My original question was “Is it rude to agree with a negative statement someone makes about themselves?” The majority is that it is rude. While I don’t think it’s rude to agree, I do believe it can be said in a tactful way.
For example if my friend says “I’m so fat now. I need to stop eating with my fat self.” And I respond with “I agree with that statement, but it seems like you’re unhappy with your physical appearance. Is that how you feel about your appearance?”
I never understood why people get upset when people agree with the negative things they say about themselves. I’m seeking understanding.
7 comments
As humans, we often speak to ourselves worse than others would. What we say on the outside may only be the surface of all the negativity we feel about that topic on the inside. Things can be said tactfully, but tact must take into consideration empathy and emotional intelligence and recognizing that someone else agreeing might mean they actually think worse about me than they do, because they think like me (when they don’t), and now my feelings are hurt (logically or not).
You can agree with a statement without saying so and still be tactful. That’s a much better approach in my opinion.
Its rude to agree with it even if its true. You should say “noo you look good. But if you want to get healthier and feel more confident , you can come to the gym with me!” If you say “i agree with that” that is way too blunt. “It seems like you are unhappy with your appearance. Is that how you feel about your appearance?” It is very obvious they are unhappy with their appearance, and asking a personal question about their insecurity is not a good move. Instead of agreeing or disagreeing with their negative comment, steer the conversation towards friendly solutions.
>For example if my friend says “I’m so fat now. I need to stop eating with my fat self.” And I respond with “I agree with that statement, but it seems like you’re unhappy with your physical appearance. Is that how you feel about your appearance?”
Personally, I don’t see what’s good/preferable about saying this, and this is coming from someone who is fat.
I’ve noticed most people respond one of three ways, none of which particularly strike me as good:
1. Disagreement
2. Not responding at all, which is, to me, a form of agreeing when it comes to something like this
3. Telling people how to improve/fix the issue
As someone who is heavily flawed and who “talks negatively about” myself at times in the interest of pure honesty and self-awareness, I just think it’s one of those things where there’s never a good response and you’re just fucked no matter what.
I try to:
– find a positive spin where I can or
– tell them don’t worry, everyone is like this too or
– you’re not that bad, it’s still at an average level or
– so what are you going to do about it?
I think they want comfort or some denial that nope, they aren’t like this. But it sounds really fake and doesn’t solve the problem so I don’t really like saying it but if all of the above doesn’t apply, I can lie to them.
Tbh I’d just go “naw buddy, you’re good”
You have to recognize when people are seeking for emotional support and when they need some advice and a reality check.
“No you’re not sweetie!!” For girls or “bro you’re amazing” for guys or “Yee haw partner” for nbs