I am embarrassed to be asking this. But I believe this is a safe space.
So I’ve been a virgin since this year. But I had sex twice with my now ex boyfriend in Feb. It was a painful experience. He penetrated from behind. Dog style. It did not feel good the whole time. But I dealt with the pain. I’m wondering why now that I lost my virginity, it still hurts trying to put things in. I feel the stretch, chicken out, and don’t go through with it 😣
I think it may be psychological. My last experiences were painful and I don’t want to feel that again so I tense up by reflex. I have another boyfriend now and I trust him. But I still can’t get my body to relax when he tries to penetrate me.
Any advice for me? I’d love to hear your suggestions. No judgement please. And please no sexual harassment!
3 comments
This might be a mild to moderate case of [vaginismus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus) and you should consider seeing a sexual health counsellor about it.
i had this same exact problem for several months when i became sexually active. the only thing that changed it was that my boyfriend fucked me on my period, where there was a lotttt of lubrication and it just easily slid in, regardless of how uncomfortable i was. but, another thing is that i am very comfortable with my boyfriend and thats a big thing. work your way up to sex through foreplay instead of going straight to sex. and i mean over a period of time. get comfortable with each other sexually and eventually you will probably want to have sex with him, and your body will align as well.
You are pretty much right about how the memories if a past bad experience will make it more likely that it becomes bad the next time as well. Which means that it is pretty damn important that you get a better experience. With someone else or with some kind of toy that you think you want to have in there – it’s probably better to do it alone because there is absolutely no pressure to succeed, or how fast to succeed.
And as someone else pointed out to you, you may want to look around a bit in /r/vaginismus and find out if what they describe there could be something you have a spiff of. I say a spiff of for the simple reason that vaginismus often presents itself as not at all being possible to have someone in, and you have had someone in…so you are starting at a better point than many others, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now.
Anyway. My spontaneous suggestion to you is that you figure out how your body works with the help of a toy, and once you have some confidence in your body and it’s ability, see if you can try your newfound ability with someone who actually behaves as if he is grateful that you are around…