So as the title says, I don’t cum. I’ve been on medication for 5+ years and they make it impossible to cum for me… Masterbating, sex.. doesn’t matter it’s incredibly difficult for me to finish.
Don’t get me wrong, sex is still amazing and I’m rock hard for hours if needed.. I usually focus on the girl and get her to cum then I’m satisfied to finish(stop) then.
Now unfortunately this seems to really offend girls to the point previous girls I was in longer relationships would stop having sex with me as they said it was dissapointing for them that I never finish… Made them feel insecure and like I wasn’t attracted to them or they were just bad at sex.
Didn’t seem to matter what I said or how much I reassured them that it was nothing to do with them… I can only assume girls seem to be very hard wired to measure their value on how satisfied the man is?
Im very scientifically minded (two applied science degrees) I often enjoy reading about sexual biology, the science of attraction and breeding, evolution, natural selection etc… And simple observations would imply that the man ejaculating is critical for breeding thus it would be in both sexes selection for the continued survival of the species to prioritise this…. so I’m sure that over thousands (possibly millions) of years it would of been breed in to us a reward mechanism for male ejaculating… (In both sexes perhaps?)
Anyway sidetrack rants and thoughts aside… I wanted to get Reddit’s thoughts, ideally from the female side on this… Does it offend you ? If you were told it’s because of medications would that lesson the blow ?
Could you stay with a guy who never or very rarely finished ? If not why not…
What could I do to improve the situation ?
Also why is it so important when it’s VERY common the other way around… I’m sure plenty of guys can back me up here but I’ve been with plenty of women who tell me (I can’t cum) and don’t even try and they also don’t think it’s a big deal at all …. so why is it not a big deal one way and not the other ?
Thoughts and responses appreciated.
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6 comments
I have the same problem I’ve been on depression medication for years and it affects the orgasm the same way. Girls get offended because they’re used to boys ejaculating every time and if you dont they think that u’r not enjoying the sex. Now in my case it’s not as rare as u but it takes a long time and sometimes i never get there. You have to explain the situation before (if possible) or when it happens just tell them why.
Definitely something to discuss ahead of time with your partner. Since most men do ejaculate every time, girls are pretty programmed to take that as a sign of a “job well done”, if you will. Think of Pavlov’s dog salivating every time the bell has been rung. Girls get that conditioned endorphin rush in the moment. So just really try to impress upon your partner BEFORE the event. And even be honest about your dismay that it seems to be a deal breaker for people.
I’ve been basically free-use long enough to be a low rate finisher. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to convince women that it’s not their problem-they’re always going to be disappointed that they couldn’t finish you even though it’s not even a related to them.
You got the nail on the head as to why-it’s imperative for a man to finish in order for reproduction to occur. It also answers your question on why women that don’t finish seem to find it more acceptable-a woman’s orgasm has nothing to do with reproduction at all.
My fiancee had this problem, and we thought it would be lifelong. It did kinda mess with my head at first, (like first few months),but then my trauma was like, okay maybe we can trust them, and it benefits me because less pressure to make someone reach an orgasm, and just enjoy their body & what they’re doing to me. We can go for a 5-10 minute quicky, and I don’t feel “guilty” that they didn’t cum. Or if we both have the stamina and lube, we go for hours at a time 🤷🏽♀️
Edit: they didn’t tell me before we had sex, it was a couple sessions in when I asked why they haven’t cum yet/ if there was anything I could do, and that’s when they told me, was kind of a slap in the face because I’ve been working towards trying to help them cum. So my advice is to be upfront, before sex-during the likes & dislikes presex conversation. It’s her loss 🤷🏽♀️
I feel like a failure if my man doesn’t cum. But if it’s drug induced and you simply can’t then understanding that would make me feel better.
If you never made her orgasm how do you that would make you feel? Especially long term.
I am a lesbian but I have been in situations similar to yours and with meditation she could not cum and it really did effect my self esteem, it’s sounds silly because it’s a common problem and can be explained by the medication.
It’s strange but for me I wanted to give her that and felt like the intimacy dynamic was different somehow even if was all my own head.