For men after a failed relationship, how were you able to find someone amazing afterwards?

49 comments

1. I just kept meeting other women after my divorce and casaully dating and then once in a while a really cool person comes along and you just connect super easily, it’s a really cool feeling honestly. I had one that lasted almost a year that started about 2 years after my divorce

2. The first thing is to stop evaluating yourself based on your relationship status.

   Work on you. Focus on you. Be the best you that you can be. The relationship opportunities will present themselves.

3. I went to a social event for a hobby and overheard her telling someone that she needed help with something related to the hobby. I offered to help her. We started working on the hobby together as friends and over time realized how much we liked being together and now we’re in a long-term relationship.

4. Just keep swimming

5. By having incredibly high standards and waiting for the perfect one.

6. Be picky. I know the reasons I got with my ex wife, and I know the reasons in ended in divorce. I date with intent now….I want to be with someone forever, but I don’t want to be with just anyone along for the ride. It could definitely take some time to find the right person, but I’d rather be single for a while than go through another divorce in 5 or 10 years. There are a *lot* of single people out there…figure out your deal-breakers, figure out what you can live with, and go from there. I am in my second LTR post-divorce, and I’m realizing that I was *too* picky with the first one. Ask yourself, “can I live with this person for the rest of my life?” without making any major personal sacrifices.

7. By learning from the failure. What I want more of, what I won’t tolerate, where I could compromise more, what I could do better, what I did well. I became a better person each time and looked for a better person each time.

8. Idk the past few girls I’ve talked to have usually ended in a toxic manner. I’m probably the problem, and I should probably work on myself, but fuck it gets lonely out there.

9. Divorced when I was 42. Floated around dating and FWBs for a few years. Decided even FWB wasn’t worth it, decided to just go my own way, and soon after met the amazing woman that became my wife (at 48). I definitely wasn’t looking, but she knew what she wanted and how to get it. 5 years later and still crazy for each other.

10. Who’s to say they did find one?

11. Got out of a terrible relationship, several months later I met my wife and the love of my life. At the time I was living in Korea for work, I was taking a train to Seoul and asked her in broken Korean if I was on the right train platform. She laughed at me and in perfect English told me 1) my Korea is terrible 2) she speaks English and 3) I was in fact on the correct platform. We ended up in a coffee shop talking for hours and it felt like seconds. With few exceptions I have hung out where her pretty much every day since.

12. (Woman here)

    – don’t stick your dick in crazy
    – get yourself right

13. Stayed single for a couple of years and grieved the relationship properly which included honest assessments of what went wrong, what I did to contribute to our issues, and what attracted me to someone who I was ultimately incompatible with.

    I met my GF at the climbing gym. We were friends first, including during a period where neither of us was emotionally available to date. At some point we were both ready to date and both really came around to each other.

    It’s still early but we’re very happy together and I can already see that, at least in certain respects, she and I started with a better connection than my ex and I ever had.

    I hope my ex is doing well and I have no ill feelings but in retrospect it’s easy to see that some parts of our relationship were not built on truly open and honest foundations.

14. Apps. Surprisingly, it worked. In relationship for really long time and I’m middle age so missed the whole app thing. Tried it out, took maybe a month, then met some nice people including an amazingly smart, successful, beautiful woman, way out of my league.

15. After I had been divorced about four years I was the best man at my friends wedding and my future wife was a friend of the bride. 23 years of marriage. FYI- my friends marriage only lasted a couple years.

16. By not looking for someone amazing

17. I worked on myself. Gave myself some well needed alone time to work on all spectrums. Law of attraction. There’s no timeframe on healing. Once it happens, someone who fits you will come

18. Bumble! I dated a girl for more than a year, she was abusive, cheated on me, all of it.

    A few months after we broke up I went on a bumble date. Now we’re Married.

19. I just focused on being genuine, living in the moment and meeting girls without expectations to outcomes.

20. The failed relationship teaches you both to be a better partner and what you need in a partner. Armed with that knowledge, dust yourself off and try again.

21. i just let things play out. my best friend was throwing a party at his house and i showed up. My friend had a thing for this one girl. so she showed up with my current girlfriend (my girlfriend was the DD).

    my girlfriend was quiet and i offered her a water. she declined, she didn’t say much, about a month later she gets my snapchat from my bestfriend and we’ve been two peas in a pod since.

    i just got lucky i guess lol.

22. Got uno reverse-carded and realized i was friend-zoning a perfect girl. Furthermore realized that a mere She’s All That style self improvement arc would change her from a girl I couldn’t see to a girl I couldn’t stop ripping the clothes off of.

23. Just kept asking women out until I found “the one.”

24. I’ll let you know when it happens.

25. Play the long game.

    I’ve been involved men’s groups for over 20 years. Something I keep seeing is guys who would come to the group after a relationship breakdown. Usually they were a train wreck, everything was finally bad enough for them to finally make changes in their lives.

    Then I would see them 5 or 10 years later. They had put in the work and they were in a new relationship with a woman who, back when they started the work, thry thought “she’s out of my league”

    Want a better relationship, put in the work.

26. Still fucking lonely and all girls I’ve dated turn out a scam. But I’m happy being alone and having a fuck buddy by now. I think the idea of happy ever after is, due to today’s society structure, no longer compatible with normal people. May be the rich can.

27. Not, the amount of suitable amazing partners who are compatible with me is lower than the chance of winning the lottery 3 times in a row.

28. By investing in myself.

29. I wasn’t.

30. Luck. Plain old dumb luck.

    We were both running late to the same conference and were at the registration desk at the same time. We got talking about being in trouble for being late.

    There was immediate palpable chemistry and since we’d missed most of the opening session, I asked her if she’d like to join me for a coffee.

    That lead to us hooking up on the last night of the conference, which extended into a weekend together. 15 years later we’re still together and that chemistry is still there.

31. After my divorce I took a few years to get comfy by myself before dating again. I am dating again now and it’s great. My new girlfriend loves that I have read a lot of self help type books, and that I know myself well and can communicate and all that is because I took the time and space to work on myself after my divorce

32. I’ve been through a bad breakup 1.5 years ago and… I feel that I’ve lived something that will definitely make me a better person, I’ve learned a lot about me and past shit that still affect me today.

    What I’m trying to say is this will inevitably lead me to have a better relationship next! Maybe this is what you are referring to.

    Relationship ends. Learn why. New and better relationship next!

33. I was just myself, knew my worth and before you know it, boom! New relationship 4 months later with a much improved person.

34. Your relationship didn’t work for a reason. Keep the good memories, the lessons learned, and lay the rest of it to rest?

    There are plenty of awesome people in this world. The qualities that drew me to relationships in the past, others will have them, possibly more. Some won’t. You have to try and maintain a positive attitude towards dating and finding what you’re looking for.

35. I wasn’t expecting it, I was committed to healing myself and learning how to be happy alone

    Like 3 months later, I met my future wife, and went after her

    Oddly enough, one of the the first places I went to as a single man was the beach. My future wife happened to be there that day, but we didn’t know each other or see each other yet.

36. I spent two years alone and in therapy. When I started dating again I specifically didn’t want a relationship, just some fun and hookups.

    The third hookup and I just clicked immediately. I fell in love with her that night and those feelings have only gotten stronger over the last 1.5 years.

    I was married to a woman that berated, gaslit, and manipulated me for seven years. I had to set some boundaries when this relationship started because she was going through a rough time, but it’s been wonderful ever since.

37. I didn’t. There was one or two possibilities that went nowhere: one because of me, the other because of her. The one I possibly missed, I just missed the signs of her interest. The other, that’s a longer story.

    She was a waitress at the club I frequented while I was in the military, so we knew each other for a couple of years before our first, and only, date. She knew that I was subject to frequent and unannounced deployments because of the unit to which I was assigned. The date went well. We were both looking forward to our next date. I was suddenly deployed. When I returned, she was no longer interested in continuing. She had thought that she could handle my sudden disappearances, but when it happened, she found out that she couldn’t. I fully understood her position and didn’t pursue her further.

    FYI, the divorce rate in my unit was very high. I was fully aware of this fact at the time. So I couldn’t fault any woman who was uncomfortable with this stress level while dating. She remained at her job, and I continued to frequent the place. We just continued as if the date had never happened. But, occasionally, I do wonder what would have happened if we could have continued. This was about 40 years ago.

38. Had an engagement fall apart. I spent some time alone, then started dating casually and had fun. Then I realized I was ready to be serious again, and the first girl I met ended up becoming my wife.

39. Stumbled into it. Almost literally as I was quite the drinker at the time. I’d probably be dead, but would for sure be worse off, if I hadn’t.

40. Ex kicked me out of the house that was my child hood home and moved her ex and worst enemy into the house a week later. (More like a night)

    I moved back in with my parents and worked on myself a lot. Did a lot of research about human nature, got a private shaolin martial arts instructor, went on a solo vacation.

    When I got I courted about 6 different women, had casual sex with most of them and then eventually found my partner I’m with now.

    I just kept casually dating until the girl I liked the most asked me to be exclusive after three months.

41. What? Are you asking how you meet people? Because the way you find someone is by meeting people

42. I started working out, eating healthy, started dressing nicer, picked up a few hobbies, and then dated a bit knowing that I’m the prize and I’ll never let anyone treat me like I’m not ever again. Even got a few tattoos (one to remind myself I don’t need anyone, if I’m with someone it’s because I want to be). Now I’m engaged to a cute, blonde doctor, and will be married next month.

    And just for funsies, I still see my ex sometimes because she’s the cousin of my friend, and she’s furious. She’s been trying to get her doctorate for 5 years and keeps failing, she’s jealous because of all the changes I’ve made (i was talking to a mutual female friend and i got daggers), and because the last time I saw her, her current bf *picked her mf-ing nose right in front of me!!!* 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Like I genuinely feel sorry for her, but it’s also REALLY funny.

43. Broke up 3 years ago. Fully over her 2 years ago. Talked to 2 girls didn’t work out. This new one is different. Started talking to her a few months ago. It’s getting serious.

    But it takes time to heal. It’s important that you’re happy with yourself before you’re happy with someone else. Build yourself physically by working out. Financially by working and maybe learning a trade. And mentally. Just have fun

44. Haven’t gotten to the “new relationship” point yet.

    Was married for a short time and we got divorced. It was for the better and we’re still pretty good friends. They moved on, for there someone, transitioned, and seems to be happy. And I’m happy for them because why not.

    Me? I’m pushing through school, making sure I do what I can for our daughter, and even looking to buy a house. I want to have my own, have my degree, and on my career path before I get back out there. Until then, got to stay focused because it is what is better for me to function.

45. 3 years and counting. Dating has been a shitshow for me in the last year so I just said fuck and it and focus on anything but women

46. I’d known her the whole time but didn’t realise it. We’d met at school age 11 and turns out we’ve both had the hots for each other ever since we were teenagers. Neither of us dared make that first move because of that horrible worry as a teenager that you’d lose someone if they say no to more.

    Fast forward a couple of decades and we’re both out of… ‘sub optimal’ marriages.

    We had a catch up for the first time in a while and things were different. Free of that teenage angst and both single, both knowing what we want in life. It was clear we mutually wanted more, so after some passionate making out, we had a really intense chat about everything that could possibly get in the way. Kids, money, location, family, etc etc etc.

    Just got engaged.

47. Got lucky, I think

48. Keep trying

49. I was stuck in an on/off relationship which was quite a rollercoaster.

    Wasn’t in the best emotional state but tindered anyway. The second date was so gorgeous I’ve deleted Tinder and we are almost 7 years together now.