Does it annoy anyone else on how unforgiving people are?

11 comments

1. This is a loaded question. I have lots of references, there is some tribe in Africa that gathers around people that commit crimes and reminds them of all the good things they’ve done throughout their life. Like, they just kill them with kindness, it’s apparently very effective. The forgiveness there becomes almost instantaneous? Like it’s literally part of their criminal justice system.

   My best example is myself. I was a horrible, horrible person, I made all manner of homophobic, racist, misogynistic jokes, stuff that would make Donald Trump look like mother Teresa. Nowadays, I’m exactly 180° The opposite of that, but it took years to make it happen. Decades, even.

   It’s easy to talk about forgiving and forgetting. But I always liked the quote from Grosse Pointe Blank, when Janine garofalo- I mean, Minnie Driver- says forget about forgive and just move on.

   People change, but they do it very slowly. Forgiveness doesn’t come instantly, it takes time and effort. You seem to have struck a chord with me, and I’m rambling a little bit, but I have to say the best thing that ever happened to me was when I forgave myself. Only then could other people begin forgiving me, because it was only then that they saw I was doing things differently, that I felt differently, and the words that I used, the words that I chose to use, were different as well.

   True forgiveness has to be earned.

2. I completely agree! It’s crucial to prioritize the well-being of others over seeking revenge or harboring hate.

3. [deleted]

4. And it’s not even just doing something bad. I’ve noticed that if you don’t immediately click when talking to someone then it will be much harder to befriend them later.

5. No, it doesn’t bother me how unforgiving people are, but I clearly see the concept of forgiveness very differently than you do.

   I exercise my freedom to decide that people who have done bad things do not need to be a part of my life. Call it a boundary. There’s no need for me to hate or wreak vengeance. It’s weird you’ve linked hate/vengeance to not forgiving.

   Those individuals have the freedom be hurt, address their physical and mental safety issues, heal, and change. They can do all of that without me. Again, it’s weird you’ve linked their needs to my forgiveness or continued involvement in their lives.

   Yep, I’ve given up on them. Maybe one of the other 8 billion people in the world will meet these people, newly healed and changed, and not need to experience anything that requires forgiveness.

6. This is a weird question, and it might be better if you provided examples. Forgiveness is a gift freely offered; no one is owed forgiveness from anyone they’ve wronged. I also don’t understand how forgiving wrongdoers guarantees their victims “physical and mental safety”, so yeah, specific examples would’ve helped here.

7. I think they are bad at forgiving themselves too.

8. No, because that’s their choice and decision that we have to accept. Do we control others? No, and they can only accept us too, if they don’t you will have to decide how you lead yourself.

   The second you try to control someone’s actions the more frustrated you will be like this, and at the end of the day this frustration is only harming your well-being in your body. We can all try to be kinder and a better friend to ourselves.

   Edit: It’s a skill we all can practice at any moment that we can get better at with time.

9. that depends on the context and what was done.

10. Yes, I get annoyed by those who make countless mistakes, and you forgive them out of love, but they are the ones who hold grudges for the stupidest things. Those who harbor animosity towards you are waiting for the key moment they can act like complete ass***es when you make a minor mistake. Sadly, these people have always secretly had an issue with you. They are either envious or they have a problem with your persona. These are friendemies! Be careful. They are everywhere, and they are those who masquerade as your ‘true’ friends until they turn on you for nothing!

11. Yes, it does. A lot