As it states, I, female 32, and my best friend, female 34, have been close for over 20 years. Recently, she started dating this guy who for all intents and purposes…is/was(?) a really cool guy. Not too long into dating she moved in and it seemed to be going really well. She has a habit of immediately leeching herself to his phone to see if he’s potentially cheating on her or entertaining any one else. She has always had issues with her security and recently disclosed she’s always felt in competition with me. This blew my mind because I never viewed our relationship to be a competition. Well, she called me and told me she found his “spank bank” and in there were photos of me he took off my social media accounts. Nothing crazy just head shots since I don’t post like ever and if I do it’s never anything to write home about. My issue is…she tells me this and says she can’t blame him because she’s always felt like she “loses” to me and in a weird way almost sounded annoyed WITH ME. She admitted that he told her that he is mildly obsessed with me and feels terrible and will do his best to get rid of his feelings. Well now I don’t go over and spend time with him and her and it’s really putting a strain on our friendship. I don’t even know how to handle this because it is always in the back of my mind and I feel very uncomfortable, but don’t know how to bring this up to her or if I even should? I know she won’t leave him and she has forgiven him, but I haven’t, and now I’m looking at her differently. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
6 comments
OP, your friend is creating a self fulfilling prophecy. She chooses shitty guys who she *knows* she can’t trust and invades their privacy to prove herself correct. This random guy is “mildly obsessed with you,” has taken photos off your social media to jerk to and she tells you because…? It sure as shit wasn’t to protect you because she forgave this guy immediately. Nothing good can come of your friendship. Her self esteem is in the pits and she wants this creep to “choose” her over you so she can get some type of validation from that.
You *should* look at her differently. She’s an insecure person willing to burn her life down for some fleeting attention from men who aren’t worth a shit.
Can you make plans with her separately? Meet up for coffee or hit up the farmers market on a Saturday morning? Go to a movie on a Tuesday night?
She sounds like Single White Female territory. You should swap her for him.
At least one part of the issue is her feeling the need to compete with you. It’s a maturity issue. A true friend will support and root for you, even when you’re doing better than them. Your friendship (from her side) is unhealthy. I’d reevaluate the friendship. This can turn toxic quick unfortunately and even impact your mental health.
Ild cut the wackjob off. Why would you even want to be friends with a psycho like her?
Tell the bf what shes doing so he can run and block her ass on everything
There is no winning in this one. You will lose her. Also that guy is a creep you would think he would have the decency to not jerk off to pics of her friends.