I’m not sure if I’m the only one in the world with this issue, but I’m going to put it out there in hopes of a solution. I (23F) have been having sex for 8 years. I have always enjoyed it. I am married, and my husband and I have tried numerous things including sex toys, to get me to orgasm. For the last 8 years I’ve tried sooo hard; clearing my head, getting super relaxed, trusting my partner, getting drunk, using toys, masturbation, etc. and nothing works. My issue is not “overthinking it”. I know what I like, and how to get there, but once I am super close, my body almost shuts down.
Here’s how it feels:
My head- please keep going, this is great, etc
My body- you need to stop NOW. This is violating and you feel sick!!! We are being raped! What is happening to your body right now is horrible and you need to stop right this second or you’ll die
I know it sounds extreme, but I feel disgusted and violated. I don’t know how. else. to. put. it.
I should add I’ve been raped twice, both in high school. At the time, I was shamed by friends of my rapist, and I started dating the other one after. It took me time to come to the conclusion of what actually happened. They didn’t stop when I told them to.
Aside from those experiences, I’ve ALWAYS had an issue orgasming. I thought I was too young at first, but over time and trial of new things, I’ve decided something is wrong with me.
I completely trust my husband, and have no mental blocks during sex. Am I the only one with this physical issue???
2 comments
> have no mental blocks during sex
if that were true, you wouldn’t be posting here. it sounds like your body is having a physical trauma response in an attempt to protect you, even if you trust your husband. it sounds like sex therapy might be helpful
With a ton of compassion, this is one you should definitely talk over with a therapist.
I was waiting the whole post for you to mention sexual trauma, because this is a pretty classic response. You didn’t mention childhood sexual trauma, but I wonder if there was a molstation incident as a kid before you were much aware of anything about sex that led to orgasm, because that is a thing that brings on that typical “my body betrayed me” kind of response. (Even something like innocent pre-pubescent “humping stuff” style masturbation where you were punished or shamed, etc.)
Honestly,. you can trust your husband all you want. It’s your BODY that doesn’t trust the process. There are lots of therapy types (EMDR, somatic therapy, etc.) that can help with trauma responses trapped in the body.
Wishing you all the best!