Husband wants me to look like tiktok gym girls??
I will start this off by mentioning I do have a quite a bit of body dystrophia, very high and lows to my self esteem. I do try to see the best in myself and do sell content to not only keep myself content with my body. That..and I have a higher sex drive than my husband. I have a higher need of sexual attention that he cannot give so he allows my online content base with fans that I have clear boundaries with. That being said, about 3 weeks ago I had come to find that my husband had been fallowing over 100 tiktok accounts of girls (that looked nothing like me) in gym clothing or some even less than that.. it had become im his entire fyp. I was very upset and uncomfortable seeing he had fallowed some of tiktok account then onto Instagram. I didn’t take it very lightly as we have always had problems with different sex drives and sometimes occasional moments of ED. I look it to heart in that he isn’t the type to give me as much attention as I’d like yet was fallowing and liking a ton of these videos at one time. Really, it just made me feel undesirable, like I wasn’t his type and maybe because he no longer found me attractive was the reasoning of his slowed sex drive and intimacy with me. When I had confronted him he apologized, removed all the accounts leaving only me and friends on his profile, he promised that it was practically his porn Stash and he used it to get off when we had problems with his ED in the past. He didn’t want me to feel like I was competing with anyone so he removed it all. I debated if I was being a hypocrite considering what I did on the side but realized that a boundary I place with the men I talk to his that there are no pictures of them that I ask for or will accept, if so they are blocked. I make clear boundaries to have my husband the only man I will be fully committed and have my full attention therefore I took this as a threat- there had been some accounts that were borderline about cars and the girls half naked that he messaged looking for casual conversation which.. I look as a threat in that I knew why he was on the account and although I talk to men everything I do has been with his full permission as he hasn’t been able to give me the attention I needed—all to which he agreed and understood during the confrontation. It’s now been 3 weeks and he’s been giving me compliments, more attention and has been touchy too.. that being said and he took me to the mall today, he bought me a lot of athletic wear which I do like and his style leans that way as well but I had noticed that the clothes he had suggested were all clothing styles the majority of the girls in his tiktok videos had worn.. which I tried to shake off as it’s a style that’s just popular but there had hit a point I. The day where he mentioned he liked when my leggings had scrunched into my butt.. then fallowed it up with now we have to get to the gym with your new clothes so we can get your butt round.. then quickly fallowed it up with uh your butts already round but it will be more round.. I hadn’t said anything taking in his words for a moment until the moment left. Hours later, he mentioned again that we need to hit the gym and the long night ended in..him getting a blowjob and I.. wanted my own time and scrolled through Reddit hoping to find something to get off to only to see every girl that popped up remind me of him, the whole situation and wondering. does he just want me to look like the girls on his tiktok? Is he not attracted to me? should I even entertain this? Now, I’m more insecure than ever, and I don’t know if I want to step into a gym with him watching other girls in front of me..let alone I now don’t feel as comfortable in my own skin if my own partner doesn’t like now I look..I already have anxiety going to the gym but this just made it a whole lot worse.
Sorry this was all over the place I’m just overthinking and can’t keep my mind from spinning lmk if I need to clarify on anything-I’m sure things are missing 😵💫
4 comments
It’s okay to work out and be healthy and look better and feel better for yourself it’s not about looking like a tiktok girl
It is a bit uncomfortable that he was following these accounts and he is specifically trying to get you to dress like them, but I do think going to the gym is a good idea. Going to the gym a few times a week together is going to boost both of your moods and most likely improve your sex life as well. You’re both going to be feeling better about yourselves because exercise will improve your overall well being immensely. It’s also something fun to do. Let’s be honest men will obviously notice a woman in the gym who looks great, but so do we. At least I do. It doesn’t mean anything. I think it’s a good idea to just make this a fun thing together a few times a week. My boyfriend and I started going together this year and It really improved our moods, our sex life, our health. It can’t hurt that’s for sure!
Am I following this correctly:
You market yourself (only fans or something similar?) because your husband can’t keep up with you sexually.
Your husband follows other girls online, which hurts your feelings.
He got you new clothes which you liked, but it reminds you of what other girls wear that he maybe remembers seeing online?
There’s a lot here to digest. I am sorry to hear about your situation with your husband. I am a fitness coach and body dysmorphia is something a lot of my clients have dealt with. I can understand where you are coming from in terms of trying to please your partner as it is natural for anyone to want their significant other to find them “sexy”. Most importantly you need to be in the gym for yourself.
I’d love to help you sculpt a physique that gives you so much confidence you’ll never have to doubt yourself again.
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