(19M) How do I do it? I mean obviously focusing on the clit and areas of stimulation but I just seems like one of those things you’re either good at or you’re not. I’ve never gone down on a women so can’t say I’m experienced but hoping to change that. Fast or slow? Before or after PIV? Both? All very foreign territory to me so lmk
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There’s no one way to do it. Just ask her what she likes and what feels good and just go with it.
Be enthusiastic. Dive in deep. Get it on your face. Don’t hold back.
And ask her for feedback, let her guide you.
Start slow and build up + circular motion and don’t forget to run your hands across her body as your doing it, you can start slow with this as well. Kiss your way down there as well to build it up before you even start
It’s good to understand the anatomy. The clitoris is like a bifurcated penis; the little nib at the top is very similar tissue to the penis head, and there is erectile tissue (just like the shaft of a penis) that runs from it underneath the labia majora on each side. Because these tissues are so similar, you can consider the ways you like to be stimulated and try versions of that on her. Suction on the clit and the labia can help make things sensitive. While it can be fun to tease around it before going into the vagina, don’t be shy about it once you do go in. Hesitation will be picked up on. This isn’t to say be rough, just be confident. Fluids are a good thing. Use your nose when you’re tongue deep to stimulate the clit. The first three inches of her vagina are the sensitive areas and spreading your tongue in and out or drawing letters with your tongue in there can help with variety.
Don’t neglect her other erogenous zones. Use your hands to stimulate her breasts, hold her, clasp her hands.
Make eye contact when you can.
Brush your teeth before. Do not blow into her. Above all, pay attention to her sounds, movements, and physical reactions. Women tend to blush across our upper chest, neck, and t zone when we’re close to orgasm. Just repeat what’s getting good reactions when you see that happening and if she’s tensing her hip flexors and lower abdomen you’re getting her there. Don’t quit until she tells you to stop. No pain no gain.
>just seems like one of those things you’re either good at or you’re not
Absolutely not true. Most 19-year-old guys have no freakin’ clue what they’re doing down there. As a guy who was once 19 years old, I can attest to this, so no offense. I’ve also gotten a lot better at this over the years.
But I tried even when I was a teenager. With my first girlfriends, I tried hard, even though none of them expected it. I read anatomy books (yeah, I’m old) and read information on female sexual response. But when you first get down there, chances are, it’s going to be confusing and you’re not going to do it well at first. And this from a nerd (me) who studied many diagrams in advance.
Let’s answer some questions:
>Fast or slow?
That’s the wrong first question. I mean, “start slow and get faster” is the *general* idea.
But the first question is can you find her “parts”? Do you know what to do with her “parts”? Figure those out first, and then try it on an actual woman. You can then see how fast or slow she seems to want you to do those various things. Because… there are *a lot of things you can do*. There’s a lot down there. Holes and multiple sets of lips and a clitoris. And a lot of different regions on all of those, all of which are likely to be more or less sensitive on different women. There are literally dozens of different possible things you could do with your tongue or lips or combinations of your mouth and fingers to stimulate all of these. And different women will like different things.
I don’t mean for this to sound overwhelming. But before asking stuff like “fast or slow,” if you really want serious advice, take some time and study some anatomical photos and read up on the different parts. For most women, starting slow by teasing her inner lips (labia minora) and the area inside (where the vagina and urethra are) with your tongue is good. Running your tongue up and down her slit to get her ready at the outset can get your started.Teasing around that area (like licking her outer lips or inner thighs or sucking parts of them gently with your lips) can also get her more eager. After that… “Fucking” her vagina with your tongue can be really intimate and pleasing to many women, though the effectiveness may vary based on your tongue length. It may be easier to just get her wet with initial licking and introduce a finger for vaginal stimulation.
Finding the clitoris is really good. Many young men can’t, and a surprising amount of young women apparently (based on polls with diagrams) don’t even know where their own is. Looking at a diagram is easier than me trying to describe it. But even then, honestly, inexperienced guys may spend some time searching, particularly with women with small clits and if you’re doing this in a setting where the light level is low. For many women, direct simulation to the clitoris can be too intense (or only for the later stages), though licking it across the hood (which comes from above) is better and less direct. And at that point, it really depends on the woman — mostly a variety of tongue flicks and lapping and rhythmic thrusting with your tongue can work on the clit. Some like suction, but that can be intense too.
Mostly, to be honest, until you’ve seen several women down there and are used to finding everything easily, the best advice may be to just lick and suck various places and pay attention to what makes her moan or gasp. If you do something that causes her to moan repeatedly, do more of it. If she grinds her hips into your mouth, definitely do more of it. Ask her, if she’s willing to give feedback. Definitely try to be enthusiastic — that can help a lot.
>Before or after PIV? Both?
It’s most typically foreplay. That is, before PIV. But honestly, it should be an element of *late* foreplay most of the time. Work up to it. Kiss her. Caress her body. Kiss parts of her body. Lick parts of her body. Explore her with her hands, and continue exploring her with your hands when you begin oral. Most women like a lot of intimate touching on lots of parts of their bodies. It’s not quite the same as most guys, who seem to be so genital-focused.
As for after PIV? If you cum inside someone, you’re going to be licking your own sperm afterward, which many guys are not into. But if you use a condom, etc., then afterward can also help her to finish if you orgasm first.
Tip for beginners to help a lot of women orgasm in this case: a finger or two in vagina plus tongue on clit is generally a very good combination. And something to work up to with a woman (not start with). But again, every woman is different.
Great posts above. ⬆️ also when starting out I pretend I’m painting symbols or letters with my tongue. That helps avoiding hesitance. You can go in alphabetical order and return to letters she likes.
When I was younger, I once got advice from this dude who said, “Do the A,B,C’s slowly with your tongue, so essentially you are drawing the letters with your tongue which helps with circular motions…but ask her what she likes everywomen is different I mean with speed,pressure,motion etc
I almost don’t even want to answer after all the effort /u/Sam_314159 put in. But the general two rules I’d say are this:
First step is to look at anatomy pics and try to get an idea of where everything is.
The second step is just trying you best, starting out slow, and if she says she likes what you’re doing THEN DO NOT STOP (unless she tells you too of course).
If there is one technique that gets women off most consistently, it’s this: open your mouth slightly, use gentle suction to hold her clit between your puckered lips, then massage her clit with your tongue. This works great, but it’s really under-rated and seldom discussed. That’s probably because it doesn’t really look like anything (nobody can learn it by watching porn) and the receiver probably doesn’t even know what’s being done (so a giver won’t even be taught the “move” by someone who enjoyed it in the past).
You can also check out the pinned post on my profile for a longer how-to.
Not every woman likes it hard. My wife is really sensitive. So don’t just start going hard. Let her grind against you and ask her what she likes. My wife for instance likes minimal sucking and licking but adding a couple fingers at the same time with a slow steady pace drives her wild. Just take your time and enjoy.
Here I’m going to give you the ultimate secret to giving head… ready?
Communicate! You and her both. You’re young so you might be shy about talking during the act but it’s vital. Her body language might not be completely representative of how she’s feeling so ask her to tell you when it feels really good and when you should switch to a different method. For some women too much clitoral stimulation can overwhelm them before they get there.
It may be a matter of switching between oral and fingering, using a toy, going to PIV etc. be gentle with her and encourage her to be honest when something isn’t working don’t take it personally. Good luck to you both