What’s mildly insulting but f*cking hilarious that someone has said about you?

44 comments

1. I had a showing at an art gallery a while ago. During the showing, the owner hired a stand up comedian to perform during the event. He said the characters in my paintings looked like muppets rejects. Thought that was the funniest shit ever at the time. Still makes me giggle when I think about it lol.

2. [removed]

3. Mildly… it was insulting indeed. She could do standup if she could focus her brain on something.

   On a comment about some event- me: it could be longer. Her: i know something else that could be as well.

4. My gf’s friends are a bunch of big ol’ burly biker ladies and gym bunnies. It wasn’t long after I met them that they started to baby me. The hilarious stuff amounts to them saying sort of sassy/snobby stuff about me like someone who might be way too obsessed with their pet would say. Keeping in mind I’m this 6ft muscle bound Dave Grohl looking guy are far from being the sort that would get that sort of treatment. But that doesn’t stop with the cutesy nicknames they give me.

   Outside of my circle of friends I got told that me saying that I would enjoy a physical aspect of a woman that she’s insecure about is body shaming by a mod of r/sex. When everyone else I have talked to about it says that sort of thing is the farthest from being body shaming.

5. A guy called me Histrionic once, knew he was a dick and insulting me by saying I had a personality disorder but didn’t exactly know the order and the symptoms. I looked them up the other day because of the Depp case. And like, I’m not Histrionic, but fuck yeah I am a loud individual who likes being the centre of attention and loves my appearance and clothes. Basically it was a pretentious way to call me vapid and annoyingly loud.

6. “Bro you straight up look like Kevin James”

7. online dating people always accuse me of being transgender.

   I have no clue why. just people on dating sites. Nobody in real life nobody that I’ve run into on the streets, no strangers or anything, but for some reason, dating profiles, transgender.

   when I tell people that have seen me in person but I get that all the time, no one believes me. I’ve gotten it about seven times. and no matter how many times I say no, they can’t drop it. They just don’t believe me.

8. Came out of the shower only with a towel, my gay flatmate looked at me and said: „Dude, my boyfriend would think you’re hot!“

   I, being a straight guy, was a little bit flattered.

   Than he added: „Yeah, he loves his man hairy and chubby“

9. I’ve had long hair all my adult life, ageing metaller. I also wear kilts as casual legwear. Been misgendered a lot.

   I’m sure a lot of guys would find it insulting but I don’t.

10. I got called a Dick Toy by a chick on hinge, because I wouldn’t put up with her entitled attitude towards me lmao.

    If only I could get that as a flair. My life would be complete

11. “He’s a giant dick, both ways.”

12. If I was a man I’d pounce on your man boobs and maul them the whole night said my female friend to me.

13. I’m diabetic and had a coworker call me pin cushion. Mildly insulting but fucking hilarious

14. Usually the reaction when people see me outside of work/not in usual motorcycle PPE/uniform and get scared when they realise who I am “crap you’re bald!” or “shit you’re alot more fitter/stronger/better looking than I thought”.

    Best reaction lately “holy crap it’s you! I always thought you were a fat sad bastard”

15. “Dad, you’re balding yourself a mullet,” my friend Lisa circa 1997.

    Her dad always had waist length hair that he put in a low ponytail with hair ties all the way down every few inches. Awesome hair. I felt so bad for him bc it crushed him

16. The last time I shaved my son said ‘Dad you look like you’re pretending to be young.’

17. I have a big forehead and some cheeky bastard called me Megamind lmao. Had no response to that.

18. “You’re just an average looking dude but you’re always with the hottest women”

    A college friend’s buddy from home told me this after meeting him a few times and even though it was super backhanded, I took it as a compliment

19. “You look like (attractive celebrity name)” pause “With Down syndrome”

    Could not stop laughing

20. “To believe that the pinnacle of (hometowns) “bäng-gäng” uhh “stoner-crowd” could pull *this* off”

    Me and my friend were known for going harder than anyone else in a town that parties hard, then we sobered up and started throwing the parties instead of wrecking them. One of the OGs took notice haha.

21. First time meeting someone and they open with “oh my god what happened?!?!?”

22. Got called a dangerous and unstable methhead…by a whacked out nasty hippie lady. Also some random guy walking across the street called me a pedophiler and to go back to my own country. I’m white and live in the Midwest smh.

23. Someone at work called me “annoyingly polite”

24. >Masturbating moron!

    On dota (video game) voice chat. Appreciated the alliteration 😂

25. My son: “Daddy, these are gross. Can I try to pull them off?” referring to my skin tags

26. Saw a guy I went to highschool with out in town after having not seen him in quite a while. Friends in school but didn’t really keep in touch after graduation, all that stuff. I’ve always worked out and enjoyed being in shape, but like most I would have lulls where I would slip and not make it to the gym for semi-extended periods of time. Anyways, this was during one of those slow times for me and at some point during the conversation working out got brought up and I mentioned I had been busy and hadn’t been to the gym much lately. Without skipping a beat it replies with something along the lines of “yeah man, I thought your neck was looking like it had gotten kind of smaller…” to this day it is the only time I can recall being so subtly put down in such a seemingly benign way.

27. That “I put the idiot in savant”

    I act dumb, but I’m actually a rocket scientist. So people are always surprised when I say something intelligent.

28. A girl once said to me. “You know you’re the kind of guy your mom wants you to date. But you never would.”

29. I was in college, working a summer job on a landscaping crew. I’ve always been pretty thin. This older guy announced over lunch break that for Halloween I could just turn sideways, stick out my tongue, and go as a zipper.

30. I have the attention span of ferret.

    I give compliments in E minor.

31. In highschool a kid drew a french baguette on the white board and then called me a faguette i thought it was hilarious

32. “Which one of your personalities chose this song we’re hearing now on the jukebox?”

    – paraphrased

33. Girlfriend said if balls were brains, You’d be Einstein.

34. I don’t exactly remember why I didn’t text/call her, but I wrote a note and left it on my table for my (ex) girlfriend because she was coming over and I had to do something real quick.

    When I came back she asked me “are you sure you’re left-handed and not a right-handed person who thinks he’s left-handed?”

35. My mom was in the process of grieving over the passing of her father with my family (I was in the military at the time underway and was informed of his passing after I got back, yeah shitty) and in order to cheer themselves up, they all went to build a bear and built a direct replica of me that was the most Steve Urcle looking shit that was basically a teddy bear doppleganger and hilariously enough, when they arrived to give it to me in person after I got back, I was dressed EXACTLY like the bear. It made me realize I need to buy some new clothes.

36. ADHD being diet autism

37. “I don’t think I’ve even been around when you weren’t drinking.”

38. My boyfriend compared me to soot sprites from Totoro/Spirited Away, and then elaborated “You just kinda go through shit no thoughts”.

    I mean. He’s right, but–

39. When people meet my wife, the usual reaction is “damn, she’s your wife? how’d you pull that off?”

40. In middle school some kid said I looked like Hermione from the first movie. I’ll never know what he meant by that, but it still hits different to this day.

41. My ex was stupid and told all her friends the only good thing about me was my d***. Her friends ended up telling me, after that I never felt bad abiut the breakup.

42. A tweaker gal said I looked like a cross between Alfred E. Neuman and Howdy Doody. She was too right and it was too funny for me to get mad.

43. My grandmother was as country as she could be, tougher than a pine knot, and about 5′ tall & weighed 100 lbs soaking wet. While discussing someone else with me she said “He’s a big ol’ fat man; he’s as big as you are!”

    in my defense, I was 5’9″ and 195 lbs at the time, so not huge. LOL

44. For clarity I’m short as f*ck.

    Talking to a girl in high school about some kids who were being assholes.

    Her:”you really shouldn’t let them be that mean to you”

    Me: “it’s cool I’ll just hang myself, that tree looks nice ”

    Her: “how you gonna reach it?”

    Hurtful as hell, but damn that was funny.