To start off, I’m gonna be listing stuff to see if I’m just overthinking things or not. So beware, because this will be hella lengthy. Also, I apologize for any grammatical errors in advance, English is not my first language.
Anyways, I just started college a few days ago. I made a promise to myself that I would crawl out of my shell by making new friends, talking more, and all that jazz. Basically I wanted to appear more extroverted and bubbly compared to my usual quiet and introverted self.
So I did, for only the first day though. I approached a bunch of girls (im a girl too btw if that matters) and we hit it off pretty alright. Until a day later, the friend group started to expand more. Which wasn’t necessarily the problem, the more the merrier, right? The problem was that I had trouble joining in their convos since the others seemed to dominate the conversation. I found it easier to join in when the group was smaller.
Now it’s time to list some stuff so y’all can tell me if I’m just looking into it too much or nah
*One classmate would either forget my name or mistake me for someone else. I know we’ve only known each other for a few days but it’s kinda hurtful, especially since I don’t see him doing that with anyone else.
*Just won’t acknowledge my presence sometimes, like they’d be inviting others to do stuff but not me when I’m right in front of them.
*Made me sit at the very back of the car with other dudes (the back was oven hot, mind you), and when we got off, classmate said “there was space inside, why didn’t you say anything?”
Honestly, these are all the things I can remember. All of these just makes me want to retreat back to my shell, making me revert to my quite self. Okay, I admit that I did go quiet again, since I went out with them today and I barely talked because of my ✨inferiority complex✨
Please give me tips on how I can salvage my “social value” or whatever. I really wanted to start off fresh in college. Also, I’m curious what made me out to be like this since I used to be so energetic and social as a kid (i have 0 trauma btw).
I’m really tired of being called “quiet” or “shy” because I know others perceive such traits as being weak/easy to boss around. I still haven’t found my “safe people” (a.k.a. people I hang around with 90% of the time). So yeah, sorry for the long read.
6 comments
College is supposed to be about self improvement,taking the time to invest in bettering yourself,self love,it will improve and give you self gratitude,raise your self esteem,increase your knowledge beyond belief,and before you realize you will be among a group of friends consider the most elite. Have more joy,and reap lots of rewards. Be patient,work hard,and stay focused for now. Its well worth every bit of the craziness and hassle later.
Maybe you could try talking to other groups? It’s not that these guys are bad, but if you don’t really feel nice with them, don’t force yourself to talk to them. Though, keep contact with them. Just say hi and chat a little. Nothing else, don’t force yourself to go out with them if you don’t feel comfortable.
honestly it just sounds like that group isnt a great fit. some people do better with smaller circles, and thats fine! im one of em lol. just keep surfing around and tryin to talk to some new people til you find a group you really click with and you wont feel that way
None of these things are about people disrespecting you. It’s about you disrespecting yourself. You expect people to treat you better than you treat yourself.
If you believed you shouldn’t be expected to sit in the back, you’d have said something. But you didn’t. But you expected an acquaintance (also young, awkward, and insecure) to make sure you were comfortable.
Other people aren’t going to treat you the way your mom does.
i think it honestly depends on how big of a group were talking about. i find it very rare to come across larger friend groups whom the members are all equally friends. there tends to be smaller relationships within the bigger group; usually the girls tend to be closer with the girls, the guys tend to be closer with the guys, sometimes pairs of “best friends” or trios are involved, couples, etc. that being said though i think it’s a good idea to pursue a smaller more personal friendship first off the the bat. someone who you share interests or a hobby with or someone who’s personality is similar to yours. you’ll probably have a much easier time going out to make friends with 1 or 2 already established friends. when trying to connect with a big group you’ll still feel heard by your personal friends and often times having someone you already know there will give you the confidence you need to be yourself and more outgoing with new people. i feel like this genuinely works even if your only *slightly* closer with the one or two friends as going out to meet people together will usually bring you guys closer together anyways.
that being said if this is a smaller friend group and you just arnt clicking with these people or the vibes just arnt right it’s totally okay and i advise you pursue other people who might be more your style !
honestly I think it’s just us introverts when we try to fake an extrovert personality it just end up hurting us more cuz we overthink alot about our actions and how people react to us. we always think we did something wrong or when ppl are very engaging with us we start thinking if we are too boring or awkward etc. thats the difference between us and extroverts they dont overthink their actions alot or question if they are being annoying or not. well that’s at least me personally. I just never succeeded in trying to fake an extrovert personality when meeting new people. my real personality and quite self always dominates. I just start to accept i will never change lol