Hi. I’m 20f, my bf of 2 years is 23m.
He is my first relationship and the only person I’ve had piv sex with. When we have sex, I tend to prefer missionary (somewhat recently became comfortable with doggy, so we do that sometimes too).
We’ve had sex in a lot of positions. But I don’t really know what to do? Like most of the time I just cover my face because honestly I can tell I have a blank expression. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the sex, I just have a very blank face 😭
But I feel like a “dead fish” (is that the phrase?) in bed. I’ve told my bf this before, and said that I felt like I could be doing more, and he said that I’m not, and that he likes it plenty.
I just don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried kegels, but I don’t think I really understand which muscles to move lol. I can’t move my hips all that much in missionary because he’s heavy. In doggy I arch my back but that’s sort of a given.
I just wish I felt less like dead weight. Any suggestions?
13 comments
I blank face is a hell of a lot better than what some of these women are doing these days.
You don’t have to whack out any crazy moves, enthusiasm goes a long way.
You’re probably doing way more than you think. If he thinks you are
Have you considered watching porn for idea’s? If you are totally against porn I get it just me and my husband watch it together and back when we started having sex, both not knowing what we were doing, got alot of good ideas from it for positions and stuff.
I used to be really nervous to be on top, but then I got used to it and absolutely loved it. That’s one way to contribute. But ultimately, if he’s telling you it’s fine, I’d assume it’s fine.
It sounds like you feel self-conscious and you’re staying in your head during sex. It’s great that your bf is happy, but as long as *you* aren’t feeling good about it, that is what matters!
Would you be open to wearing a blindfold during missionary so you can focus on the sensations of sex? This doesn’t have to be kinky unless you guys want it to be; it truly is just a tool to help you get out of your head.
The art to being better in the bedroom is simple. Learn what you like. Tell your partner what is working or not. Experiment with him. Pay attention to what he likes, and ask questions if it isn’t clear. Rinse and repeat.
It sounds like you are over halfway there, because you effing care. So many people just don’t even try when they get to the bedroom. I think you will be fine.
I wouldn’t stress too much about it, honestly. You two have been together for 2 years, so I’m pretty sure contriving something that isn’t “you” would be noticeable and might make things awkward. Give him the benefit of the doubt and believe him when he says that he likes what you two are doing.
That’s not to say that you can’t spice things up, but just do what you genuinely feel in that moment and keep the lines of communication open. I also find that having these discussions in non-sexual settings are often times more helpful as well.
Relax and enjoy yourself. That’s the expression he wants to see on your face. Your thinking way too much. Let the emotions take over!!
If you’re covering your face and thinking about your blank expression you’re not in the moment. Not saying you don’t enjoy the sex because you clearly state you do. But there’s a level of ecstasy that can occur where all of that stuff isn’t on your mind *at all*.
You’re not performing for anyone. You don’t have to move a certain way to look good or make them feel good. Just do what makes you feel good. See if they like it. Talk. Adjust as necessary.
As far as not moving your hips during missionary because he’s heavy. It’s all about angles. Play around when you’re comfortable. Try to fuck up on his dick while he’s holding still. Just for a little while. It can be fun to be in control while still being underneath them, at least to some people. Then you play with what angles allow you to move more if moving more makes you feel good. Your priority should be pleasure, not performance.
Try stroking his chest, playing with his hair, kissing his neck or touching his nipples.
Essentially you can stimulate his erogenous zones and let him know how much you’re enjoying it with a little dirty talk.
Sounds like you might need to relax a little more. Sex should FEEL good not just be a performance like a porn video. Since he’s your only partner and you’re new too having sex, it’s understandable why you may not feel 100% confident/comfortable. Try not to think so much but instead feel. Imagine him as your personal play toy and experiment to find out what YOU enjoy. Good luck! 🍀
Try touching him while he’s on top. Touch yourself. Play with your nipples. When I first started having sex, I covered my face with my hands also because I was embarrassed about making a funny face. Now I’ve come to realize that everyone makes a funny face when they cum… It’s normal. Just keep trying to relax and get out of your head and you’ll enjoy the sex a hell of a lot more than you do now.. I promise.