My (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I, were talking about how I felt more comfortable in a female only gym rather than the traditional mixed gym, since I felt safer and more concentrated in woman only environment.
I asked him if he wouldn’t rather be in a male only gym (they don’t really exist in my area it was a hypothetical question) he told me he could never do that. Since he felt inspired and he worked out harder by looking at woman at the gym, seeing them make him more compelled to impress woman at the gym and work harder.
Needless to say im hurt and confused. He clarified he gets fit for me, yet i dont know what? Have anyone been through this? Do men actually do this when working out..
I don’t know how to get over it or how to talk about it…
TLDR; boyfriend told me he liked mixed gym since seeing woman working out inspires him to workout harder and better.. how do i proceed through this?
21 comments
Translation: “I like looking at asses in the gym”
Some things you think and shouldn’t say
Personally I wouldn’t check girls out while im in s relationship, but I will never want a male only gym
If this is the only thing I guess he is just tactless, but if there are other red flags maybe this is one too
How long have you guys been dating? While I won’t deny I‘ve heard this before, guys who actually like their partner would have more respect than this.
Could be benign and he’s just a young guy who doesn’t think about what he says ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Ask him how he would feel if you said that when you go to the gym, you try to get noticed by other guys and you want to impress them.
I understand what he means, but he didn’t convey it well. I would have said, “It’s a different environment when women are there. I feel pressure to get in shape, so it makes me push.”
Things you don’t say to your significant other for $700, Alex.
20 year old me would have been so pissed off if my boyfriend said that. 40 year old me understands that people say dumb stuff. It probably never occurred to him that it would upset you.
If he were actually creeping at the gym, he probably wouldn’t have made that comment.
Pretty much 90% of what men do is because of women. Please try to not make it something that hurts you, because I guarantee you he is not trying to hurt you in the slightest
I think this is just the nature of men. Especially at that age. He should have kept it to himself though.
Realistically, whether we want to admit it or not, almost everything a man does in life is to impress women.
I wouldn’t be hurt or confused by it if my partner said this, but I *would* probably laugh at him for being enough of a doofus to say that shit out loud. It sounds pretty normal but also like a “sometimes we keep thoughts in our heads and don’t need to say them out loud” thought.
If it’s really bothering you, sure, talk to him about it and let him know you’re still thinking about it and bothered by it. That’s better than quietly stewing about it.
But it would be a good idea to have some idea of what you want from him to help you feel better before you open that conversation, and I’m not sure what that would be. Presumably you don’t want him to stop going to the gym. Do you want more reassurance from him? Do you want him to just actually think about how you feel and apologize for the thoughtless remark? Do you want something else?
I think that he is dumb for saying something like that.
I think from a purely objective standpoint it’s normal to notice attractive people, but to say that to your partner is super out of touch and disrespectful.
You need to learn how to deal with a hurt ego by addressing this with yourself, because your ego is the problem here. You cannot expect other to behave in a way that your ego is protected from being bruised.
Just gonna say that this guy is just a 21m and doesn’t know how to filter his thoughts correctly.
I say ignore the comments from men and women with no self respect babying him and talk to him about it.
(also you’re not being egoistic, pretty sure he’d feel the same way if the roles were reversed, the comment section would be a different story too)
he has foot in mouth syndrome wow
Lol. If you guys do end up talking about this, the conversation should not be about him checking out women at the gym; it should be about thinking before you speak.
that’s kind of wild to say, i’d be hurt too 😭
and you can tell him that is why women go to women only gyms.
I guess you have to think about if you want honesty or if you want your partner to lie. I personally think it’s a lot better when you and your partner can be open and honest with each other. It’s human nature to look at others. You can either live in denial about your partner doing it or just treat it like it’s not that big of a deal. At the end of the day it’s about them choosing to be with you and you choosing to be with them.