My (38F) Boyfriend (48M) Only Wants My Money

TL,DR: My ( F38) boyfriend (48M) has done nothing but try to extricate money and business favors for me. He’s gone as far as getting violent and punching things whenever he doesn’t get what he wants. He also has an obsession with his ex-girlfriend who became somewhat of a billionaire after she dumped him. The last straw was him forcefully attention a birthday party for one of my friends after I specifically told him that he wasn’t invited.

I’m a business owner and have a very financially stable situation. My business has grown exceptionally, to the point that I had to create two new divisions to effectively run it. This is important to the story.

My ( 38F) boyfriend Bruce (48M)of 14 months and I had what I thought would be a relationship that would lead to marriage.

I’ve been noticing things since last year (specifically the Holidays). He’s not mentally present in the moment and he’s developed a voracious need for fame and power. He knows that I’m successful but never have I ever said anything about how much I make or anything to make him uncomfortable. I personally hate people who are power hungry and we’ve had issues because of it. I’m very low key and love my privacy.

The news about our new divisions is public knowledge as it was announced for marketing. After that, he’s been insisting on getting me to help him start and build a company, which is not my goal right now. I’m seeking to make some changes so that I can have more time for myself. I haven’t had a lazy weekend in years and I’m looking forward to it. Also, Bruce is in no way, shape, or form the type to persist at anything. He starts things that he never completes and I don’t want to waste time. So basically, he’s pushing for an instant solution to reach his dreams and I’m uncomfortable and have told him. I told him that the fastest way to lose me is to attempt to force into doing something I’m not comfortable with.
This has strained our relationship. He has insisted that I introduce him to people and is eager to meet some of my contacts who are in positions of power. This worries me. I would hate for anyone to come at me for “spousal” favors, and I need to protect my reputation. Some of these people are simply my friends and I’ve never asked them for anything.

One month ago, Bruce lost his temper. His rage wasn’t directed at me but at his ex, Nessa ( f50). He got home, and started raising his voice as he told me how his ex is making “billions” after dumping him. I didn’t know that she ended things. What followed was him getting a red rash.all.over and getting high blood pressure. I stayed with him because he was sick, but as he got better, he started with the subject of his ex. To appease his anger, I told him that the fact that Nessa’s company makes billions doesn’t mean that she’s a billionaire so he pulled documents he found off the internet, calculating her profits, etc. I was very put off because he spent money buying a report about her company and I don’t see this as constructive.

I had to listen to his triggered rants. He questioned my place in his life after I maintained that I won’t pay for his new endeavor nor will I get involved. He already knows that I have no desire to start a business in an industry that I only know as a hobby and that I don’t really know anything about. And I’m not gonna purchase a company “for him”, since that’s essentially what he wants. I know I’m gonna end up stuck with an unwanted business.

I looked his ex up in the internet and she seems like an okay person. She’s also married to someone who seems to be very influential where they live and yes, she owns a huge company. So that leaves me feeling that he only cares about whatever potential for business he can get out of me. I told him how I feel and he completely denied it.

Last weekend, my ex-boss and friend, Tim ( M50) had a birthday. I was invited along with 5 other ex coworkers. I don’t know if I was paranoid but I didn’t allow Bruce to be my plus one. I went by myself, despite Tim having told me it was okay to bring my boyfriend.

I did everything in the book to keep this from happening. Still, Bruce called me a few hours later, said he was nearby and wanted to join me. Tim has a few drinks on him and overheard me saying no and he said “ahhhh, fuck it. Let him come over!”. I appreciate Tim’s intentions but….
Bruce walked in, and told everyone that I wasn’t letting him be a part of the celebration. Everyone laughed like it was a genuine joke, which seems to have encouraged him. I was angry because he didn’t respect my wishes and left immediately after dessert.

Tim called me the next day. I put off answering because I was embarrassed. I thought he was calling to ask what was wrong and why I left early. He actually called to warn me that Bruce was pitching a business “idea” behind my back while I was in the restroom and quickly shut up when I returned. This set alarms for Tim and he just wanted to make sure that I knew about this. I apologize but Tim said it was okay. He said that he was under the impression that Bruce was professionally immature and some type of a social climber because of the way he conducted himself.

I’m embarrassed and angry. I’m going to break up with him but have no experience dealing with rage and fits. He has a shit ton of stuff at my place that I’m packing up to send over the mail. I haven’t even told him my decision but don’t know if doing so BEFORE sending out his stuff would backfire or if having a break up conversation may make things worse.

Can someone please advise me on dealing with triggered men or triggered soon to be ex boyfriends? The way he gets red and starts punching stuff is both ridiculous and alarming.