Hi y’all, so I got divorced this year in February.
I realize I’m pretty young and this may not be very out of the ordinary but it’s kind of how I felt before I ever got married. I just don’t know/think I’m designed to be with someone.
I’ve never been a relationship person but I’ve always really liked the idea of romance, love, commitment. It’s all very flowery and pretty and makes me feel warm inside but when I think about it in relation to myself I just think… Maybe it’s not for me.
I worked tirelessly in my marriage to be treated like disposable garbage and abused the entire time.
I always see people in successful and happily loving relationships and think how sweet it is but then I think about myself and I just can’t picture it. Idk why, I have always felt so out of place when I’m with someone.
Even when I was married, I thought about how weird it was that I was even with someone in such a way.
At this point… Now that I’m divorced, I don’t know if my thinking on the matter has changed. In fact, I think it’s been reinforced that maybe I’m not meant to be with someone.
I don’t stand by the thinking that everyone has someone. I think some of us really were meant to be alone and that it’s ok. Idk, I know it’s unorthodox but I can’t imagine someone really being my person.
I feel like the only reason I love the idea of romance is because it’s been force fed down my throat and everyone else’s since we were little by society and unless you’re in a happily committed relationship with a beautiful family and good career then you’re unsuccessful and didn’t make it in life.
Can someone maybe help me understand why I feel this way or?
Tl;Dr: Recently divorced woman who doesn’t think that I’m meant to be in a romantic relationship
2 comments
I think everyone is different, and not everyone wants to have a relationship – and that’s perfectly fine.
My concern here is that you’ve been through a lot of trauma, and this may be clouding your feelings about things.
I’d say give yourself more time and don’t put any labels on yourself. You don’t need to decide now to be single forever or not.
And if you haven’t, have some therapy to help you recover from what happened to you.
This is completely reasonable, only reason society says it’s not is because a lot of our first exposure about relationships comes from fictional media and not actual people
Plus ideals pushed by mfs way past their expiration date who come from a time where not having a girlfriend meant you were a commie or something
We learn more about this stuff as we grow, and ideals and standards change over time
Being asexual or aromantic (or both or neither and just not wanting a relationship) is more common than you think.
It’s a recent development and part of being an adult is learning and unlearning things about yourself, so if you can’t put a label to it right now, that’s fine.
But there are people out there like you, sorry that all this happened to you, but you’re not alone.
Good luck!