I’m VERY particular when it comes to cleanliness. My room is aesthetic and colour coordinated. I make sure I keep upgrading it with fairy lights, my paintings, pretty furniture, polaroids etc.
I still remember when my ex video called me and his hostel room made me nauseous, it looked so messy. I was immediately turned off and I knew I’ll break up with him soon and thankfully he cheated.
Personally, I think it’s okay to be minimalistic/simple, but clutter and messiness is horrible. How on earth do you live in a place that looks like a gutter??? At least organize your things wtf.
My current partner video called me and his room is so messed up. I want to ask him to clean it up but I don’t want to come off as mean. He’s amazing in every other way.
I’m starting to wonder, do all guys have dirty rooms?
44 comments
A dirty room is gross but someone who fails to see how it’s an issue is even grosser. girls are equally guilty of making pig styes
Haha, well, let me tell you, not all guys have dirty rooms. I’ve met plenty of guys, including myself, who take pride in keeping a clean space. But hey, everyone’s different. If the messy room bothers you, it’s okay to kindly mention it to your partner. Just let him know that a clean environment is something you value and see if he’s open to tidying up a bit. It’s all about finding a compromise that works for both of you.
I keep clean and cook. When push comes to shove women dont care about all that, they just pick the better looking dude.
Dirty not so much, a bit unorganized yes. Now if you end a chat and resume hours later and it’s still the same then you should say something in a non offensive way.
14 years ago I was on plenty of fish. I matched with a guy and we FaceTimed his room was such a mess and his bed was unmade it was a total turn off for me. We chatted a few more times and he seemed to know everything about me even though we had never met. I didn’t meet up with him in person because honestly his messy room turned me off. Fast forward a couple weeks and I was being called into the police station. Apparently this guy was a predator and was meeting girls on line grooming them and raping them.
His messy room saved my life lol
Advice part: just tell him to clean his room? You don’t have to be rude about it just say you don’t like disorder and thrive in cleanliness. I don’t think it’s a big deal. Either he cleans it up or doesn’t and you have to learn to live with it if he is worth it.
You have to decide how big of a problem that is for you. You are NEVER going to find someone 100% pefect for you. If you toss aside everyone that even has 1 flaw you will die alone. That said if it really bothers you it may be worth bringing it up. Maybe mention how important a clean and organized room is to you and see what he says.
Not all of us have dirty/messy rooms but alot of us do. At least for me it’s not that I don’t care about keeping it organized. I try but it’s hard for me bc I have ADHD. If somebody were to tell me to clean it and maybe give me tips on how to stay organized I would be ok with that.
If he’s not going to fix this, which I doubt he will because he wouldn’t wait on someone to tell him to clean his place if he was clean and hygienic in the first place, leave him. This will become a way bigger issue in your relationship, it’s a compatibility problem.
Why bother telling him to clean? If someone is messy, that’s how they are. If you are not into that, don’t date them.
Don’t date someone trying to change them. You want a boyfriend, not a project.
I have a minimalist room but not at all messy, I like to mine organised and clean as well
No, some of us are adults
No I’m an extremely clean male, and I would just say from experience, you’re much better off being with someone long term who shares commonalities with you. Cleanliness, personality traits etc
I can’t begin to tell you how messy and disorganized some if my ex girlfriends were.
You just need to find someone as **neurotic** as you are about *”I’m VERY particular when it comes to cleanliness. My room is aesthetic and colour coordinated. I make sure I keep upgrading it with fairy lights, my paintings, pretty furniture, polaroids etc.”*
I think most people can be dirty to some extent, i know i always keep my place cleaned as far as dusting or cleaning the floors and doing laundry. I may not be perfect when it comes to making my bed every day, that might be my guilty self on the dirty part lol
Asking him to clean isnt mean. No, not every guy is like that. Some have executive dysfunction, depression & some just dont care.
No. My ex-wife and I got divorced after 17 years for that exact reason, I couldn’t take it anymore, living in a filthy environment. And I could only do so much cleaning on Saturdays my day off. There was poop on the walls from the kids it stunk, it was horrible. You could smell my house into the neighbor’s yard. And somehow I’m the bad guy, the only thing we ever faught about was the filthy house. I was lucky to keep the house but lost everything else, my kids wanted to go with her cuz she lets them do whatever they want. But now I’m going through my house, I can eat without covering a plate up with a plate because of the fly infestation. My house doesn’t stink, I’ve got a floating bed everything’s organized. Yes I’m miserable and alone, but not as miserable as I was with her, and I quit drinking and no longer have anxiety attacks about coming home either.
It’s not every guy thankfully. My bf’s bedroom at his parents place is a little disorganized but it’s clean. His desk is cluttered, but there’s no garbage. I’m the same way as you, I’m a very clean person and cleanliness means a lot to me, but a little disorganization isn’t a deal breaker for me
I think there is also a difference between a room being cluttered and a room being dirty. Clutter can fit in a range, for example: my desk is cluttered mainly because it is multi-purposed for my job, any type of studying/research I do, and any run of the mill paperwork/mail from daily life that I’m actively working on. It can definitely be seen a cluttered but I wouldn’t consider it dirty.
Now if I failed to dust regularly, sweep, mop, vacuum, pick up trash, leave dirty clothes or even clean clothes lying around, leaving dirty dishes, etc. That is what I would consider to be dirty.
Imo, having a tidy space (lived-in-looking is fine) is an indicator of maturity and stability. I wouldn’t date anyone who is fine living in a messy place because that’s exactly the kind of person who would make you be their mommy after moving in together.
No offense but are you a child? Why do you have “rooms” and not homes?
If he’s like me, he doesn’t mind living in his own mess but would behave differently in a shared space with someone, either in a relationship or just a roommate. I don’t care if my space is messy if it’s only affecting me. Now I’m aware that is indicative of a larger issue, but that’s a different story.
Just my personal opinion as a 36 y/o M. A LOT of guys are willing to live like pigs. Idk what it is, but so many of us are, however, it usually follows personality types. It sounds to me like you’re attracted to guys who generally live like this, and if you really want a guy that’s “hygienic” you might have to make sacrifices in your other area of attraction. Idk what kind of guy you are attracted to, but usually the guys I’ve known that are consistently clean/hygienic are either in the military, or are also the ones who have high grades in college/school, are financially responsible (prob have a few thousand in the bank and a couple investments already), usually are pretty demanding cuz they already know what they want/like and how they want/like it, and are usually pretty old-school and chivalrous. I could list more, but I’m in a hurry. This doesn’t encompass all guys that are clean, but just a basic generalization from my experiences. Hope this helps!
Was it dirty or was it messy? There is a difference. Everyone has different organizational standards and priorities. But dirty is just gross and unhygienic
Both of my brothers have appalling bedrooms. They rarely change their bedsheets, never make an effort to vacuum or polish… clean and dirty clothes mixed together, dirty plates and cups on every surface… it’s gross.
Even a guy I recently slept with was the exact same. Just had random rubbish piled high in the corners of his room. Random half unpacked boxes. His bedroom was *so* stale smelling? Plates, cups, glasses…
I feel like it’s a boy thing. It’s really off putting.
Why compromise this soon?
Ask him if he’s depressed.
Personally when I’m depressed my room will be “messy”, but never smelly nor dirty. A room that’s in the category of outright disgusting dumpster level warrants a cut off (imo).
Gross rooms are indeed terrible. But I was very surprised (after 6 years in a tire shop) to find out how absolutely fucking disgusting some people keep their cars. There was a handful of em I turned away because I was sure there was some kind of bio hazard growing in their vehicle. No matter where it is cleaner is better.
Does he have adhd?
Okay, but be truthful. What do you mean when you say ‘it looks like a gutter’?
There’s a huge difference between a cluttered space and an unsanitary/unhygienic space.
I don’t organize my desk because I remember where I put things; the organized mess works for me. This means pens and papers everywhere. At the same time, I try not to let dishes accumulate because I have a tendency to eat at my computer.
Dudes tend to be pretty messy.
Also.. clutter and messy work space/home is associated with higher IQ
I’d suggest you grow up
No not all guys have messy rooms just the Mama’s boys who still haven’t gotten out from under mommy’s control.
Thats not very clutter core of you
A lot of people are messy but the key thing is are they willing to make the effort to keep things tidy when living with a partner?
Some people won’t see the point of tidying up for themselves but will do it for other people. When I lived alone I tended to really make an effort when I was having people over, otherwise the level of tidiness would really vary.
When my husband and I were dating I showed up unannounced once and his room was a complete pigsty – like at least 3 weeks worth of laundry just in a pile in the corner of the room. Candy wrappers on the floor. A half finished bottle of wine. Unmade bed. Etc. I was shocked lol. And I let him know it too. Turns out he would always make an effort to clean up if I was planning to come over with advance notice.
Since moving in together he’s been getting more and more tidy over time. Within a few months the change was really noticeable. Habits take some time to build but as long as someone is willing to make the effort, that’s what matters and I wouldn’t write someone off because you saw their personal living space in a messy state once. It doesn’t always translate to how they’ll be if cohabiting with someone.
Men, boys all are typically messy.
Sounds like buddies dodging a bullet by you leaving… I’m sorry, but this post makes you come off as pretentious and high maintenance
There’s a huge difference between “dirty” and “messy”.
My room frequently becomes messy. But it never becomes dirty.
My house is disorganized, messy, I have more crap than storage. I generally try and have boyfriends that I can visit them.
My viewpoint is, if you are visiting him, you definitely could ask them to tidy around, but maybe see if he can visit you so you don’t have to be part of the chaos.
i have watched a reel before about dating. the woman said pay attention closely to his photos like where he takes his photos at home. if it is messy, he will welcome you with that. that is gonna be part of your life if he becomes your bf or husband. pay attention closely about his lifestyle if he is into gym a lot it means he prefers a gf who also works out a lot,etc.
so since he is messy and that turns you off, do not talk to him anymore. tell him that it won’t work out
You need to keep in mind that people have different levels of organization, and it’s not always a reflection of their capabilities or worth. It could be that ever since they were little they’re family didn’t teach them organizational skills, therefore not holding them accountable. So, for instance, if you’re concerned about their room being cluttered, you might gently ask if they’ve been feeling stressed or busy lately. If they admit that they struggle with keeping things organized, you could offer to help without judgment. Remember, relationships are about understanding and supporting each other, and it’s worth discussing these differences openly rather than making them a reason to break up.
My ex boyfriend was messy too and it concerned me because I think being organized is important in life. However, some people really don’t have the time to themselves because of their demanding life and just resort to their room as their shell, their safe space. So, approach the situation from more of a concerned and wanting to lend a helping hand type energy.
8
NOT all boys have dirty rooms. As a boy/man, I would even consider it a red flag. Your room/apartment/house is an externalization of your mind. If he lives in a dirty place and sees nothing wrong with it, he is not in a healthy place mentally.
My house is minimalistic and uncluttered (unless actively working on something), and I shower twice a day.
Hygienic men do exist.
Your room is aesthetic?
Tbh he deserves a better woman, i hope he tosses u away bc u walking away over some mess just shows how much u value working thing out