I have a male therapist. He is probably in his mid 30’s. I got my therapist through a hospital, so I didn’t get to choose who it was going to be. They just gave me a therapist and then set up my first appointment.
I go to therapy for an extensive list of things. OCD, persistent depressive disorder, adhd combined type, social anxiety and generalized anxiety. You can kind of tell that I probably need it. You can’t really tell that I have these problems unless I tell you and you then start to notice things.
Long story short, I would tell my fiancé about what my therapist and I talk about sometimes. If he shares really good advice with me, I will say something like “My therapist gave me a whole new way to look at things today” and then share them with him. I don’t tell my fiancé everything, because some things like how my mind works is a little too personal and I’m scared of judgement. It’s also not necessary for him to know. I tell my fiancé what’s necessary and leave it at that. What I class as necessary is what I have, a little bit about how it affects me and that’s it. I leave the details for my therapist. My fiancé has been making crude jokes about us. Saying “What kind of therapy are you really going for?” insinuating infidelity. He makes it sound like a joke though, and it gets on my nerves because I don’t need ideas like that put into my head with the type of OCD that I have. It makes things awkward.
It wasn’t until today that my fiancé straight up told me that he has some beef with my therapist. He says that he should be the only man that I come to for anything, and that I should be telling him all of my problems. The first thing that I asked was, “Are you a licensed therapist?” and he obviously said no. I explained that I would like help from a medically trained professional. Some things I’m not wanting to say to my fiancé about my brain. All in all, he doesn’t like the fact that I have a male therapist.
This whole conversation got brought up because a car damaged my parked vehicle and was told I had to have the whole quarter panel replaced, but a more small-town business said that it’s fixable with dent-repair and then buffing the scratches and painting. I emailed a couple of other businesses for a second word, asked my fiancé, asked my mom, and sent photos of my car to 2 mechanical male family friends (of similar age to me) to see what they all thought. I was looking for good advice and reasoning behind it. He was immediately mad that I went and asked the 2 male friends of mine what they thought. I explained that I wanted as much advice as possible from all walks of life. He says that it’s like “asking one of his female friends for decorating advice because he doesn’t trust what I think”. I can sort of see his point, but this is when he brought up my male therapist.
Advice?
*Original was taken off due to a word that I used so here it is again*
11 comments
Huge red flag. He obviously should not be dictating who you are able to talk to. Good job standing up for yourself
Lol tell him to get over it. Ridiculous
Jealous much 🙄 imagine being so insecure that you’re stressing out about a male therapist. When people react like this to similar situations, it’s clear they have massive trust issues. You should ask him why he doesn’t trust you, if he says ‘it’s him I don’t trust’, that’s just bullshit. If he trusted you 100% you could go out to a club with 10 guys and he’d trust you not to cheat. Seriously reconsider marrying this fool.
Edit
Going by your post history, this guy is a tool. Why are you with this guy? He even has an issue with you getting advice from a guy about a car 🤦♀️
>He says that he should be the only man that I come to for anything, and that I should be telling him all of my problems
OP this is utterly toxic. It’s not just bad or a little problem, it’s straight up toxic red flag get out of here stuff.
This kind of thing will escalate so he can further control. Can you have a male doctor? A male gyno? You can’t have male friends that know about cars, he’s made that clear already.
Toxic partners ramp up their control techniques when they think they have you trapped, like being engaged. This man will only get worse. I’m sure he’s done other things you’re not including here. Please trust your gut.
Lmao dude cannot be more insecure. This is textbook toxic masculinity for himself. Lots of unlearning to do. If anybody should be going to therapy, and perhaps even a male therapist so he can see a man potentially comfortable in his masculinity, it should be him. Give me a break, dudes like this couldn’t be more pathetic. “I should be the only man you go to” head assery
He sounds insecure and insensitive.
Oh, God. Imagine a marriage to this guy? Jesus.
Can you see his point? I can’t!
I’ve had excellent therapists, male and female. Men offer an outside perspective that can help me see how a healthy man behaves.
It’s unacceptable that your boyfriend doesn’t want you to ask a male therapist for help with mental health.
And it’s just as weird that he’s upset that you asked two mechanic friends about car advice.
We’ve already established your boyfriend isn’t a therapist, is he a mechanic? Does he do body work on cars?
Would you be pissed if he asked a friend who is an interior decorator for advice?
I have a problem on certain levels with other men. It’s not always how others have previously commented. He may have been hurt in the past, causing these issues. Men aka boyfriends can have problems too. It doesn’t necessarily make him bad but it does indicate he needs guidance too.
Your partner has a problem with self-confidence. Ahem. Cough, cough. I mean, a problem on a massive scale. So, let me explain the sitch:
Your partner keeps a very close eye on you and what you do; like, all the time. Questions abound such as “Who was he?”, and, “What did he say?” etcetera….blah blah
Basically, he sees every male subject as a threat to your relationship. His job is to absolutely squash any and all possibilities of another male making your happier than he does. Make sense?
So, let’s have a cup of coffee and get some perspective on this. All you have to do is sit down calmly with your partner and open by saying, “Hey, I sense you’ve been a little jealous lately…..” Or say something your’ve comfy with.
(Big Hint) He desperately feels the need for your love and commitment. He feels like he’s being replaced and soon he’ll be kicked to the curb..
You need to leave the boyfriend, not the therapist, I hope, you know that.