(Edit: I broke things off with him, and he was oddly distraught considering how he feels/felt about me, or at least my lifestyle. I feel kind of numb, but not necessarily distraught myself.)
I usually prefer to date people with an interest in sports or fitness, but my current partner is perhaps average when it comes to physical health.
I am definitely into fitness, and I have been on a regular workout schedule and a diet for a little over a year now. I’m not an expert by any means, but I am definitely well toned in most areas of my body and fairly muscular in others. I enjoy working out for a few reasons:
– I feel accomplished at the end of the day
– I see visible progress over time (muscle growth)
– It lowers my insanely high sex drive
– It helps me sleep
– It keeps me from being anxious
So, some context:
My bf would usually make me wear a jacket during sex. No worries, I figured he might be into CFNCM (clothed female, non clothed male. It’s a dominance thing, apparently). I tend to get cold anyways, so I would comply, and we’d get on with it. I noticed he was weirdly insistent about it, though. I asked him what’s wrong, and he told me that he thinks my arm, back, and shoulder muscles makes him feel like he’s having sex with a man.
He didn’t need to say more at that point because I was already livid, especially since he’d been dropping hints about wanting me to work out less before. Even though I was mad, I continued to listen to him. He said that I can maintain the muscle in my legs and core as much as I’d like, but he wants me to cut down on the arm and back workouts in my routine. I was previously a rower, so most of my muscle is in my upper back and shoulders.
I left because at that point, I didn’t care what more he had to say. He KNOWS how proud of my progress I am, and he went into our relationship knowing that I’m an athlete despite for some reason seeing bulk as ‘unwomanly.’ He later texted me saying that it’s fine if I keep the muscle, but he claimed I should still cut back on my workout routine so that I’ll have a higher sex drive.
He claims I overreacted and that I can always just gain back lost progress if we ever break up. I’ll admit, I did yell at him, and he’s mad because I told him I don’t even want him to touch me right now. Perhaps I did overreact, but I feel used.
Is there a way to move past this, or is it time to break up? How can I avoid this happening in the future? As I said, he knew I was an athlete before we started dating.
7 comments
Your partner is an insecure child. Besides that, in so many words he’s straight up telling you he’s not attracted to your body. When he sees your body he sees a man and he’s (allegedly) not attracted to men. That he would ask you to stop working out is absolutely bonkers.
First you have a right to b proud of all the work you have done for yourself.
I honestly don’t think there is a lot of hope for your partner unfortunately. He’s an incurable a$$. Sorry, needed to be said here. Since he basically doesn’t appreciate a core accomplishment of your life, he really shouldn’t be in it. Move on. I promise you, you will find someone much better.
Nobody ever has the right to tell you what to do with your body. How muscled, how skinny, how big, how small, abortion, tattoos, nose job, boob implants, anything.
Nobody ever has the the right to tell you what to do with your body. If he doesn’t like yours he can go find somebody with one he likes.
“It lowers my insanely high sex drive”
I would have guessed working out increases it.
And to answer your question, anybody who thinks they ought to be able to control your physical appearance in any way, shape or form can fuck off to hell.
I don’t see recovery here. you accept your partner in whole, if he cant he is with the wrong person. this relationship never should have went this far and his dishonesty is to blame. he is wasting your time and emotions.
You deserve better, someone who values the great effort you have put in and appreciates the results.
To avoid this in the future put some flexing shots in your bio let potential mates see what you are about. Muscular women are not my cup of tea but for many men this is desirable. you will find the right one.
I think you already know that there is not much hope for you two
First off. Congrats on your progress and motivation to improve yourself. He knew what he signed up for with dating you. Why should he get to dictate your actions and what you do with your body? He should be okay with this or hit the road. There’s plenty of guys out there that greatly appreciate a woman taking great care of her body, don’t let this doofus spoil your efforts.