I (29M) am going back to college to pursue a second degree. Originally, I attended medical school and decided I didn’t want to practice / left in my 4th year. Now I’m back in school for IT which, in hindsight, I should’ve done in the first place.
Which brings me to my issue: I don’t exactly meet anyone my age. Even if I did, no one my age wants to date someone without a career, their own house, and a high income stream. Even if they did, I’m on the spectrum / am socially awkward and don’t do well at the bar scene, nor is that where I’d like to meet girls. I’ve gone on dates with girls that don’t have similar interests and it never works out anyway.
So this is pretty much the only place I’m going to meet girls again before my new career in a couple years. It feels weird, but is it wrong for me to at least be PERCEPTIVE if I could meet someone who has a similar personality / more mature? Or am I just doomed to die alone, despite trying to change my life for the better?
tl;dr 29y/o M going back to college, not sure if it’s appropriate to at least be open to meeting someone while here
8 comments
It’s not appropriate at all. Period.
I find it weird that you’re 29 and would consider dating a teenager
The unwritten rule is always 1/2 your age plus 7. So 21-22 is as young as you should date. But even then the maturity and experience gaps in someone that young is huge. Why would you want that?
> no one my age wants to date someone without a career, their own house, and a high income stream
You are incredibly wrong, my guy.
There are plenty of 25+ year olds in college. The majority may be younger, but the dating pool ain’t dry.
Being on the spectrum also doesn’t change anything. Dating too young is just asking for trouble. Stick to at LEAST 22+.
It’s weird that you think the only students on a college campus would be 9-10 years younger than you. It’s also weird that you think teenagers would be an appropriate partner.
Not to mention it’s strange that you think most people in your age group would expect you to have a home, career, etc. when first time homebuyers are, on average, 33 and when many people are still students in their late twenties once you factor in graduate school or otherwise not well-established in their career.
Most people in their mid-to-late twenties would be perfectly fine dating a student who is serious about his studies and likely to earn income post-graduation.
You’re 29. There are a bunch of people between 22-29 that it would be appropriate for you to date, many of whom are on college campuses (either because they are a year behind due to things like study abroad, are attending grad school, stuck around in their college town after college, are non-traditional students like yourself, served in the military first, are on their second career, etc.).
You also have the option of online dating (which is much more appropriate than hitting on your classmates anyway). Presumably you live somewhere where there are townies or other people who are not teens.
A ten year age gap is wildly problematic. A 4-5 year gap, on the other hand, is perfectly appropriate given your current age.
It’s really bizarre that you’re aiming to date traditional freshman and sophomores in college when literally everyone beyond that is likely an option for you.
I would STRONGLY encourage you to at least only consider dating folks who are out of their teens. Other than that, here are some questions to ask yourself if you do decide to date someone much younger than you:
– People will judge you. At least some people, probably quite a few people, will think that you are predatory and that your relationship is icky. Is that something that you are prepared to handle without complaint? Is it something your partner is okay with?
– Do you want to get to know their friends? Do you want to spend time in their world? You’ve got years of habit and preferences you’ve developed as an adult. They’ll just be finding theirs. Are you prepared to be along for that ride?
– Do you want them to be a part of your world? Do you want them to meet your friends? Your family?
– Are you eager to support their studies, career, and ambitions, even if it means potentially adjusting your plans to better fit theirs?
– Are you supportive of them spending time with friends without you, and/or on hobbies that don’t include you? (This should be true in any relationship, but it’s something to be extra aware of in one with an age gap.) Are you supportive of them having a more typical college experience if that’s what they want (parties, late night diner trips, spring break, maybe experimenting with substances) or do you only want to date someone who wants to live more like a 29-year-old?
– A LOT of the time, “maturity” in younger people is actually trauma. People who experienced abuse, neglect, or other dangerous situations as children often seem mature for their age, since they had to “grow up” (read: learn to present as more grown up) fast. Are you prepared to find out that your girlfriend is dealing with ghosts from her past? Could you be a supportive partner to someone with PTSD, for instance?
It’s not the numeric difference that is the problem. If you were 40 and your prospects were between 30 and 50, I would say there was no issue.
No, what’s wrong is that you have finished maturing, both mentally and physically, but the…girls you are thinking of _have not finished growing up_. Even if you went on a date, you would find her infuriatingly immature. And if you think that’s okay, that would reflect poorly on you.
Don’t go there.
>doomed to die alone
You’re being overdramatic and kind of self pitying. That’s going to put way more people off than being in school.
I don’t think you should consider teenagers and those in their early twenties as potential dating partners. If you meet someone 25+ have at it.
But the idea you are forced to date a teenager or otherwise *die alone*is so ridiculous that it’s making me side eye you anyway. Try some hobbies to meet friends. There’s probably IT groups on meetup where you live.