TLDR; BF of 4 months has a very small penis but never mentioned this to me before getting intimate and seeing it for myself. Instead, he decided to pretend he had a big one.
I’m seeking advice on how to deal with this situation to let him know that I didn’t appreciate being confronted with that in the moment. The key piece to this situation was that he actually mislead me to think he was “big” For example, we had a few intimate phone calls where he would…talk about what he would do to me and his big size to try to seduce me and so on.
And I want to make it clear that i don’t value him less as a person because of this, but I was just genuinely shocked and surprised in the moment because it is small to the point that we had to make serious adjustments (I think, with the help of the internet, that it is a micro penis). After everything, he never said anything and never even acknowledged the disparity between what he told me about his penis vs what it actually is. I did my best to act unfazed.
How can I approach him about this? I don’t want him to get upset, but at the same time I don’t think this was fair to me. I just couldn’t bring myself to talk about it in the moment that we were actually intimate.
Edit: another reason which might be helpful as to why I felt specifically mislead, was that literally to the point of actually seeing his penis he told me that he wasn’t able to ‘get it up’ since he was nervous, and that’s why I wasn’t “feeling it properly” through his pants. But that wasn’t true, as much as I understand his nerves. Just what’s the point of doing this (lying) when we’re already in the moment?
19 comments
I think what he did was pretty bad and you are right to be concerned. In that scenario, omission is one thing if he was deeply embarrassed but to proactively mislead you shows it may be tricky to really trust him on other stuff.
if you are still very fond of him, and the dick size itself is something you think you can live with, then I think you need a big chat to explain to him why he was so far off the mark. You need to judge from his response if he really gets it and shows appropriate remorse.
Good luck!
Maybe he doesn’t think it’s small. Maybe he actually thinks it’s a good size so he doesn’t feel like he’s lying to you or mislead you. Idk but bring it up will be awkward no matter how or when it’s done. The big question you have to ask is, is this a deal breaker?
Your relationship is over.
The fact that he lied about having a big one, though understandable why he did it, isn’t exactly honest, nor a good way to start out a relationship. Certainly is not fair to you. If you feel that it will be a signifiant barrier in your sex life/relationship, then maybe consider cutting your losses with him.
If the issue is just the lying, then that’s gonna be a tricky one. Like depending on how insecure he is about it, it could legitimately mess him up for awhile (not trying to scare you or anything, I’m just saying that it could be a very delicate matter).
One thing I will say is that if you do decide to break up with him, DO NOT mention his penis at all. I cannot stress that enough.
Don’t bring it up, if you don’t want to be with him because of this then that’s your perogative but find another excuse that won’t shatter his confidence.
Okay it’s uncool to lie about it. Let’s be real tho. You were more excited when hearing about a big dick. So in the terms of getting you interested or aroused the lie would do the trick. Hey my dick is small but I can do other things is not as exciting and it is hard for most guys to talk about that confidently.
If the relationship is otherwise great and the sex too. I see no reason to discuss this too much you will just kill his sex drive or confidence.
If you are not okay with the size the sex or the relationship then you can leave but for god do not say it’s about the size .. that would be mean
I have a small-average penis and some women have called it big… it makes me feel weird because I definitely know it isn’t lol. But maybe it’s like that?
You don’t.
There’s small and there’s micro-penis. This is a medical term which you can Google for more explanation. Normal sex is not possible with a micro-penis. As OP said they had to make serious adjustments.
OP was certainly lied to in a big way but this isn’t the main issue. The main issue is whether sex with a guy with a micro-penis is satisfactory for her. If not, they are not sexually compatible and should break up.
OP, you’re not a bad person if you decide to leave. Sexual satisfaction is an important part of a relationship and you should not stay just to spare his feelings.
Imo he’s really insecure about his penis to the point where he lied about it. So if you want to approach him about this, you should communicate to him on two things at least: that you dont want him to lie about it, and that he should be confident about what he has.
But, obviously before that, youll need to think for yourself. Are you actually okay with his penis? If you arent, I dont see a point in even having the conversation, after all he cant do anything about his dick.
I’ve never had a girl disclose to me “my boobs aren’t as big as this VS push up bra makes them appear” prior to getting that shirt off.
The dishonesty is much weirder to me than the anatomy- how did he think he was going to be able to keep up that pretence indefinitely? Would’ve been infinitely more constructive and mature of him to give you a levelheaded heads-up before getting intimate- I’ve had that done for me before sex before. A micro man can be awesome and can have head game and mouth game for days, but maybe this dude sank all his skill points into being deceptive.
I could understand if the guy didn’t disclose that he was small. However, to misrepresent himself completely is a different matter completely. I’m going to assume that this scenario won’t be the relationship killer. The phrase “it’s easier to seek forgiveness than to ask permission” didn’t come about randomly.
The ultimate factor now moving forward is whether the sexual encounters you have had with this man were good or not. If not good, can it be improved upon by making changes you can live with. If not, then you know there isn’t sexual compatibility and that will be the ultimate relationship killer. OTOH, if you had a good time with him sexually – even if it’s not the best but “good enough” – then maybe the relationship can survive and thrive.
Putting aside the issue of his anatomy (which he has zero control over), *this man actively lied to you.* At best, this is an immature and childish way of dealing with a challenging situation. At worst, it suggests he will be comfortable lying about other issues. How can you trust someone who thinks nothing of actively misleading you?
You need to emphasize that you understand his anatomy is outside of his control. But the way that he processes his emotions and shares important information with you is well within his control! And he is doing a terrible job.
If his size doesn’t work for you physically, that is unfortunate because it will reinforce the fears that led him to lie in the first place. Even so, it’s not your job to protect his feelings! You have done plenty of that already!
It’s OK to leave due to the lying AND the anatomy, just please emphasize to him that you see these as two separate issues, and that the lying (which was his choice) has serious implications for your future.
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He lied because he was afraid if you knew the truth you would leave him. So he decided to take that option away from you. And hoped that by the time you saw the truth, you would be too invested to leave, so you would just accept something you didn’t like.
People do this all the time. And when someone keeps the truth from me so they can trick me into staying, I just leave. Because you don’t respect me.
I think he has a lot of shame and embarrassment around his genitals, which is why he misled you. I don’t approve of what he did, but I understand it.
Moving forward, you need to evaluate the strengths and limitations of the relationship. Outside of the bedroom and this one prevarication, is he honest, accountable, and respectful? In other words, is he a keeper?
The other half of this — the sex — could be the deal breaker. Is he committed to YOUR pleasure? Oral, manual, toys, and whatever else it takes to satisfy you? Further, are you going to remain satisfied with his size? Some women find that a smaller size, together with positioning, can actually be more satisfying.
If the answer to either of these questions is “no” or “not really”, then I urge you to let him down gently and move on.
It’s refreshing to hear that if he’d been honest it wouldn’t have made much difference. He shouldn’t have acted that he was different than he is. We guys, no matter our size are very insecure when it comes to what a woman will think of us, but lying about it, we’ll it’s just daft cause if intimacy is on the cards your gonna get caught out plain and simple. How you approach this is upto you. You need to decide if this is something you can work with in terms if sexual satisfaction. You can always try make it work with different positions, but you do have the upper hand in the argument when it comes to him lying about it. Hope it all works out for you. Good luck to you both
Break up go get ramned with a big one . U still proceeded when his pants came off.