While out with a friend, he told me that his wife’s best friend is attracted to me. Not being one to shy away from open windows—especially since there seems to be fewer and fewer of them each season—I told him I’d talk with her.
I had an IG invitation from her before I even got home that night. We had a fun chat with chemistry—something that wasn’t there when we were around each other at my buddy’s cookouts.
Turns out she’d just broke it off with her on again, off again, shiftless, layabout BF a few weeks before (who is also at cookouts). So, despite the great banter, I did not pursue. The next week I told my friend that I didn’t go for it because she’ll likely be back with her guy by week’s end. Which came true.
I haven’t been invited over since (3 months)—just able to hang out together other places and for shorter times.
The friend group is good because it will lead to dating opportunities—which is why I’m posting this here (and online dating is garbage). I just wasn’t willing to sell my soul for 15 minute of rebound, so I feel like I did nothing wrong.
I don’t really care that this woman got back with her BF, and I’m certainly not uncomfortable interacting with either of them since nothing went anywhere. I’m just not really sure how to signal that without making the whole thing an awkward conversation.
7 comments
Curve her as hard as you can don’t let some broad break up the friend group.
I mean it may mean that she is uncomfortable that she was rejected by you. The friends wife may also not like you because she was probably using you to try and get her off this unstable relationship.
Unfair of her and completely manipulative, but it is what it is.
You can ask your friend about it though and see if you can gain any insight but aside from that nothing more to be done really. What are you going to do? Argue to be their friend again?
Learn to be comfortable with “awkward” conversations. There’s nothing awkward about what you did. Talk to your friend. Stand proud and firm on why you did what you did. If those women come at you, stand firm. I promise you they’ll respect you for not bending the knee and groveling to them
Ask the male friend out for drinks or some other social activity. If he declines, you are probably excommunicado. If he accepts, let him know that you miss hanging out with the group and it feels like you have done something wrong, ask for feedback. If he says something to the effect of his wife or her friend thinks it will be awkward, try to assure him (who will go to bat for you with his wife) that you are an adult, and you have no hard feelings toward the friends wife. Similarly, she can feel comfortable hanging out with you because for you it’s not a big deal, and it can be handled like it never happened.
Note, there may be other stuff at play. For example, if the wife’s friend told her BF about you, he may have given her an ultimatum that she can’t be around you again. That would lead to you getting cut out of the circle, not him. Either way, your male friend can play Switzerland for a minute, and at least tell you where you stand.
Your buddies wife was trying to use you to help her friend, completely throwing your needs and emotions under the bus, extremely disrespectful. Her bestie was also very likely just wanting to use you to make her bf jealous In the meantime of their current break.
The fact she is punishing you by not inviting you to cookouts anymore is also extremely immature.
Unfortunately this happens a lot more than you think, you deserve better op.
women are trash
This sounds like Florida. I don’t know why, but something inside me is screaming “Florida man and woman”
Why didn’t you just shag her?