Edit: “**not** feel bad”
I think I might not completely comprehend the line between assertive and aggressive but even when I know that I’m only being assertive I feel bad for it. I’m an assistant manager at a store and I have trouble asking people to do things. I often say “this thing needs to be done” to the person who’s job it is, but then immediately say that I’ll do it. Also people keep asking to leave before the work is done and I can ask them to do one or two things first but often end up just giving up and finishing myself. Sometimes people get mad too, like when I asked someone to put the daily expired dairy in the donate pile after close and she did it right away, I said “after we’re closed though please” and she got mad about it. I think she’s the employee that it’s most difficult for me to ask things from because she doesn’t listen and then gets mad if I rephrase. Sometimes I ask her to do something that she doesn’t and then I fix it myself and still feel bad. Today I went to the dollar store and bought a basket that I told the cashier I wanted to use instead of a bag and he did but then started wrapping everything else I got in bags and I said that he didn’t have to wrap them twice and then I just said “I don’t really want anything wrapped in bags” and felt a little bad about it. Every once in a while I get frustrated and say something differently and I try to be nice about it and assertive but idk if I come off aggressively. I’m sure I can think of more examples but guess that’s enough for you to know what I mean.
TLDR: I need advice on how to differentiate between assertive and aggressive. I also need advice on how to not feel bad when I am definitely *only* assertive.
Thank you.
1 comment
I think it’s mostly a matter of how you view yourself. It sounds like you have to convince YOURSELF, as much as anyone else, that you’re the boss and what you say should be respected. So “flip the script” on that and start viewing yourself as THE person who should be listened to. (You’d do the same for your own boss, right? Give them respect and follow directions? So expect the same for yourself!)
So don’t allow yourself to do what they’ve left undone. You don’t have to be mean about it, just firm and consistent. Also notice how you’re phrasing things, an employee that you “ask things from.” That’s like you’re a supplicant making a request. No, these are employees you “give directions to.”
Give them kind words when they do things correctly, thank them for being someone you can “count on,” be sure to point out “I know I can rely on you,” or “you always get that done right,” or “you’re great with customers” etc. A little bit of praise can go a long way. And you can smile as you say these things, but BE FIRM.
Think of yourself as THE BOSS.
After getting over the shock, they will actually like you better if you’re firm but kind. Wishy-washy bosses are both disrespected and not even liked as much. Ironically!
Also, leaving early? Don’t they have set hours?