Guys who don’t have any close friends, why?

48 comments

1. It’s a choice. Other people’s choice.

2. Between work and family obligations, I just dont have the time. I am lucky to have a couple of free hours I can call my own, and that is needed to unwind in solitude. The people i work with are not people i want to be friends with, and my old friends have drifted away after so long apart.

3. I don’t know how to make close friends. I have buddies, how do I tell them that I want to move our relationships to the next stage?

4. I hate people as a whole, life has taught me that all anyone in this world gives a damn about is power and control.

5. Had a few, lost them and now I forgot how to make close friends

6. Because fuck em, that’s why!

7. Don’t really care to have any, wouldn’t really trust anyone that isn’t family anyway.

8. They died long ago.

9. Because I’ve moved every few years since I went to university. I’m staying put where I live now, but between work, family, and the fact that men in their 30s and 40s generally aren’t looking for new friends, it probably isn’t going to happen. And I’m OK with that.

10. Because with friends like these who needs enemies. Better be alone. I was tired of their bullshit and drama for no reason.

11. I have social anxiety but I am also a terrible person and hate people.

12. I moved far away. So they’re far away friends, and it’s been a couple of decades now that I only talk to them on phone or social media, or the few times we’ve been able to travel. I probably shouldn’t have moved, at least not to Florida.

13. A few of what i considered in the past to be close friends, started becoming more and more distant. They would text me back less and less. I could see them having fun on their snapchat stories, yet nobody would say anything to me or invite me out. I even asked a couple of them in person in the most neutral/passive way i could if there was something i did or said that put them off. Everytime i got a vague answer like “oh sorry i was busy” or “oh i don’t leave the house much myself”, which i know were lies. I had a couple other close friends but they moved to other countries. I’ve been too awkward/anxious to make new friends and i can’t really relate enough to anybody at my current workplace.

14. moved from my home town to London and lost contact with hometown people, then moved back to my hometown and lost contact with london friends. the gap was big enough with both that all of our lives had moved on

15. Close friends got married they moved away.

    When they moved back I had moved away.

16. I grew up in the military in a very toxic home environment. When we left the military I started at a civvy school where the kids had all known each other since their first day of school. Pad brats are far easier to bond with as we all knew the situation but trying to integrate with civvy kids proved a little harder. Then the bullying started, it didn’t really stop until year 10 at which point I became to big to push around anymore but I’d learned to keep my friendships brief

    20 odd years later and I’m married and happily settled for the most part. My wife has a big community around her that I get on well with, I get on with most people well enough and I have built a decent group of friends in my local gaming/ geek groups but no real close relationships other than one of my brothers.

    I’m perfectly content on my own and certainly don’t put it all on my wife’s shoulders but it has taken some time for her to accept that I’m more guarded and cautious than she is.

17. My friends all drifted off and I struggle to make new ones. I don’t have the money for hobbies.

18. i’m already used to being alone. the only people i have that i’m close with are my parents and siblings and that’s all i need

19. It’s just better to not have friends. I’ve had lots of friendships in the past, not worth the effort anymore. I’m happy with just me and my partner

20. Not by my choice.

    I had a very good friend group in highschool. We hanged out a lot, texted or seen each other every day etc. However, during the last year of highschool, I broke my knee during a volleyball game. This made me miss a lot of things from school, and I expected at least someone from this group to help me out, at least by sending me notes or anything to be honest. During a 4 month period, I received only a few texts with minimal details of what was going on. People stopped texting me, and whenever I tried to start a conversation, it would be deflected or just ignored. After a while, I realized that I was only in that group if I was “active”, and since I could barely move, I was “silently casted out”. Never heard from most of them ever again.

    In college, I did have multiple close friends, but most of them dropped out or switched to another faculty. And since most of the people were not from the same city, we rarely hung out, unless we were all in the same city at the same time, and because of it, relationship with those people also fizzled out, and we all kinda just went our ways.

    Currently, I have a small group of online friends I chat with daily, and one friend I chat with the most (and I am also seeing her irl the most), but it’s nothing too serious, and we did meet just a month ago, so there is still room for more. I did meet multiple new people after college, but none of them can be a close friend, rather just an acquaintance.

    But overall, there isn’t a single person I can call a close friend or a bff. And that stings.

21. I am horrible at keeping up with people, if I do not see you on the regular then I won’t remember to reach out. However, when my friends and I do end up at the same place we pick up where ever we left off. Also, I am weird about time, I am very particular with the limited free time I have because you can never get time back, and I have gotten a lot worse with it in recent years and gotten more focused on who and what is worth my time.

22. I’m an unhappy person so I think people get that vibe from me and keep away. There hasn’t been any type of romantic partner in many years so I guess everything is my responsibility. Wish things were different but that’s life.

23. I do not need friends. Work is tiring enough. My best friend is also my wife.

    Life is simple, no drama.

24. No romantic partner for the moment, I do have close friends but over the course of adulting they all live far away now. Trying to make new ones, but it’s hard, not sure how to do it anymore, and everyone seems too busy with their own lives and families to foster new or add to their friend groups.

25. When I got in a relationship, my friends started disappearing one by one, I replaced them with her friends and then we broke up, her friends never talked to me after that, and that’s why I don’t have friends now

26. Well ,if I expect a friend to be close to me and friendly to me…. The problem is he’d expect the same from me…! That’s not possible…

    I can’t deal with my own bullshit. ..let alone another person’s bullshit !

27. I work and love my wife and 2 daughters. I have friends but we hang out maybe once every 4-6 months. Life is just too hectic and the last thing I want to do is be social with others, I like staying at home and decompressing instead.

28. making new friends as an adult is hard, you have limited free time with shit to do, you cant just go hang out and make friends

    remember, men dont make friends like lots of women seem too, where they can change over the years. most men get their buddies set between high school and universirty and thats it. if you have to make more, working your way into an existing group is hard

29. I dropped them all because I was tired of the competitiveness and constant shit talking. I have zero friends and zero love interests. I may be lonely but I am stress, drama and worry free. I’ll take that over anything.

30. Mainly because I’m not into socializing for the most part, but also because virtually all the guys I know are not like me. They’re all into trucks, beer drinking, enjoy stories about “crazy women” they were with, etc etc. I like trucks and cars, too, but its not my identity. I get on with anyone just fine no matter what their interests, but their interests are just too far off of mine.

31. I stopped drinking over 4 years ago. In the 4 years I’ve been sober, I’ve had MAYBE 1 or 2 people even bother to check in on me. And those that have checked on me only did so because they were fixing to ask me for something.

    I stopped reaching out to people and found that nobody bothers for me. So, why should I spend energy on other people? I need that energy/attention.

32. Left the country and came back to my hometown. Everything felt different, 6 months being alone showed me the B.S. I dealt with it. It wasn’t worth it. I miss them every here and there, but I’m happy alone

33. Society made this decision for me

34. No one used to talk to me unless I talked to them first. But after I stopped talking i ended up as a loner and still am.

35. Honestly I’m just a super shy introvert never had friends as a kid it’s something I hoped I’d grow out of but 21m still find it extremely intimidating just to talk to people or look them in the eye

36. The vast majority of people are garbage

37. I used to have friends, but the pandemic showed me that most of them were selfish, fake and not really supportive; so not really friends.

    So I cut them out of my life. It sucked but it’s less things to juggle in my brain. I haven’t really had a chance to make new friends.

38. I just hate communicating with people, hate small talk, not a big fan of going out. I prefer being by myself or with my partner. I dont feel I lose anything from this

39. I’ve moved around a lot and I’m terrible at maintaining relationships at a distance. Combined with the fact that it’s very difficult as an adult to find the time necessary to form strong bonds.

    I honestly wish we as a society valued friendships as much as we value romantic relationships. Seems like everyone is bent on maximizing time with their SO at the expense of friendships.

40. No

    I don’t have anyone

41. Lost touch. Never rekindled.

42. Because I’m on the spectrum.

43. People are needy. I need 3-5 working days just for a text.

44. I would say that I am too straightforward, if I don’t like a person, I immediately tell him about it, people are not ready to this. sooo..

45. I’m fucking TRYING

    Certain situations in my life have led to me not being able to develop many long term friendships or have the basically end others because they moved away and life moved on

46. Wife takes all my time and attention. For better or for worse.

47. Idk how to make friends.

48. Myself and other male friends I had, after getting married this was basically discouraged/torpedoed. The goal being it seems to “own” him and keep him (then and me) busy at home etc.

    I spent more time with the kids than she did, but between being the primary income and parent, to support her career development, and the attitude that I shouldn’t spend time with friends? I lost them all to time.

    Now that she earns the same as me, she wants a divorce (lol wow). So I’m reconnecting with people and working to develop new friendships. It’s not easy but I have been making progress. I was already starting to the last couple years, as it just became impossible and the marriage during COVID was basically annihilated.

    I’d advise guys in this scenario to say, ‘fuck that’ and keep your healthy friendships. It’s not easy but it’s important. If they give you threats guess what, they may anyway down the road. Take care of yourselves.