Some quick context: been dating someone three months we live about 20 minutes apart and have similar careers, interests and goals. We get along very well. Sleepovers most nights and date nights etc. had a few big conversations this week and things were going in the right direction. I left his house monday morning and heard from him quickly after saying how happy he is with me and thanking me for staying over. I didn’t hear from him again…I tried texting and nothing. Tuesday midday i tried again and he said he couldn’t text right now and he would text back later. Texts that night that he’s going through family shit “and other stuff” and that he needs to take a step back. But then when I asked what that meant, he had no explanation. I said I hope he’s okay and I’m here for him but I will leave him alone and he thanked me, then disappeared. Nothing since in the past three days but still watching my Instagram stories. 🙄
I am beyond upset and feel completely used. A text? No conversation? Is this the end or does that mean he needs space? What does what he said even mean? He had a recent ex girlfriend and I know there was a lot of drama there but he told me she was was blocked. I had checked and confirmed. Today, I checked and they’re following each other. Just trying to see what people think and whether this means it’s over or something else? I just want closure and it’s killing me.
7 comments
This is a pretty unpopular stance here, but I think you should seek that closure. You need to confront him – because otherwise you’re enabling this kind of crappy behaviour. People need to be held accountable for their actions and taking the “high road” often means they just get away with it. (Obviously I’m projecting a lot here :))
At the very least draft an email or text with everything you want to say about how hurt you’re feeling and how awful he’s being. Then it’s upto you if you want to send it or not. And if you send it, don’t do it with the expectation of a response.
I’m really sorry this is happening to you. 3 months is not a small duration to just shake something like this off and you’re absolutely validated in feeling despondent.
It will get better with time, I promise. But that doesn’t mean you have to be miserable now.
And yes, the ex Instagram thing is shady AF – have there been other signs of him being this avoidant?
That’s so rough… I’m sorry this happened to you.
This is really awful behavior on his part. To just ditch you like that without providing any explanation, after 3 months of seeing someone, is extremely problematic. I wouldn’t tolerate that sort of behavior from someone; it takes two people to make a relationship work, and he’s clearly shown that when things get hard, he’s going to play the avoidant game.
It’s going to be tough for a while, but I’d suggest moving on. I don’t think you can read too far into the tea leaves of him and his ex, but I also don’t think you need to. Nobody deserves to be treated the way he treated you.
Lady, no offence, but if your best friend came to you saying exactly what you wrote, what would your response be? He’s clearly not as into you as you thought you were, he’s following his ex again, after telling you he had her blocked. Seriously, you know what that means.
He’s either not over her, wants to fuck her, or has been talking to her, working on getting back together while dating you. He’s “taking a step back” but not fully ending it, because he wants to keep you as a backup in case it fails with his ex.
Dude, fuck this type of behavior. Someone that is into you wouldn’t play around like this. It’s only been 3 months, you clearly don’t know him well enough yet anyways, and he’s already being VERY sketchy at best, cheating on you with his ex at worst. Is this the type of man you want? Is this the type of relationship you want? Full of doubts, dude who disappears, secretly connecting with his ex?
Fuck him, send him a quick “hey, just want to let you know that I think we shouldn’t see each other anymore, best of luck with your family issues”, then BLOCK HIM, go out with your girls, learn from this (what to look out for, what signals you want in an early relationship) and when you feel better, find yourself someone who’s going to value you.
You should want someone that is willing to jump fences for you, not be on the fence about you.
He obviously has some issues and now you’re on the hook. None of us knows what’s going on with that person’s head. However, based on what you’re saying, I can tell that he doesn’t care.
You two were intimate, then he’d just poof and disappear like that? Either he’s playing with your emotions or he has some real issues in life, or both.
My advice, do not get involved with that dude anymore than you have. It would probably be hard for you, but leave. Immediately. Sorry you have to go through that, and sorry he’s a *coward*.
The answer is right in front of you. He got back together with his ex. Don’t seek closure. You won’t get it.
Always remember: Silence is a response.
What you’re going through is so tough, especially coming out of nowhere.
That being said- I wouldn’t read anything into him watching your Instagram stories.
On the bright side, if there is one, he didn’t ghost you. He at least gave the info about family stuff and said he needed to step back. Some people would just disappear without a word.
As for the ex girlfriend and them following each other- I highly recommend unfollowing him and blocking him from your stuff. You’ll just continue to monitor these things hoping to figure things out. It’s not worth the stress and it keeps you stuck.
I’d focus on taking care of yourself and how you feel right now, and then moving forward. “Closure” in my mind either doesn’t exist the way people like to think it does, or, it’s something you give yourself by moving on and forward.
After three months, if he’s not willing to open up more about what’s going on with him, I don’t know that I’d want to continue to be with him anyway. He could have showed you more consideration with this than he has.
Yet another hard earned “*nothing is exclusive until it is explicitly agreed upon*” lesson.
I learned it the hard way too. It sucks and I truly feel for you.
Delete his number and move on. If he reaches out again, you ignore and move forward with finding someone who’s a better match.