body language, eye contact, giving me her number, agreeing to hang out alone together outside of work, all of it was just in my head I guess. I should’ve known better.
To me, all of the behavior she was exhibiting up until today was nothing but green lights. Nothing about the way she acted towards me suggested she didn’t like me. I’m sorry, but if you’re in a relationship, but also simultaneously agreeing to hang out with another guy, just the two of you, that’s kind of sus to me. She says she thought we “were just friendly.” Like what? We were borderline flirting. Also not mentioning you were seeing someone until the very last moment, is incredibly misleading.
It ended catastrophically between me and her because of this miscommunication and now she hates me. We work together, so that’s going to make things awkward.
21 comments
Borderline flirting meaning you weren’t flirting? And can’t she just want to hang out with someone she sees as a friend? If you’re unsure about something then you should communicate that with the person who you are talking to. In example if you think a girl might be interested in you then you should talk to her to find out her intentions. If she just wants to be your friend then you should let her just be your friend without trying to get in her pants. If she didn’t expressly say she was interested in you then the only person who misled you is your own brain.
I’ve dated plenty of men who had female friends they saw one on one and they had no issues with me hanging out with guy friends. We trusted each other and we both see the opposite gender as human beings, not solely sexual/romantic objects. If you don’t believe in opposite gender friends that’s fine, but acting like she did something wrong to her boyfriend is jumping to conclusions.
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I read all your posts. We’re the same age bar a year and I’ve been there mate. Listen, the woman did nothing wrong.
I could tell from your first post you were clutching at straws. What you described was basic interaction between two co-workers. Okay, her being the opposite sex makes your brain start buzzing, but you need to see people as people. She just saw a cool guy at work. Most people are looking for friends more than they are relationships w 9/10 people they come onto contact with.
Personally, at this age I’m done with all the guessing. Next time you think something “might be” ask ASAP and see if “it is”
Good luck in the next round.
Ouch, rough one. I can see both sides of this – I don’t think that you were crazy to read interest into her behaviour, but also maybe she just was genuinely being friendly. I do think she was a bit naive (at best) to have not picked up on your interest though. It’s also a bit sus that she never mentioned her boyfriend at any point, that would have been an easy and natural thing to mention in conversation.
These days I would just ask “if you just want to be friends, that’s ok just let me know”. Can save you some wasted time and effort
I’ve just read through your other posts. I’m 35 so quite a bit older than you, but can maybe throw another perspective at it.
From what you described with how things went, I’d actually support your theory that she was giving you nothing but the green light. I had a few female colleagues that showed less interest in me than this girl has you, which turned out to be interested in me and I hadn’t picked up on it. Could have had a lot more fun and success with women in hindsight 😂
The thing that sticks out to me is that she probably wasn’t certain about you as a prospective boyfriend (because you hadn’t hung out properly etc), but nor is she certain about the guy she’s seeing. I have a feeling that she was hoping to see how things were going to go with you hanging out etc first *before* deciding wether to leave her guy for you. She was probably trying to play it safe and keep him around if you didn’t click with her, but kept him quiet as to not put you off.
If you genuinely really like her and can handle her having a bloke, it might be worth hanging out with her anyway and seeing what (if anything) develops. But if you do choose to do that, don’t take her on a date or spend a significant amount of money, just go for a walk or drink somewhere and see how you get on outside of work. If I’m right, she won’t have any hesitation in leaving this guy for you if you are more suitable for her moving forward.
Also, don’t beat yourself up too much you didn’t do anything wrong. Just try to learn to not overthink these types of things like you have done and play it a little safer. Best of luck to you!
I know that we’re sexual beings and we’re always looking for companionship in every interaction with the opposite sex but please, see people as people first before you see them as potential partners. It will help you to build stronger and more meaningful relationships. People hung out all the time, it’s harmless. And eventually when you get a girlfriend, you won’t be insecure about her hanging out with her friends.
If you were to ask me to hang out I also wouldn’t have thought it was a date but a friendly outing… hanging out is hanging out and a date is a date, 2 different things with different meanings. Why would I assume a date when the word date was not used and I am not interested romantically? Most of her actions are just me being friendly 😭 like friends give each other compliments, people make eye contact, none of that seems out of the ordinary.
Bro I know it sucks but when I was younger and married I would do something similar just to feed my ego.I would flirt with women get their number just to see if I could (si stupid).It eventually led to me cheating (big shocker) and after the 1st one it was all down hill for me (man whore feature engaged) which obviously led me to losing a good woman(whi was and still is hot btw)and really getting into sone self destructive shit.Bro she was simply letting you stroke you’re ego and trust ne she’s on her way to cheating if she hasn’t already. Don’t beat yourself up to bad about it move on but definitely do a better job at reading the signs because if you really think about it they were there you were just blinded my thst ass lol.
You are not a fool. You may continue with no feelings with her if you want. Or she gets off on leading men on and saying no. Again- A for effort.
A bunch of y’all just talking a whole bunch of bullsh
Damn bro that is terrible
I’m curious if she were a guy would you think she was gay? (or bi or whatever)
dude..u liked her, u made a move, didn’t work, dust it of and forget about it.
I’m sorry man. I hope you find someone. May God bless you with love. In fact, I hope that for all on here.
You’re not a fool. You just didn’t know if there was something there, and that’s what the date is for. I think you may have tried to advance things a little too fast when transitioning to the “I really like you” but, but she _also_ could have done you a favor by off-handedly mentioning her bf (like “My bf _loves_ these cookies” or “That happened to my bf, once”). I do that when I feel like a woman is starting to view me as a romantic prospect.
However, some people in monogamous relationships fee the need to verify that they’ve “still got it”, so they don’t do anything to throw cold water on someone who’s hitting on them. Not the best way to treat people, but it’s common, so you learn to calibrate your expectations.
NEVER date co-workers.. The saying “don’t shit where you sleep applies to this situation. She should’ve asked you out first. She just used you as attention outside of the guy she was seeing. You’re the work bf w/o getting what you’d like out of the situation 😂
Just curious here, but where did everyone get the idea that if a person shows any kind of interest in another person of the opposite sex that it HAS to have some kind of romantic stipulation associated to it?
As a woman, there have been plenty of men I have really gotten along with, shared similar interests and made very clear from the beginning that all I wanted was friendship with this person. It didn’t matter if i was partnered or not. Without fail, a few months into the friendship, they would always approach me with “wanting more”… and I would be like “No. I’ve made it clear that we are friends, and nothing more, I don’t see you that way”.
After that, I’ve somehow lost a friend because they don’t understand “why” they are being “friendzoned”. Like… I just wanted to be friends from the beginning and anytime I was just being friendly with them, they took it as flirting or some kind of “sign”… No, I have just treated you as I would any other friend and it’s so frustrating to lose a potentially good friendship because people cannot get past the fact that platonic friendships can exist between two people of the opposite sex.
Don’t shit where you eat
Why did it end catastrophically given that in the end everything was cleared up? It seems like you left something out in the story-telling? If at the end she let you know she was seeing someone and liked you as a friend, how did it become a catastrophe?