Like the text says I have been with my fiance (A) for almost 7 years. And I need to give a bit of background for the rest of this..
Earlier this year A had some mental trouble and ended up getting prescribed Lexapro.. ever since A has been a little different, and she acts like she is completely emotionless at times. It worries me, but she is too scared of the period between switching drugs to let her doctor know how she is feeling, and for her to potentially prescribe something else. A says she would rather feel nothing at all instead of feeling like she did after her first mental health emergency..
This brings us to where we are for the last few weeks. Together almost 7 years and A asks me if she can get coffee with a coworker (C) who is a male. I had no reason not to trust her so I told her I didn’t mind. Then all of a sudden, A is constantly using snapchat talking to C while completely ignoring me. She has been leaving lately to stay with C, and she lies about where she has been. Then I found out and we cried together, she talked like everything was going to get better. After that I found out that she had lied earlier and actually went out with C when I believed she was somewhere else. Even when she knows i know, she refuses to admit it.
A has gotten to the point where she acts like she is scared of me at the house. I found out about physical affection between A and C which she didn’t tell me about, and I broke down, and she tried comforting me, but I told her to just leave. Well she did and I have proof she went to Cs house. She came home today and I asked her where she was, she said somewhere else completely and I brought up that I knew. Then she would act like she was scared of me literally locking herself into a bedroom, refusing to come out because she thinks I am going to hurt her.. I have never done that and would never think to, but I do own guns, and she prefaced everything with “there are weapons here, I am scared of what you are going to do”. Keep in mind I am her partner of 7 years with no history of violence..
She finally came out after making me walk out the patio door, and got right into her car.. I tried talking to her to let her know how I felt and she rolled the window down maybe an inch and was trying to record the conversations because she kept saying she “did not feel safe”.. we are beyond the point of repairing this relationship, but is there anyone I can reach out to for A?.. I am really worried that she is mentally struggling and it is causing these wild actions.. even after what has happened I still care about A and want her to get the help she needs.. what do I do?
Edit:
Also, is it possible C is feeding her head with lies which is making her react to me the way she is? I am not trying to just sound like a bitter guy losing the love of his life, but everything was good up until she went to hang out with this guy.. we own a home together and have 2 dogs.. she is throwing it away for a relationship of a month.. what is happening?
9 comments
You realise there is a good chance she is actually more like the person she really is now, than she was when she wasnt on the antidepressants? She feels good and able to cope in life and is finding it liberating and is enjoying life – and attention from more men? I don’t think she is struggling or doing wild actions. She’s just doing what she wants to be doing now she has the other issues under control.
As for saying she is scared of you? Some people need to rationalise that their poor choices and bad behaviour is actually right under the circumtances. It seems to me that she is rationalising her behaviour because you are a “bad person” and might hurt her. This is the narrative she creates in her own mind to justify the affair and turning to another man. Its also a pretty good excuse to avoid talking about anything she doesnt want to talk about. There is also the possibility that she will escalate this and use it to her advantage in any legal battles over property or defacto relationship laws or just to put you on the off-foot – she’ll call the cops on you.
Regardless of what she is saying or the change in behaviour, this relationship is over. Forget about getting her help. She’s not your circus and not your monkey anymore. She’s got a new b/f for that. Look after yourself here and get out of this mess. You’ll need some legal advice since you’ve been together so long. Get that asap.
If it was me and she was cheating there is only one thing to do break up with her.
She is a girl, not a woman and she is flighty and unreliable.
Let her go and find a new contestant.
Living together with someone for seven years can trigger common law status. Do you make bank? Maybe she thinks she just won some kind of divorce lottery.
You should act soon before she makes up a fake story that you threatened to kill her and get you put in jail
You already know the relationship is over and beyond saving. That means your obligations to her are over. She isn’t your problem anymore.
You know what you need to do. She’s failed the fiancé test. Time to drop her and let her solve her own problems. Stop trying to think of ways to help her, cause it’s not your job. Let her go ruin her life for C, and eventually, when she realizes how bad she fucked up (because she definitely will), you can have the pleasure of laughing in her face and closing the door in it.
Well, that sucks. Unfortunately, unless she is a danger to herself or others, there is not much you can do. You have alerted a loved one. You need to protect yourself, as she sounds manic enough to say some crazy things about you. Separate finances and living arrangements asap. Best of luck to you.
You need to kick her out and protect yourself, i think she’s building up to a fake story of you abusing her.
Ur obsessed she’s not ur fiancé get over it