There are the standards:
The butt smack when she bends over.
The credit card where you run your hand between her butt cheeks
The smooch subterfuses: sticking your tongue out, raspberry upon contact, The nose lick, etc
The butt bongo of course
The rooster: when she has her hair in a ponytail grab some on the top and pull upwards and forward( gently of course) and it makes a rooster like crest on top of her head
There are more, but I want to hear yours. For science…
Disclaimer: I love my wife more than you love yours. We don’t fight, and have a very healthy relationship. I never yank, prod, pull, poke, harass, vex, nor harry her when she doesn’t want me to.
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Anytime she’s naked I start clapping and making the sound of a stadium cheering. My favorite is when she lays down in bed I do a caveman voice and say ‘TAKE WOMAN’ and pull her in close.
I hum one line of a terrible earworm song right before I leave the house.
I say “You know I love you right!?”
And when she confirms I say “Good” and rip a massive fart.
She laughs every time.
Edit: This only works because we both know that she can clear the room better than me on my best days.
When I eat something from the fridge.. I leave a single piece of whatever it was in the full-size container just to see her look of rage.
You should’ve seen her face the last time she opened a large jar of cherries and there was just a single cherry inside. It made my day.
Ooh, another one.
When she’s standing at the counter I’ll walk up behind her, slowly get close, run my hands down her body and around her waist while bringing my mouth toward the side of her neck, which she’s happily present for neck kisses… Then grab whatever it was I needed from the kitchen and walk away.
If I see she’s about to sneeze I poke her in the stomach and say “Don’t sneeze!”
It’s such a robbery of anticipation and satisfaction and leaves her stuttering with frustration for like 5 second
I’m ticklish and my will gently tickle me a little bit, every so often. The key is is not enough to annoy me!
Finger in the mouth during a yawn.
Play wrestling for a wet willy – he’s a foot taller so it’s tricky 😂
Accents. Word play. Jokes.
Finger in the mouth during yawn is beyond barbaric.
Reject childish antics and turn toward debonair seduction.
Slap her on the butt
Pretty much everything you listed plus I get into her wallet and move a single bill backward or upside down, turn a book around on the shelves, sneak a fork in with the spoons section of the silverware drawer, etc.
TLDR: I engage in light OCD terrorism.
Puns. My wife claims to detest puns, so I use them every chance I get. Her reactions range anywhere from dirty looks to throwing things at me, and it’s hilarious.
I’m all of exactly 6ft with my normal slouch and my ex was almost a foot shorter. Anyway I’d put something just high enough it was annoying to reach so she’d have to get a step ladder. Then give her the ole bongos when she’d go to grab it.
She swore up and down it was the most annoying thing but her little anticipatory smile everytime told a different story. Don’t forget to just not do it from time to time to subvert it.
I use this scenario in various ways:
“You love me right honey?” “Yes”
“Good…. that makes this much easier to say…. I love you too”
Always, always, always when she’s changing I’ll find an excuse to grab something from out of the same room without knocking. Shocked surprise at her nude form, then devilish smile. Then sarcastically tell her she really should lock the door next time.
She never does, which is how I know she thinks it’s at least cute.
Dirty up one glass after she’s done with dishes and leave it in the sink. Within 45 seconds of her finishing.
Squeeze her boob gently and make a honking sound
Mostly the butt smack. It’s just so tempting, all the time.
We blow air into each other when we go to kiss sometimes, and it’s like a contest of who can blow up the other one like a balloon more. There’s also the rapid fire kiss, but this one is her. Go in for a kiss and if I ask for another one, she’ll kiss me like 20times but super fast/hard almost pecking me in the mouth.
Not common, but the unexpected pillow fight is one of our favorites. She almost knocked me on my ass the other day cause I didn’t see the pillow behind her back.
She hates, hates, hates when I touch her bellybutton. So I must attempt (not seriously) at all chances. It’s the forbidden prize. Usually turns into her tickling me and me screaming like a baby cause it’s my weakness and she’s not ticklish so I lose pretty quick
Ask if she smells anything, play it long, it’s what the rock is cooking. Snake in my boot.
My wife is Canadian and speaks fluent French.
I am Australian and do not.
So I purposely pronounce the French words on signs or packaging with the thickest Australian accent imaginable. Think “Brad Pitt speaking Italian in Inglorious Basterds” levels of mispronunciation.
“This pizza is quart fro-marge. Do you want that, or the poo-let?”
My wife hates the words “vernacular” and “nomenclature,” so I try to weave them into sentences whenever I can.
She’s short, I put things up high. She also has a napoleon complex and refuses to be helped, including step stools. She’s incredibly cute on her tippy toes reaching for something. I don’t help, just enjoy the view.
I leave her little notes in places she wouldn’t expect them. Had a notepad file on her desktop for like 3 years before she noticed. Just said I loved her or something like that. Sometimes it’ll be in her snacks, or in the fridge, or randomly in a book she’s reading.
I kind of want to get a little mini photo printer to up my game.
When I enter the living room and she’s on the couch, I accidentally trip and fall, landing softly on her and giving her a kiss. Oops I did it again.
Once upon a time while on a visit to my MIL I was able to procure an 8X10 framed picture of my wife from sixth grade with her permed hair and the dorkiest Penny’s Hawaiian shirt I have ever seen. My wife hates this picture with a passion. Once a year I get it out and hang it somewhere in our house. I let it hang there until I hear the shrieking, me and the kids have a good chuckle and then I take it down. She has torn the house apart looking for it so she can burn it. I keep it in my truck.
Every single time her shirt comes off I just yell TITTTIIIISSSS EVERYTIME. she just sighs and laughs but I’m excited everytime lol
We also try to meow like our cats to fool the other person
When she’s wrong about something dumb that doesn’t mean anything and realizes it, I always tell her I accept her apology. She doesn’t apologize and I don’t expect her to. Gets a wide range of responses. It’s fun.
I call it the “salmon” because it resembles a fish tail when they jump out of the water.
Sometimes when she’s laying in bed or sitting on the couch, there’s just enough room between her thighs for me to lightly slap my hand back and forth. It’s gotten to the point where she expects it and even does it back to me now.
I frequently “have” to be in the bathroom for some reason if she is showering. We have a walk-in shower with a glass window.
Lean in for a kiss, and give her a big sloppy lick from chin to hairline, St Bernard style, or stick my tongue up her nose.
She’s 50ish, so anytime she complains about aches and pains, or heat or cold, or misplaces something, I mutter “menopause” under my breath, then deny having said anything.
When she yells at the dog, I refer to her as ‘the mean lady’: “good boy- don’t worry, I’ll protect you from the mean lady”
My gf hates her neck touched. So of course I go for neck kisses a lot with a cry of “gimme that NECK!” She loves/hates it
When I can tell she has had a long day, but refuses to let me make dinner or clean; I pick her up, sling her on my shoulder and plant her ass in the bedroom all the whole egging the dog on so that when I drop her on the bed, she has to deal with the dog while I start the chore
My ex had a crappy memory, every now and then I’d say ‘but it’s my birthday’ and enjoy up to 30 seconds of confusion and guilt on her face. Any time of year.
Her: “Remind me to get tissues next time we’re at Target”
Me: “Okay, remember to get tissues next time you’re in Target”
Well, she never said when to remind her.
I like introducing her as my “ex girlfriend” or “first wife”.
Probably not everything but heres some highlights i can think of:
– Whenever she yawns i stick my finger in her mouth.
– Hug her and then squeeze her slightly while farting. Then apologizing for ruining the moment and lure her in for a second hug and then proceed to fart again.
– Sometimes i deliberately mispronounce words slightly but act like i did it on accident which annoys her greatly.
– Sometimes i try to position myself while we’re both in the kitchen so that i am always slightly (not too much) in the way of where she is going, it requires a great deal of anticipation of her moves but i believe i have become a master of my craft.
– I will try to take a bite out of something like a sandwhich she has left unguarded but make sure to only take a bite out of the bread itself and leave the toppings (oftenly cheese and ham) covering the void from the bite. So when she comes back and takes a bite out of it hilarity ensues as she goes from perplexed to annoyed.
– My favourite thing to do is to slightly move things around the house but not too obvious so she will sense that something is off in a room but won’t know exactly what which drives her crazy. Sometimes she figures it out but so far she hasn’t caught on that i am behind it. I really think i have perfected this skill.
Some examples that i’ve done: Moved our entire sofa and coffee table a few centimeters each day for a week until it is slightly off-center from the tv. Switched positions of her flowers by the windows.
– Bought a new rug that was the same as the one we had but with a slightly darker color tone.
– Have conversations with the cats where i usually try to talk shit about something she does, while she is in the room.
– Talk about everyday stuff but with a really sleazy voice and a thick accent which makes anything sound dirty.
– Squirt water on her from far away.
– Awkwardly hump her non-sexual parts while staring off in the distance and asking loudly “is this sex?” “This HAS to be sex, right?”
Sometimes i just do general retard shit to blow off some steam. Like run around with her panties over my head while quoting Bane: “Ahh… so you think lace is your ally? You merely adopted the lace” etc.
I renamed the new robot vacuum cleaner to “Sucky-sucky 5 bucky” knowing her father would want to check out the app for it and see the name. Then blamed her.
It’s really all about balance. You need to have a large arsenal to pick from so you can rotate the things you’re doing to make sure she doesn’t notice stuff she isn’t supposed to and anticipating patterns. Mix it up.
If I see my wife’s phone in the kitchen I will text her asking if she can being me a snack or some other thing from the kitchen so when she hears it go off and sees the text is a request from me I get the most wonderful look of exasperation and irritation. This also works for any room in the house and especially funny when she is actively looking for her phone.
Also, I will ask her if she needs anything to drink while Im in the kitchen. If she says yes I tell her its in the fridge and start to walk back to where she is until I see the flat unamused look. After which I get her whatever she wanted.
Her game with me is that she tries to catch me off guard and ask me “Guess what?” And if Im not fully aware of what is about to happen I will respond with “what” to which I am given a loud “Chicken Butt!” She has done this to me since we we’re dating and I still fall for it
So I’m not with this girl anymore, but sometimes when we were cuddling while in bed asleep she would need to get up to use the bathroom so she would ask me to let go of her. I would absolutely refuse and just not let go while she tried to wriggle free (I’m a big guy). This would then turn into a negotiation in the sense of her needing to persuade me that she would definitely come back after I let go, no matter what. I would pretend to be really sad that she was leaving me and only after multiple heartfelt promises that she would come straight back would I finally let her go.
When she did returned to bed, I would happily exclaim that “you came back! :)” and ask her was it a dangerous journey. I would then tell her I love her, kiss her and then fall asleep to her nuzzling into me. I would always be able to hear her smiling in the dark throughout all of it.
I broke up with her, and that was the right thing to do at the time, but I still miss her dearly. I’m just trying to trust that life will work itself out for me.
The other night, we were watching a show on a platform with commercials. The exact same commercial ran 3 times every break.
She was so annoyed by the end of it.
The next morning, when I got to my shop, I searched for that specific commercial and sent it to her.
She was laughing about it all day.
Making her laugh has been my best quality im sure.
Whenever I get a new shirt I’ll walk into the room in front of her wearing only the shirt and ask her what she thinks nonchalantly.