I’ve known this girl for almost two months now and I have some issues regarding this aspect of her, which I’ve discovered only very recently. I’m still trying to figure out what specifically bothers me about it.
I am quite sad that this thing bothers me because apart from that I really like her. She’s one of the most emphatic, sensitive, funny, clever and deep people I’ve ever met, all qualities that I really admire and find fundamental in a person.
I’ve noticed that she’s very insecure in general and she has told me that I’m the first person she is being fully herself with, which led her to ask me what I think about astrology, spirituality and stuff. She said she does not talk about this stuff and other stuff we’ve talked about normally because she fears being judged and has a lot of difficulty in opening up. I told her what I think about it (I believe it’s nonsense), in a very calm, emphatic and respectful way. That led her to crying a lot because she kind of perceived it as if I was implying that she’s not good enough. She is quite aware of it though and has told me that this has nothing to do with me but with her, which I really admire. We can talk a lot in depth about these kinds of things.
But the whole thing, considering also that she’s doing some kind of “spiritual psychotherapy” and would like to become one, made me ask myself some questions. To be honest, I don’t think I could sincerely support this thing, and since I’m not interested in dating someone for a short term relationship or whatever, I think this might be a problem, because me myself would not want to be in a relationship in which I’m not supported by my partner, whatever their reasons may be. She has told me that since I don’t believe in it she would leave this astrology thing apart in our relationship, without any problems. And yeah I’m ok with that but the issues I have with it are much deeper than just being annoyed by it. I’m afraid she could buy some other pseudoscientific stuff which could potentially lead to even doing some harm (natural remedies over medication etc) and I have the right reasons to suspect so. And frankly the therapy part also offsets me a lot because people study for years to help people with psychotherapy and stuff and this kind of thing is… I don’t know, it doesn’t give me good vibes.
Sincerely I’m really sad about all of this, because apart from this aspect I really like her. I’m afraid this is a big part of her personality though and I believe it’s something that kind of helped her during her difficult development as a child and then teenager. I think it’s because of that that she feels a strong emotional attachment to it. And it kind of feels weird because if I wouldn’t take this into consideration she is a very logical and rational thinker.
What should I do? Should I just stop dating her? Should I explain my reasons? I suspect I would do more harm than good, and I seriously don’t want to, because she’s one of the more emphatic and nice people I’ve ever met. I’m really really sad.
TL;DR My date wants to become a “spiritual therapist” and I’m not sure I could sincerely support it. I am having a rough time deciding what to do because I really like her without considering this aspect.
4 comments
If it’s under 3 months. Just call it.
Do not explain your reasons beyond that you’re not seeing a future with her. She’s a great person, but you know by now that she’s not your person. Better to be honest about that sooner rather than later.
No reason to attack her core values on your way out the door. It’s not a debate or negotiation about the relationship, or about astrology. If she tries to make it one, block her.
It would be a deal breaker for me but I’m non-religious and can’t stand woo woo nonsense. Often such things go hand and hand with conspiracy theories, cults, or scams. I know I wouldn’t respect their line of work or beliefs so it wouldn’t be a good idea to try being in a relationship with them. I also wouldn’t want them to ever make medical decisions for me.
If you end things you don’t really need to explain that kind of why to them. Something generic is fine. Especially if you haven’t been dating that long.
Yeah it sucks, she seems sweet and nice but that alone doesn’t make someone a good partner long term. You’ve discovered a big incompatibility, be grateful it’s early and just call it. Nevermind the fact that if you want kids she will want to teach this to them as well.
🤣i think you should keep it very casual. FWB. No way can you do a serious relationship with someone this ignorant and dumb