(30M) wife (30F) so my wife and I have two toddlers and since we had kids she always tells me she is touched out when I try to be intimate with her. Of course I understand where she is coming from, I work all day and she is home with the kids but it’s just so depressing feeling unwanted by your significant other. So I guess what I’m asking is when do we bounce back so to speak I miss the intimacy me and my wide had.
4 comments
Common problem with kiddos, so you’re not alone. Adding kids often makes mothers feel more pressure to be everything to everyone. For the kiddos- she’s part mom, part nurse, part mediator (since you have 2 kiddos), part chauffer- she feeds them, bathes them, entertains them, takes them to appointments, comes home and does the household chores, groceries, errands, meal prep, laundry, etc. Having the added pressure of all of those roles and little autonomy over her own needs, it can be mentally taxing for her to also need to take care of you sexually.
I find that ramping up the help around the housework and kiddo work, and adding additional non-sexual romantic things (flowers just because, compliments that aren’t overtly sexualized, a trip to the spa or salon if she’s into it) can help her feel more sexy and desired and less like she’s mostly a mom first.
When was the last time she got a vacation from the kiddos? Could you arrange for grandma or an aunt to watch the kiddos for a weekend and take her away for a weekend to rekindle?
Don’t just “help” with the kids. You need to make sure they don’t and you don’t interrupt her at all for at least an hour every day.
It sucks buts it’s one of the downsides of having kids.
Please spend some time on r/deadbedrooms for advice and support. When you have two little kids who want things from you all the time, your husband is just another “kid” bugging you to have sex to meet his needs. It breeds resentment and crappy sex. You need to change the dynamic so sex is something she enjoys for herself. How do you make her howl with pleasure? What kind of sexting do you do during the day to keep things exciting? What is your wife’s current fantasy? As long as sex is another chore she does just to keep you happy, the quality and quantify will not improve.