I just broke up with my ex yesterday, but I can’t imagine my life without a piece of him. He said we can be friends. But, I don’t think I can be. I love him to much. I don’t want to move on. But, we are fundamentally different. I’m not mad. He’s good in my books, but I don’t know what I am suppose to want. Or what I should want?
18 comments
Short answer is no, after a break up you have to find or establish your new life without him. If in 6 months or a year, after the needs you had fulfilled by your ex are fulfilled by you or others in your life, have the conversation with yourself again and see if it’s still what you want. If you give in now or try to bridge this friendship while you’re not taken care of you’ll only be prolonging the pain.
I think you can be friends with an ex, but I do think that in most cases it takes time. I don’t think at this point it is advisable to try to be friends as you still have much stronger feelings for him. This will subside eventually and then you can consider a friendship if it occurs naturally.
Yes. I’m friends with my ex husband.
Yeah depends on how things ended. To have a friend you gotta be a friend.
Yes, it is possible. My ex-wife and I were married for 17 years. Divorced 6 years ago. And remained friends. In fact, my ex, her bf, my wife and I actually go to dinner together about once a month.
Yes, you can be friends with an ex (I have plenty of exes I am still close with) but it needs to be AFTER you get over them. Time and distance. Lick your wounds, get past the pain.
If after that, you both think you can have a positive platonic relationship, then sure.
Right now you need to get over him, and yes, move on.
Yes but not right after you break up
Move on first, then you can be friends.
Because otherwise what you’re setting yourself up for is not getting over your ex and falling into a dependent relationship where it’ll hurt once one of you finds someone new to date.
It’s possible but probably not immediately. One of my husband’s exes is a very good friend of both of ours (I met her a few years after they broke up playing on the same coed sports team). They dated for probably less than a year 15 years ago. They get along great, and I love her, she’s friends with my sister, she came to our wedding. But I know there is absolutely nothing sexual between them any more, and zero longing to go back to that old relationship. I think that’s when it’s possible to be friends, when neither person misses the relationship.
You definitely need time and space away from them to heal. I don’t think it’s possible until you get to a point where you are happy and moved on from the breakup. I would not rush into being friends. It will make it harder to have him “halfway” in your life than to just rip off the band-aid and remove yourself from the situation. Do not heal with the intention of staying friends. Heal for yourself and forget him. You can only find out if friendship is possible for you much farther down the road.
Based on personal experience, its possible, depending on the people involved and the reason that you broke up. My wife, who I met much later, never let us spend time together alone if she could help it, knowing that we had a history.
You can be. I know people who’ve done it for the sake of kids, put aside their own feelings.
But you can’t do it right away. And you can’t do it unless both people are on board for a platonic-only relationship.
You need some time away from him, no contact, to relearn what life is without him, and to start letting go of feelings, and rounding the sharp edges of grief.
Then, if you still want to, maybe you can be friends.
No.
I think it all depends on why you broke up. Dating is a test to see if you are romantically compatible. If your life goals don’t match. If you discover while dating that you would drive each other insane living together. If his parents drive you bonkers. If you never get past being friends to being more. And everyone sits down and says “yeah this isn’t working let’s break up” shakes hands and keeps it moving then I think being friends is possible. I think the true test is if he started dating someone would you be jealous? Or supportive? Do you think you can let him do his own thing from here on out without any say? If you can’t do that then you can’t truly be a friend to him. If you think a relationship with him would sabotage a future relationship that you might build then you need to give him space because you deserve a successful relationship.
You can, but you limit your options with fewer partners.
It’s possible, but in your case, it sounds like it might be a bad idea, at least right now. If you love him too much and don’t want to move on, then you need space to heal. Once you get to the point where you feel like you’ve moved on, then maybe you can try for friendship. But as of this moment, you need to focus on yourself. The only way a friendship between the two of you can work is if you’ve both quashed any idea or possibility of romance.
As for what you’re “supposed” to want or “should” want: forget that whole concept. What *do* you want? If what you *want* is to continue dating despite knowing logically that it’s a bad idea, then get some space from him. If what you want is to keep him in your life but not as a romantic partner, then still get some space but leave the door cracked a little for when you’ve both healed.
Of course you can be friends with an ex! Sometimes, the romantic love grows to a much stronger and respectful connection.
Yes, but after a fresh break up usually no. You can be friends by reconnecting later on at-least from my own experience.
I think it’s rare, both parties have to be mature and no longer have any feelings for the other