I (37 m) have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 sons. My wife gets back at the same issue over and over again every single month without exception and I am so tired of it.

I love my sons a lot, and the older one (close to 6) is very dependent on me emotionally. If he does not see me around for a few days (grandparent visits etc.), he starts asking his mother when I will be showing up or when they will be returning back to our home. The younger one is not aware of anything just yet since he is only 2.

I do not have social media. Deleted everything 5 years ago and since then I have not used anything. My day is consumed by work and when I am off from work, I spend the day going somewhere with my family. We always go out when I am not working. This has not changed since we were married. She did not tell me once that I might need a rest and maybe we could spend the day at home for a change.

She is a physiotherapist and since I am providing for the family and it has been more than enough, I never asked her to work. I think taking care of the children is more than enough of a responsibility. And our children are a bit naughty compared to the other children around us. They always do something you tell them not to do, they constantly do not listen to instructions, etc. Sometimes we end up shouting at them just to get their attention because they simply ignore what we tell them and do whatever they want to do.

My wife is constantly angry about something. She is always angry at the children, she is always angry at me. Whatever I do is always ignored, and whatever I do not do is always mentioned by her.

Every single month she repeats these things over and over again until we have a huge fight ending up nowhere.

Yesterday morning we entered the same cycle and I immediately understood where we would end up. Things she told me:

1- I never take her out (this is very difficult with 2 kids, and we are living far away from our parents, so do not have the option to leave the kids to them. We always go out as a family and we constantly go out at least twice a week)

2- I don’t take the family on vacations (we went to two different countries this summer for a total of 1 month, we just came back 2 weeks ago).

3- I never listen to her (I always do but since most of the time she is showing me something on social media, I generally am not interested in such things so I look uninterested, and I told her multiple times that I don’t want to see some random people doing stupid things)

4- I get angry very quickly (I never get angry and I am known for my calmness by my friends and colleagues but when we have a fight with her, she does not listen and talks nonsense without listening, I tend to increase my volume just to make her understand something).

5- She finally told me to speak with my lawyer and she wants to have a divorce. And she again repeated this morning that she wants to separate.

Her family lives abroad, and I told her the kids are not going a thousand miles away from their father and I despise that country because of some cultural and demographical matters.

She again started shouting that she wants to work and she did not come to this world to clean, cook, and look after the kids for a lifetime. And also that she is sick of being careful when we spend money. Meaning she wants to spend whatever she wants without checking or asking me. She has so many premium brand shoes and designer bags, you cannot even believe it.

The discussion ended because I was late for work, and I told her that we would discuss it tonight to finalize things and choose the best for our children.

IF I choose, I am 100% sure that I will put some sense into her and we will continue as if nothing happened. But as I said, I am again 100% sure that it will be repeated in September sometime and she will explode.

Unfortunately, my wife’s mother has the same problem, and she started taking medication for anger and panic-attack issues. She tried to commit suicide out of nowhere twice. They barely stopped her from jumping out of the balcony twice, There are 5 years in between each incident.

I had told my wife before we got married that I did not want to marry somebody so angry, because she had her anger at the time, and she had promised me that she would be careful and would work on it and she would be better. I should have ended everything there, shouldn’t I?

I cannot think of living without seeing my sons and going to a home where they are not present. This is my main problem right now and I do not see a way to fix this problem.

Is there anybody out there that had similar issues? How did you deal with it?

2 comments

  1. So she’s a stay-at-home mom to a toddler and a preschooler. You work to provide for the family, which is great, but do you do anything around the house when you’re home, or is she expected to do all of the childcare, housekeeping, cooking, etc. without any breaks or days off? I ask because she sounds burned out and she also sounds frustrated because you are steadfastly not listening to her.

    She tries to show you the videos because she wants to share that with you. You shut her down and tell her that you aren’t interested in what she wants to share. She wants you to take her on dates. You refuse and bring the kids along every time. She says she wants to work and be more than just a servant and nanny; you minimize and invalidate her desire to do this by boiling it down to just the money, when in fact what she’s demanding is equality.

    The “always” and “never” statements in your OP are embellishments, because no one always or never does, says, or feels anything. But your contempt and disrespect for your wife’s needs and feelings are palpable. Worse, she’s literally telling you exactly what she needs and how she feels and you’re dismissing it as some irrational monthly blow up she has for no reason at all.

    It sounds like she’s doing everything and living as if she’s already single anyway. Maybe she’s begun to realize that you have no intention of continuing to date and court your wife but have taken it upon yourself to look down on her in some kind of paternal role. Maybe she knows that the only way she’ll get a break from the 24/7/365 grind of being a SAHM with a husband who doesn’t contribute to the household tasks and parenting is by divorcing you, because while it will sting to not have her children with her all of the time, at least you’ll be forced to start pitching in when they’re with you and she can finally breathe.

    I would be very interested to hear her side of things because it sounds like she’s in that last desperate phase of Walkaway Wife Syndrome just before she makes the final decision to walk away. She’s telling you what’s going to happen. Can you hear her and react appropriately, or are you just interested in being right and showing her that she’s wrong? The latter mindset will lead you to divorce and frankly, she deserves better.

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