We met in high school and now we’re both out of college. He asked me out but I rejected him and I’ve been trying to distance myself from him ever since. But he comments on my social media posts and insta stories. I don’t have to answer him back but I don’t like ghosting people so I respond to his insta messages. Which is a bad idea.
Idk how to break it to him that I feel uncomfortable around him. He would say weird things like “thanks for hanging out with me. Usually people say they’re busy but in reality they’re partying or having sex somewhere else.”
Recently he asked me to go to an event and I didn’t want to so I said no thanks. Then he told me that I’m unconfident to go out.
Not true, I’m building my confidence, I can go to events. Just not with him. That was mean of him to say. I’m an introvert with social anxiety. I’m seeing a therapist to get better. So him saying I’m unconfident actually really hurts me.
16 comments
Just ghost him and block him it’s that easy in the 21st century š
Heās weird and it seems like other people also think that and donāt want to hang with him but he doesnāt see himself as the problem. I donāt think itās worth it to try to explain it to him. I know you donāt like ghosting but you really should just block this dude and avoid him. Try not to take his words to heart, you know that you didnāt go because he makes you uncomfortable and he has to make up some bullshit to make himself feel better
How much does that āunconfidentā comment really mean coming from such a dork? If you donāt think heāll retaliate in some way just block him
If you don’t want to be the guys friend or if he makes you uncomfortable, it’s ok to say so. If you don’t want to talk to him or respond, that is fine too.
He definitely should learn how to rephrase what he said, but also it’s ok to be shy. It’s OK to be not as confident. The thing is that you’re working on it and that is what matters. You’re growing and working on bettering yourself. You’re getting there. That “friend” should probably work on himself before he chooses to give you advice.
Heās a person without a filter. They can be ā¦interesting if anything, but usually some forehead slap ensues.
Thereās two easy bow-outs. Although you are hurt by his words, it could be a wonderful excuse to avoid him if youāre willing. Or confront him on his hurtful words and avoid him after.
You tell them āwe canāt continue being friends: I wish you the best in life, no hard feelings.ā
They will NEVER contact you again especially if you add āI donāt really view you as a friendā
I understand you dont want to hurt his feelings, I am very empathetic and I get the same way with people, but this guy obviously doesnāt care about YOUR feelings so why are you caring about his?
You already said you donāt want to ghost him, but I think thats your best option. I would tell him that hes rude and I dont want to hang out with him anymore then I would block him and ghost him
You don’t owe him anything. Ghosting is fine. It may even be your best option.
If you *really* want to not ghost him, maybe send a short message that tells him that your interactions with him have been making you uncomfortable and you’d prefer if the two of you didn’t talk as much. Maybe even tell him you don’t want to block him, but you will if you continue to be made to feel uncomfortable by him. If he tries to “fix” things and ask for you to engage him in “fixing” things, hold your ground that you are not interested in engaging with him further and will block him if he continues to be demanding of your time and energy. If he keeps going, you have clear and unambiguous standing to block him with no further comment.
“No, I don’t want to hang out. I’m busy partying and having sex somewhere else.”
Ooh I know this behavior! I’m tiny and blond and prefer being polite so apparently I “lead them on” lol by being polite and saying thank you for things? They very quickly pick out those less out going and kinda feed off of that availability and lack of aggression and build themselves up. Then when you tell them know they get wierd and proddy about why you would say that like your a bad friend when you literally don’t want to be their friend. Best thing to do? Be blunt as fuck. Like I stopped playing nice and treated them like the obnoxious teenagers you see in restaurants sometimes. Don’t bother playing nice, just say, “I don’t want to hang out, I don’t like you, and can you stop contacting me??!” They get defensive and whiny and then tend to play pathetic but they’ll give up and keep distance if you just hold firm š or hang out with a friend group that distinctly dislikes the person in question, if you come across them they’ll start associating you with the “bad crowd” and no longer be as eager
There’s no trick.
You do the thing you’re afraid to do. Block him and tell him you don’t want to be friends. That’s how you end this.
Or you move away and tell no one.
Just block him. It may seem cruel but its needed. He’ll find new friends
Did no one teach you in kindergarten: if you don’t like them, don’t play with them. End of.
You know how to get rid of friend.
Put your big girl/boy pants on.
Starts with F and O.
You just want his online backup without actually spending time with him.
So to answer your question: your sending them mixed signals.
See above for solution.
You consume him.
It’s what Alex Mercer would’ve done.
āIām sorry, but I just feel weird talking to you ever since you asked me out. Good luck with your future.ā
I wouldn’t trust this guy to handle the truth well…
Your intuition told you to distance yourself and he confirmed what your intuition was telling you it by putting you down with his “unconfident” comment.
You can break it off clean but if you think that’s harsh you can play the long game.
Every time he asks you out. Just say you don’t feel like it or that you have other commitments, or you’d rather be alone tonight. (Which by the way is not rude to do. I go through periods of times where I just don’t want to/ can’t go out and my friends understand that. And the the ones that don’t aren’t my friends for long. It’s your time and it’s valuable, don’t waste it on people you don’t get much out of. I didn’t learn that until I was a parent)
Respond slower and slower to his texts.
Message things like
“can’t come out this time”
“I’d rather just stay in”
“I will let YOU know when I’m up for it”
I wouldn’t trust him to tell him he hurt your feelings because he seems assumptive and critical from your story.
You are welcome to try to find the right words to explain his awkwardness (I assume he’s pushed everyone else away and doesn’t have anyone willing to be real with him) but he’s potentially sensitive and might make this dramatic. He already criticized you for just not wanting to go out. Who knows what other drama he’ll bring. Because you are in therapy for social anxiety, this may not be a challenge you need right now
You don’t owe him an explanation because your adults and if he is unhappy or lonely he can do the responsible thing and seek therapy and potentially get better through that avenue like you.