I’d never pressure anyone but I’ve always held in the back of my mind that if she doesn’t orgasm then the sex was a bit lacklustre and I could’ve performed better – maybe I didn’t tend to her mental arousal as I should have, maybe I was too eager and not receptive enough to her nonverbal feedback, maybe she didn’t find me attractive enough.
But then you read and hear endlessly about how the overwhelming majority of women report faking orgasms especially in causal sex, so I wonder if I’m setting the bar too high.
The holy grail of female orgasms is the vaginal orgasm, but it seems like only a minority of women report even being able to experience that, and less likely on a ONS than with a loving longer term partner.
In light of that should I even be trying to bring a casual partner to a vaginal orgasm or should I just focus on clitoral stimulation? Maybe telling them to stimulate it during PIV as well if I’m not doing it for them?
I’d rather that my partner never feigned an orgasm since my ego isn’t riding on it, I just want them to have a good time. Should I communicate that or will it make them feel more self conscious?
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Just one? I’d be disappointed if she only had one.
The vaginal orgasm is the holy grail? Well then I’m fucked….
Look. Here is what you as a man can do. Communicate. Ask her what she likes. Ask her what she wants. Ask her if she came. Ask her how she cums. Ask her to show you. Ask her if she feels like she can right now and what can you do to help her get there?
And then listen and trust.
I cant cum from anything a man does. I have to use a vibrator on myself or it’s not gonna happen. So what do I do? Well I still like being fingered. I still like oral. I love GIVING foreplay to my man as well. I love penetration. I have my positions that are my favorite. And I like to be touched a certain wait that I show while I try to cum with my toy.
Every woman is different. As long as you show up, care about her PLEASURE, have fun, respect boundaries, and help her cum IF SHE CAN AND WANTS THAT, you are golden bro.
Nope, they should are you are not performing your duties correctly
I mean, you’re a dude so how the hell do you know a vaginal orgasm is the holy grail? Clitorial orgasms are amazing. ANY orgasm is amazing. How about *focusing* on making a girl orgasm period regardless what kind it is. Vaginally, clitorially, g-spt, anal etc.
>The holy grail of female orgasms is the vaginal orgasm
Do you mean for her, or for *you*? Maybe *you* like the idea of a woman orgasming from your penis, but as a guy, I recognize most of my partners have enjoyed a wide variety of orgasms… and PIV sex is not necessarily the best or strongest for many women.
>In light of that should I even be trying to bring a casual partner to a vaginal orgasm or should I just focus on clitoral stimulation?
Why is this an either/or? Every woman is different, but most like to be touched. In lots of ways. They like guys to actually pay attention to them, to do a variety of things during foreplay. Foreplay in my opinion *is the main event* for many women (at least with many of my partners) in the sense that if that’s not good for her… nothing else is as good.
>Should I communicate that or will it make them feel more self conscious?
Depends on personality, but I imagine most women will find it more difficult to communicate desires bluntly immediately with a partner they don’t know. But many if not most will be appreciative of someone who asks, and it may help to break the ice.
I don’t know your age or amount of experience, but if you really want it to happen for a woman you don’t know, I’d suggest *slowing down* and getting to know what she likes. Even in a casual encounter, taking 10-20 minutes (or more… preferably more, unless she wants it quick) to explore her body, listen to and find what makes her gasp or moan, and not rushing into penetrative sex, may be very helpful. The most important thing is to show that *you care* about her pleasure. And that means probably first recognizing that PIV orgasms are not some “holy grail.” Every woman works differently. Pay attention to the details of each woman you’re with, and that will probably help significantly.
And yes, for some women, it can be difficult to achieve an orgasm with someone they don’t know or care about emotionally. So be open to that possibility too and don’t create pressure if she says it’s just not likely to happen.
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Depends on the woman, depends on the woman, 1000% always always always depends on the woman.
Use your communication skills (ask her what she’s into, or try stuff and see what works and what doesn’t, etc etc etc) to get some notion of what she likes, and then do stuff she likes for as long as it feels fun for you both. If whispering nasty shit makes her purr, get that dirty talk going. If she responds well to you playing with her clit, play with her clit. If she clearly loves having something in her pussy, work that pussy. If you start getting tired/frustrated, or she’s giving some sort of indication that she’s no longer digging it, do something else. Or let her take the lead and do stuff to you, if she’s giving indications she’s down for that. Whatever.
Some women will start machine-gunning orgasms as soon as they get aroused, and if you only give her one that means you were REALLY lazy. (Vaginal, clitoral, whatever, it’s all good.) Other women really enjoy the sensations of sex (otherwise, why are they bothering with the ONS?) but almost never cum, particularly with a first-time partner, so she’s not gonna sweat it if it doesn’t happen but if you DO manage to get her off holy SHIT bro she is NOT gonna lose your number. Most are somewhere in between.
The crucial thing is to not walk in there with the attitude of “She must cum at least X times or I must hang my head in shame for I am BAD AT FUCK.” That will absolutely feel like pressure and make her that much less likely to get there.
The idea is you’re trying to create a space where her orgasms are welcome, but not mandatory. Do that, and chances are she’s gonna remember you as a good time.
Good luck, mate, and good on you for caring.
>The holy grail of female orgasms is the vaginal orgasm
Hahahahahahahaha
Look, it depends on the person, but for me they’re a sad consolation prize.
Is expecting a man to have a prostate orgasm on a ONS setting the bar too high? I personally think it is because I haven’t managed to give one yet at all but I’d be curious to see what men think.
I’m extremely irked that men seem to think that clitoral orgasms are worthless, because they really really aren’t. If you want to give an orgasm with your penis, specifically, and you’ll feel bad about your penis if you don’t, what is stopping you from rubbing her clit with your dick?
>The holy grail of female orgasms is the vaginal orgasm
No it isn’t. Not to women at least, but to some men’s ego I guess it might be. Wanna make sure she has a good time? Then figure out how she enjoys having her clit stimulated. Expecting women to cum from penetration alone is like expecting a man to cum from just having his balls rubbed.
Don’t ignore the clit unless she specifically tells you to leave it alone. Oh, and don’t be rough on it either, start softly. It’s way more sensitive than your penis.