Tips on how to accept im not my bf type?

31 comments

1. Most people don’t have ‘types’- that’s kind of a myth and something that people mature out of once they realize people of all races/sizes/styles can have varying personalities and traits that you look for. You say he’s also not YOUR type, but you’re attracted to him right? So there you go

2. He is not a pokemon that is only effective against a single type. People can like a huge variety of people. Good for him to expand his range!
   However, all the comments about this topic only make you self conscious, just change the subject.

3. You are just his new ‘type’. He dated different looking women before and now he found you. There is no problem. A person might change their taste about many things many times in their life.

4. The fact that your boyfriend is so attracted to you that he ignored his usual “type” should be incredibly flattering to you. He chose a personality type instead of just a physical one, which is a far more lasting basis for a relationship.

   I did this with my spouse decades ago, and now she is my every type.

5. Give him credit that he’s not a robot but instead a fully nuanced human being with the ability to have multiple preferences and accept that women are not cookiecutter types?

6. People can absolutely fall for someone who isn’t their usual “type”, it happens constantly. It happened to me and she remains the person I miss most of all.

7. As long as HE is not bringing it up, I see no problem! If he loves you and makes you feel appreciated, hold your head up high and feel honored that you were special enough to change his mind! He no longer has a type, because you’re it! If someone brings it up, laugh it off and change the subject.

8. >He makes me feel loved and appreciated and beautiful but i still have a hard time shaking that he doesn’t find me attractive.

   If he makes you feel beautiful, why do you think he doesn’t find you attractive and why are you so worried about his type? He is with you, been with you for 7 months, his “type” is irrelevant and you still thinking he doesn’t find you attractive sounds like a YOU problem not his. If you can’t move past this, break up with this man and leave him alone

9. Girl, you are shortchanging (and objectifying) yourself and your man. You’re not a “type,” and he’s not a robot.

   Let’s assume you’re Asian and his friends said something like, “So you stopped dating Latina women.” Who cares? The friends sound dumb. Trust that if he’s with you, he’s where he wants to be.

10. Do not let yourself fall into this irrational thought trap. Humans are nuanced and complicated. We are capable of loving all sorts of people. It’s not a finite resource.

    This isn’t about his type. It’s about how you perceive your own value as a person. You need to dig into WHY you feel this way, you need to figure out why you feel what you feel beyond the surface level.

    Start with asking yourself this: why can’t you accept that he’s with you because he wants to be? Keep asking yourself questions based on the answers you get until you hit what feels like truth. Whatever that answer is, that’s what you need to work on.

11. In this case, having a “type” means nothing except that he used to date different people in the past.
    Did he tell you he wasn’t attracted to you, or made you feel like he wasn’t? If not, then there is nothing to worry about, how you look/what race you are is just a small part of what makes you attractive.

    Sit down with your bf and be open about how you feel. If he says he doesn’t find you beautiful, then move on and find somebody who does. But don’t spoil a good relationship because of this <3

12. You guys are young so maybe what he thought his type was has evolved. Have you asked him about this? I know plenty of people who thought they only liked pale emo guys and then get older and want a smart man with dark skin… preferences change!

13. At no point have you said that he’s *actually said* that to you.

    Therefore, you are literally the mastermind of your own hellscape. This is all in your head. It’s stuff you’ve interpreted from what other people have said – and you have literally no idea what their motivations or biases are.

    Just talk to your bf and straighten it out.

14. Well, usually when people say they have a “type” that means there’s a particular look that will catch their eye more than others, right? I personally have a “type” that I find very attractive. I have literally never dated anyone who fell into that type. I have dated all sorts of men but not one fell 100% into that “type”. It did not affect my attraction or love for my partners. So having a type doesn’t really mean that’s the only sort of person someone can be attracted to.

15. Beauty comes in all races. He must find you attractive if you’re together.

16. if it helps, this probably he means he find you more attractive than most people because he stepped out of his type when gaining interest in you!

17. For one, types can have a large range. Sure, if you want to get super specific, you (and he) may not meet that perfect built-in-a-lab type, but that doesn’t mean you’re NOT his type. Secondly, you’re both 19. It is way too early to say anyone has a set type. You simply don’t have the adult dating history to make that claim in a reliable way.

    My perfect type would be some tatted up latina/asian hipster who is a great singer. That is not my wife, who is a white chick – granted with tats – and definitely doesn’t have a hipster style nor can she sing. I’m not really her perfect type either. Most the women I’ve dated weren’t my specific type. We’re both very happy with who we’re with. It is what it is.

18. You don’t have to be his usual type for him to find you beautiful and attractive. If I only dated my type, I honestly wouldn’t have dated any of the guys I’ve been with. But I’ve had some beautiful relationships. And yes, I thought the guys were attractive still.

    Don’t get in your own head about this. I’m positive he loves a lot of things about you, including how you look.

19. I’m not my boyfriends ideal “type”. I know he likes thicker women and when I started dating him, I was like 25lbs underweight. Only recently has it gone up. He’s in LOVE with my new body. But he also loved my old body a lot. I didn’t have big boobs or a big butt. He still loved my body and me as a person and made it clear. He is my type, but before him I was still attracted to people that weren’t. A type isn’t only one body type and that’s all he likes. And it doesn’t mean you don’t have his full admiration because you aren’t his type either.

20. Well the fact that this situation means he loves you for who you are and not what you are is a good mindset to have

21. If he’s with you and genuine, loving, and supportive, you are his type.

22. He makes you feel loved and appreciated and beautiful — I need to know what more you could ask! He’s seeing all of you, not just a generic example of a “type.” You should be so pleased that you were the person who had what he is truly looking for.

23. Do you find yourself attractive? Do you find yourself beautiful, interesting, or otherwise amazing? Do you *like* who you are?

    You say your boyfriend treats you well and makes you feel good. He seems to be confident in his choice and, regardless of what he might have chosen in the past or what his friends think he might have chosen, he’s choosing you!

    So, I wonder if the problem here is less about him or his type and more about your own self-confidence. I bet if you asked your boyfriend he could write a long list all the things he loves about you – do you think you could make a list of the same length for yourself?

    Unless you are normally a very confident person, and spending time with him or his friends is making you feel insecure. In which case he’s the wrong type for you.

24. Guess what? “Types” change. Usually based on experience/exposure. And being his “type” would make you feel any better anyway! Then you’d just stress about him only being with you for fitting his “type” and not really for you.

25. He didn’t stay with any of the women who are “his type”. So maybe his type is incompatible. If he’s with you then he finds you attractive. I haven’t met a guy who isn’t attracted to his girlfriend.

    Not looking like all the girls he’s broken up with could be a good thing.

26. My dad isn’t my mom’s type, my bf isn’t my type, I used to not be his type, but we’re both slowly becoming each other’s types because we love each other.

    It’s not a big deal to not be your partners type, as long as you love each other and make each other feel cherished and happy, who cares?

    You’re probably becoming his type too the longer you’re together too. What is a type other than features about people that we enjoy? We aren’t born with an attraction to specific things, the attraction grows and changes, so why can’t his type change to match you?

27. Apparently, you are his type.

28. A “type” isn’t real. Normal people fall in love when they have a special connection. You’re 19, don’t worry about that high school love stuff. Real world relationships are completely different than that.

29. He’s 19. Type changes as we grow and mature. He likes all of you. Accept that he’s growing and figuring this life out, just like you are 😊

30. Having a type is pretty weird imo, sorry not sorry.

31. >He makes me feel loved and appreciated and beautiful but i still have a hard time shaking that he doesn’t find me attractive.

    WTF are you talking about then? This makes no sense.