First off,
We have a kid. But I sometimes feel we’re not sexually compatible. When we have sex, we don’t foreplay, we kinda just say “yea let’s have sex” there’s no kissing, grabbing, nothing that’s exciting. Which I wish it was more that way… so much.
Well it’s been a month since we’ve had sex. He hasn’t tried and well, neither have I but idk. I just honestly don’t have any desire, maybe that’s how he is. But the sex is kind of boring so maybe that’s another reason I don’t try, maybe he feels the same.
I do love him. Do sexually incompatible people work? Can it be fixed?
22 comments
Communication will always make sex better.
Talk to your husband.
I mean my wife and I went 4-5 months without sex and we have a baby. We’re super open about that we need to have more romance in our lives and get back into having sex, but we understand either we’re too tired or busy. I wouldn’t sweat it.
Sex therapy, adult game cards that give ideas, blind folds, tie ups, books, lingerie, communication.
>I just honestly don’t have any desire
Maybe he knows this and it puts him Off trying? Men have testosterone, so at his age majority of men need to release daily (I say Majority because there are exceptions).
If he’s not having sex with you, he’s releasing with Porn, this can help take the load off you if this is ad-hoc, but if it’s too often, he can develop an addiction that will surely impact your sex life.
What could help you? ROUTINE
This is what I do with my wife of 22 years (26y together)
Every Thursdays, my wife and I have our fun night, and every week there must be a new component brought in. Games, Toys, new positions, night at the hotel, sex outdoors…
Each week we alternate who organises the location and the “new component”, so it’s a complete surprise to the other.
Not speaking for all guys but I have times where I have no want or desire for sex. It usually doesn’t last long. Talk to him about anything new he wants to try or that you want to try. Spice it up
I have had issues keeping a good sex life with my current partner (together 4 years, recently engaged). The only thing that has helped is both of us being as open and honest as possible.
I typically cannot just “get in the mood”. I have to “prepare” myself throughout the day by focusing my thoughts on something naughty. We’ve been having “date nights” where we get out of the house and do something different than our day-to-day, and that change of scenery certainly helps with the excitement.
Once you find what works and what’s missing (for both of you), doing the work gets a lot easier.
No, sexually incompatible partners doesn’t work long term. You can just go along, but it will cause all sort of trouble which is not worth it.
Idk I feel like this is something you gotta talk to him about. You can “schedule it” and do things beforehand that will put you more in the mood. Go on a date, go pick out toys to use together, talk about different things you’d like to try, have a drink, whatever it is.
Who’s to say it can’t get better. Sounds like you two have not even talked about it. Since you have a kid you owe it to her to have the absolute best relationship you can with her father.
Communication, sex therapy, masterbation, toys. Maybe solo play to see what you’re interested in and want and bring it back to the bedroom.
Reduce porn or watch it together if you’re interested in it.
Think about how big this part of the relationship is for you.
If you aren’t compatible and it’s a big part of what you want and you can’t come up with solutions then think about whether you really are compatible.
Talk to him ask why you guys don’t have sex and why no foreplay
It doesn’t work long term. I was married 25 years to a woman who had no interest in me sexually. I then met someone sexually compatible and my life has never been better. I never imagined how much better things could be.
The sex sounds atrocious, I wouldn’t want to do that either.
No kissing, touching NO FOREPLAY? Sounds like he’s just using your vagina to masturbate into.
Explore the “pineapple” part of your user name…?
When you have a kid, both parents have a shift in their hormones that causes a low libido, so they are able to handle the newborn. The human body is amazing. Huberman goes over thus but I do not remember which episode
Communicate to your husband and honestly in my opinion that’s that bad as far as how long it’s been life gets busy sometimes or partners might be dealing with something
6 months after moving in with my girlfriend and we are in the same situation. Shit is rough
Yeah can be fixed. Communicate with him. Make date nights, go on trips. Get a babysitter and do things together. Try things out with eachother sexually. It can come back if both are willing. I am married almost 29 years. We had our ups and downs. Work it out. Remember communication is key.
This happened to me, I love him very much but wasn’t in love with him. I had to break up with him but you guys have a kid so much more complicate.
Do you want/desire other people? You are still incredibly young. Would you see yourself being happy like this the rest of life? If not, maybe consider 1. open relationship (if you want other people) 2. coparenting.
In my experience, this only gets worse over time, and could probably lead to cheating.
In a new relationship part of the fun is figuring sex out together. If you don’t then it can often lead to frustration in future. Sexual compatibility, and openness about it, is crucial. It’s not usual for a mid 20s man with a new girlfriend to not want it regularly so you are right to be asking questions.
Tell him what u want
Tell him what you need in order to get off