I met this girl on a game and we have now been dating for almost 3 months. I knew she had a lot of mental issues getting into it and i thought i was prepared enough as i have had very similar experiences but apparently i was not.
I have tried constantly to help and encourage her but after 3 months of this with no changes i realized that i was spending too much of my time worrying about this and needed to take a step back.
Here is the exact message i sent her roughly a day ago (ignore the poor grammar)
“i can no longer bear the attitude i recieve when i’m doing the only thing i know how to do. this is weighing too much on my mind and im not cut out for this. i refuse to just stand by and act like nothing’s happening as that will just upset me even more. im out of the very limited options i had to begin with and im unsure of what exactly i plan to do but until you’re willing to meet me halfway and listen to what im saying i think i need a break. i love talking to you and being in call but with everything else going on it’s too much for me. i know it’s a foreign concept to u but i need to just take a step back and focus on myself and u need to do the same. i don’t want to break up but if you feel the need to so you can find someone else that blindly gives you attention then i guess i can’t stop you. i love u”
Immediately after i sent that message she tried to apologize but i have yet to respond.
I recognize in some parts of that message i was passive aggressive so that certainly hasn’t helped.
I follow her on tiktok and in the past 24 hours since i said this she has posted and commented on roughly 10 things relating to me saying i need a break and how it would be easier if she killed herself.
She has confessed that she semi-frequently cuts herself and has attempted suicide in the past. She lives far enough away from me that there is no chance i could go and see her.
I feel hopeless and lost on what to do. I still feel like i need a break but i don’t know what i would do with myself if i found out she did something to herself.
What can i say to assess the situation and try to reassure her without further involving myself?
3 comments
Send her resources for suicide prevention and let it go.
As someone with BPD I can relate to feeling suicidal when I feel rejected. I know that it looks like I’m trying to be manipulative but that is truly how I feel in that moment. My advice would be to reach out and ask her if she is legitimately suicidal. If she says yes then tell her you are going to call the police to do a welfare check. If she’s doing it just for attention she will learn a very harsh lesson and will stop posting about it. And if she truly is suicidal and that is her way of expressing it then you just saved her life.
Why put yourself in this situation? Stop thinking you can “assess the situation” when you have zero experience in mental health interventions! ffs get your head out of your butt, leave her to professionals.